We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

Lol, gotta love it when someone is honest!

Quote:I think he is kinda caught up in the old web of society's expectations, along with the "Kodak moment" syndrom. TV doesn't help, with all those damn cute kiddos running by all the time. One time I got, "Are you SURE you don't want one of those?", in that whiney kinda tone. That got the patented "icy stare". All I said was, "Dude, that's lame..." And speaking of tv...GAWD...all those type cast women selling the cleaning goods and the kiddie crap. MOMS the word on tv! Ugh...

IMHO You need to invest your $ in a TVO Or a some sort of DVR
That way you can Fast Foward through those annoying
baby commercials.
It would save loads of arguments, and be a lot cheaper then any baby.
LOL
IMHO your going about some of the arguments the wrong way too.
Don't think of the emotional aspect of love & devotion.
But think of the Financial end of it which is tons of Money and self
sacrifice that a parent deals with on a daily basis.
Ask him do you enjoy watching his TV in peace & quiet, cause if we had a baby the quiet is all over with.
Do you enjoy your vacations? You can forget about ever having one again if we had a baby. Etc etc.
Focus on all the thousands & thousands of dollars needed to raise a child. And that is just in diapers, lol Just kidding.
But that does not include education aka college, not kidding, So have him ponder those issues too, before he is ready to commit to a child.

But as I said and as Kirby said too. I feel those issues & many more, can be more properly addressed with the aid of a counselor.
It really is not wise to try and do it all alone. You can try and start a conversation. But if you feel it is more of an egg shell walk. Then, by all means you need to seek professional help.

I lucked out. When I met my hubby. He too had no desire to have kids.
So I never had to argue the situaion for my favor.
He was so very happy to know from day one, that I was on his side too.
( Joe, that can happen for you too one day, so hang in there)
But anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world Juliepoo.
You will need it.

Truckerswife Wrote:

Quote:I think he is kinda caught up in the old web of society's expectations, along with the "Kodak moment" syndrom. TV doesn't help, with all those damn cute kiddos running by all the time. One time I got, "Are you SURE you don't want one of those?", in that whiney kinda tone. That got the patented "icy stare". All I said was, "Dude, that's lame..." And speaking of tv...GAWD...all those type cast women selling the cleaning goods and the kiddie crap. MOMS the word on tv! Ugh...

IMHO You need to invest your $ in a TVO Or a some sort of DVR
That way you can Fast Foward through those annoying
baby commercials.
It would save loads of arguments, and be a lot cheaper then any baby.
LOL
IMHO your going about some of the arguments the wrong way too.
Don't think of the emotional aspect of love & devotion.
But think of the Financial end of it which is tons of Money and self
sacrifice that a parent deals with on a daily basis.
Ask him do you enjoy watching his TV in peace & quiet, cause if we had a baby the quiet is all over with.
Do you enjoy your vacations? You can forget about ever having one again if we had a baby. Etc etc.
Focus on all the thousands & thousands of dollars needed to raise a child. And that is just in diapers, lol Just kidding.
But that does not include education aka college, not kidding, So have him ponder those issues too, before he is ready to commit to a child.

But as I said and as Kirby said too. I feel those issues & many more, can be more properly addressed with the aid of a counselor.
It really is not wise to try and do it all alone. You can try and start a conversation. But if you feel it is more of an egg shell walk. Then, by all means you need to seek professional help.

I lucked out. When I met my hubby. He too had no desire to have kids.
So I never had to argue the situaion for my favor.
He was so very happy to know from day one, that I was on his side too.
( Joe, that can happen for you too one day, so hang in there)
But anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world Juliepoo.
You will need it.

Yeah, there are so many sides to this that maybe having an intermediary in there would help. someone who is unbiased. But i have to agree, i see my friends STRUGGLING every day financially because they have to spend SOOOO much money on diapers, wipes, school supplies, etc etc etc. My one friend has a good job, pays pretty well, but is broke ALL the time because every penny goes to paying for something else the little hellspawns need.

Thanks for the words of encouragement TW, i know my Mrs Right is out there some where, i am in no hurry to find her, i have so much to do right now that if i did have a GF i wouldnt be able to devote the time and attention i would want to to her. All in due time.

-Joe

Thanks so much you guys for your words of encouragement... I know, the financial side of it is huge. We are just now able to afford some things that we enjoy. We'd have to throw it all away, year after year after year. It's amazing how expensive things can get, even with one child. Oh, but it's all so "worth it". BAAAHHH!

You've got a great attitude, Joe. All in due time... I like that.

I've trained my DH to notice annoying brats before me. When we would go out and an unruly brat was close by, I would mumble something to myself under my breath ("damn kid", "shut up kid", "get that kid away from me"), but it would be just loud enough for DH to hear. He finally started noticing all of the horrible little shits out there. There have been a couple of times he has noticed a horrible kid before me. Now that he sees how many there are out there, he no longer sees "kodak moments". YAY! So, when you & DH are out, politely or subliminally make him notice the bad ones too. Hopefully he will get the picture like mine did.

Juliepoo15 Wrote:Thanks so much you guys for your words of encouragement... I know, the financial side of it is huge. We are just now able to afford some things that we enjoy. We'd have to throw it all away, year after year after year. It's amazing how expensive things can get, even with one child. Oh, but it's all so "worth it". BAAAHHH!

You've got a great attitude, Joe. All in due time... I like that.

Thank you Julie, I figured out a long time ago, i could either go around, down, depressed, beating myself up over everything and have a negative outlook. Or i could just choose to look at the good things in my life, be happy, and have a positive outlook. I'll choose positive over negative any day. I used to be that negative person, but that was NO fun. I have made a concerted effort to try to maintain a positive outlook, no matter HOW bad the situation is. It has helped me get through some really crappy times, like my divorce, the cheating she did, the process i am going through now with losing my house, etc etc etc.

-Joe

Awe, I'm sorry you're going through such difficult times, Joe. But you're smart enough to discover that attitude really helps a situation. Good luck getting through it all.

Haha, Sharon... Hubby actually does notice the annoying kids at times. Although, he seems to always be annoyed by people in general.

oh, its quite alright, i saw a quote earlier today that made me smile. Really fits the way i look at life:

"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."

that is SOOOOOOOOO true!!!

-Joe

Just a quick update on our situation... As far as the arguing and eggshell walking, things have been better lately. We seem to be communicating again. I also checked out a couple of counseling sessions which are helping me cope with his behavior. Haven't gotten him in yet, but I don't need to at the moment.

As far as the children argument goes, he's starting to understand. I was following my emotions and getting to high strung about the whole situation. His negativity was mostly toward my own negativity. Laying off the subject and being calm when I did bring it up has helped. He told me the other night that he would like kids, but it's ultimately up to me. He'd rather that I be happy than to push. He'd rather have me than some nonexistant kid. He's coming around, folks. Now it's time to just continue on this path without stressing or letting my emotions take over.

I hope it works out for you. The "He wants kids, I don't" thing was a HUGE factor in my divorce. What a shame there's no way to compromise on that issue.

wow, i hope things keep working out for you Julie, hopefully things can sail on smoothly until he really realizes how bad of a choice it would be to have children, then he can spend the rest of his life thanking your for opening his eyes to the awesome child free life!

-Joe

Julie, thanks for the update. I am glad to hear this.

Juliepoo15 Wrote:Just a quick update on our situation... As far as the arguing and eggshell walking, things have been better lately. We seem to be communicating again. I also checked out a couple of counseling sessions which are helping me cope with his behavior. Haven't gotten him in yet, but I don't need to at the moment.

As far as the children argument goes, he's starting to understand. I was following my emotions and getting to high strung about the whole situation. His negativity was mostly toward my own negativity. Laying off the subject and being calm when I did bring it up has helped. He told me the other night that he would like kids, but it's ultimately up to me. He'd rather that I be happy than to push. He'd rather have me than some nonexistant kid. He's coming around, folks. Now it's time to just continue on this path without stressing or letting my emotions take over.

So sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread julie. But better late then never.. LOL
I am so very happy for you that you two have come to a point where you both understand that YOU are more important then any non exsistant rugrat.
And as for your emotions getting out of hand? I say if you got him to say that to you, your way ahead of the game.
All you need to do now is to relax!!!!!!!
Don't stress about it, don't think about it, just stay focused on the day in day out activities that is your life.
And always make sure birthcontrol is being used

Thanks for the update.
And PLEASE keep us posted if anything else changes.

Glad to hear that things are going better for you Julie. And your hubby stated that he would rather have *you* than some kid that hasn't been born yet, so that's HUGE! As long as he feels that way, you should be okay. I would just drop it for now, as long as he is willing to do the same. I lost a fiance over this issue, so I hope things work out for you.