I know I am not the only one on this board in a long distance relationship so I thought perhaps we could have a thread to talk about how one copes with the separation and/or bitch about how much it sucks!
I'm lucky in that my long distance has an end point, I will be moving next June to live with Davros in British Columbia. He moved there in May, I went and stayed with him in June/July for two weeks and the plan was for me to go back in November.
As of last night, things have changed a bit and he booked a flight to come visit me for Halloween! Our second date was this massive local event called Hunger Cabaret which spans two bars (three this year) and has music, burlesque, fire performers, dancers, etc. Over 900 people went last year and everyone dresses in crazy costumes and clothing. My 'date' for Cabaret this year was going to be my brother (ha) but now Davros will be here to escort me!
He will only be here for a few days, but two weeks after he goes back, I fly out to stay with him from November 19th-30th! We're extremely lucky with both our jobs that we can arrange time off to see each other. I don't know that I could handle the long distance without as many visits as we are having.
Anyhow, so who else is long distance? Why? For how long? Do you get visits or no? How do you stay connected?
DH and I started long distance since we met online. We met online at the end of July '98. For labor day weekend we met halfway in Mississippi (date #1), for Thanksgiving hew flew to Texas and spent the weekend with me and my parents (#2) and for Christmas my parents bought me a round trip ticket to Hawai'i (where his family lived at the time) for a week over New Year's (#3+)
By the second week of January I was then living in New Mexico and he quit school to move there with me. He was supposed to get his own place, but since we didn't know anyone else and knew we'd end up with each other all the time we just moved in.
I guess we moved sort of fast because the 6 months of "dating" and telephone calls sucked so badly! We didn't realize there was an end in sight at the time (him quitting before his last semester and moving to NM was sudden and I didn't want him to do that, but it hurt to be apart too...)
Anyway, so it can work but it's difficult and just depends on the people and how they handle themselves and their relationship. We talked online whenever my roommates were gone (tied up the phone line) and on the phone almost every day.
I think if we didn't see each other even those few times we wouldn't have been together. Visits definitely help you see the person not just physically, but on some other levels too. We probably would have seen each other more if we were closer or had the $$ but we were both students at the time and were 1500 miles apart and I was not near any major airport either.
It sucks, and it's hard work but don't let anyone tell you they don't last or can't be serious. You know if it's serious and time will tell if it lasts. D and I have been together 10 years now and met when I was 20 and he was 21.
DH and I were long-distance back in the dark ages before teh intrawebs. He attended college two hours away from me in a fairly rural area. This was back when long-distance calls were outrageously expensive. We would take turns calling each other almost every evening. We also exchanged letters from time to time. We didn't really date once we got to the "I love you" phase. It was more like living together on the weekends when we could get together. He'd either drive up to my parents' and stay in the guest room, or I'd drive down to his place and sleep on the couch. (He had a twin bed, so sleeping together beyond "sleeping together" was about impossible.)
I think the hardest separation was the summer he worked as a biologist at a special needs camp. He was truly in the boonies with nothing but a pay phone. When he took the job he was supposed to have weekends off, but it almost never happened. We'd be lucky if he got one day. That was the longest three months of my life. When he'd get that day, he would drive up on Friday after he got off, spend the night with me, and then have to go back the next evening. Saturday afternoons were terrible because I would sit and just cry the whole time we were together knowing he'd be going back and I'd have no idea when we'd see each other again. About the only reason I was able to endure it was that I knew he was saving money to buy my engagement ring.
That fall he began graduate school at a uni closer to my college, so we saw each other more often. Then I started grad school there as well, so we saw each other almost every day. We were married that August, so altogether our long-distance relationship was almost a year.
When I met DH online it was that way with us. I knew after a month or 2 we'd be married, but I wasn't quite ready to go yet and I knew we needed more time. Luckily I had a lot of time off saved up on my job. I visited him a couple times, then him me, then me again 2 more x's that year.
I know my situation is different, but I knew I wanted to be married one day. I couldn't keep doing the distance thing, so we went for it and I moved to be with him, it was 10-11 months after we met. I didn't think that I could do that for a long time, years, etc. I had just spent 3+ years in a relationship prior, we both were dragging our heels despite discussing marriage, so my thing was - either I was gonna move and be with him and that's that, and if I had doubts then forget it, end it. I was NOT going to be in another 3+ year relationship that went absolutely NO where.
I've had a few long distance relationships in my past, and I didn't really cope with the separation and loneliness very well at all. I was miserable all the time, my life on pause while I waited around for a phone call or a letter (I had these relationships back in the days before the internetz), and it was pure awful. My phone bills were enormous, I remember one being $600, but I think I had ones even more expensive than that because I had a couple of boyfriends in England, too, back before you could get these great long distance deals.
I guess these days it would be a bit better with emails and online video chats. It still would be awful, though. I wouldn't want to ever go through that again. It's bad enough now that I'm married and DH had to be gone for this past summer, over 100 days, and now he's going away for 6 months starting at the first of December. Since we're married, it's not as desperate as being in the beginning intensity of new relationship, but it's still horrible.
You know, Anastasia's post reminded me of another relationship I had. We worked together, but he had to commute, and due to his wacky family we didn't see a lot of each other outside of work, so it kinda was like long-distance. The part about life on hold while waiting for a phone call or letter hits home for me. I used to put people, friends, events, etc off because I thought that he really didn't have a lot of time he could devote to me, so I wanted to make sure I was around and available for the few moments that he could, because if I didn't our communication would be much less.
My current relationship is long -distance.
It may not seem so to some people, but since I am car-free, that 120km each way is a trip!
Skype helps, as does having having very flexible schedules.
I did LD for about six months. I wasn't very good at it. I did enjoy the freedom during the week (we saw each other on weekends), but ultimately it got lonely.
I know quite a few people who have done it - mostly related to working at a college or university. It's very hard for married professors to find positions in the same geographic area, especially when they are starting out. They seem to make it work, but I don't know how...
DH and I did the long-distance thing for 6 months. Then I moved to TX and we got married. We saw each other once a month.
cassia Wrote:My current relationship is long -distance.
It may not seem so to some people, but since I am car-free, that 120km each way is a trip!
Skype helps, as does having having very flexible schedules.
Skype is my favourite thing in the world right now. Before we started using Skype, we were using windows live and the quality was just awful. Skype is 100% better even if there are occasional drops in audio. It's definitely helping prevent huge long distance bills as well.
I am leaving for the airport in 20 minutes to pick up Davros!!!! Wheee!!!