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I Kid You Not
Posted Fri, Aug 01, 2008
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I've never had any burning urge to reproduce. There's no family pressure and plenty of grandkids, even great grandkids, from the other siblings. And after spending two days at our cottage with a friend?s rugrats quelled my urge even more.

I admire women who have always known they would have kids, no question. But I also admire the ones who have always known they would not. Like my friend Karen, now in her 40s, she knew by her mid-20s that she never wanted kids and got her tubes tied at 31. "I could not see bringing yet another child into this messed up world," she says. "If I did want kids, I'd prefer to adopt a child who needed a home, rather than create another human being."

Frankly, I wish people with kids had to defend their position as thoroughly as those who don't want children. Because, heaven knows, some folks are having kids for the wrong reasons. Say, to have someone to take care of them when they're older. But, chances are your partner and/or your friends will be more reliable in old age than some kid who will no doubt grow up and move to Australia.

Another argument is that people who don't have children are selfish. And your point is? Yes, I like the freedom to work and enjoy life with just little old me to think about. Besides, give me a break. Why do you think people have kids? To further the human race? For the kid's sake? Doubtful. Usually, it's just the thing to do. Or, as Karen says, to create the ultimate accessory. "It's typically women who are oohing and ahhing over all things baby, the teensy clothes/shoes -- 'oh isn't this adorable?' -- photos, all the nursery stuff. It's like a commodity."

Sure, some people have kids because they genuinely like them but there are plenty of folks who don't. The last big grief people who choose not to have kids hear: you'll regret it. There are plenty of things I could regret if I let myself. But I certainly don't want to have a kid just in case I regret not having one. Karen says she hasn't regretted her decision for one second. "If I feel the desire to be around children, I have my sister's kids -- and remember, I don't hate the little buggers in the least!"

Okay, let me say it too. I enjoy kids, sort of. I like the fun stuff but I'm always ready to hand them back after an hour or so. New mothers always say it's different with your own. But what if it's not? You can't toss 'em back. Obviously, we have some genetic disposition to reproduce or the race would have ended long ago. But it's not for everyone. And I don't want to feel inadequate or less of a complete woman for not popping out a kid. We make childbearing so noble, such an achievement, like it's the most exciting, fulfilling thing you can do. For some, I'm sure it is. But, given our social bias, deciding not to have a child is an equally noble and difficult decision. And that, I think, deserves a cigar.

No Kidding is an international organization that offers child-free support services and info. For info, go to nokidding.net.
http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-rel...id-you-not

Amen, sister! Gotta love the breeder bingo comments though.

Could've written it myself.

Quote:Why do you think people have kids? To further the human race? For the kid's sake? Doubtful. Usually, it's just the thing to do. Or, as Karen says, to create the ultimate accessory. "It's typically women who are oohing and ahhing over all things baby, the teensy clothes/shoes -- 'oh isn't this adorable?' -- photos, all the nursery stuff. It's like a commodity

LOVE IT!!!

Excellent article!

catsnotkids Wrote:

Quote:Why do you think people have kids? To further the human race? For the kid's sake? Doubtful. Usually, it's just the thing to do. Or, as Karen says, to create the ultimate accessory. "It's typically women who are oohing and ahhing over all things baby, the teensy clothes/shoes -- 'oh isn't this adorable?' -- photos, all the nursery stuff. It's like a commodity

LOVE IT!!!

Excellent article!

Yes, and I've been saying for YEARS that people do not have kids because of some underlying social responsibility. They have them because they want them. Full stop.

People don't give a flying fuck about the future of the economy or CPP or anything else but their own selfish desire to have a child - for whatever reason.

I don't have them because I don't want them. What's the difference?

NKBurlington Wrote:

catsnotkids Wrote:

Quote:Why do you think people have kids? To further the human race? For the kid's sake? Doubtful. Usually, it's just the thing to do. Or, as Karen says, to create the ultimate accessory. "It's typically women who are oohing and ahhing over all things baby, the teensy clothes/shoes -- 'oh isn't this adorable?' -- photos, all the nursery stuff. It's like a commodity

LOVE IT!!!

Excellent article!

Yes, and I've been saying for YEARS that people do not have kids because of some underlying social responsibility. They have them because they want them. Full stop.

People don't give a flying fuck about the future of the economy or CPP or anything else but their own selfish desire to have a child - for whatever reason.

I don't have them because I don't want them. What's the difference?

Right. People generally have them simply because they want them, plain and simple, and in many cases, lending very little thought to anything else beside their urge to reproduce. Many of us CF people choose not to reproduce because we don't have the desire or interest to do so, plain and simple. However, these same people call us selfish. How are our choices more selfish than theirs? See, this is what I'm failing to understand. I've yet to obtain a clear explanation for this. What the hell is wrong with not reproducing simply because one does not have the interest nor desire to do so? Isn't that enough of a valid reason? Yet to reproduce simply because one has the desire and interest to do so is enough of a valid reason. I just don't get it.

It's not good enough because in most cases, parents think they're doing the world some great service by reproducing and we're coping out on our responsibility to replenish the earth.

We're selfish because we don't have any social responsibility for Future Earth ™. We are doing nothing to further the species and therefore, we're just coasting on their (the parents') coat tails.

NKBurlington Wrote:I don't have them because I don't want them. What's the difference?

This!

I've had many discussions about kids, with parents, childfree, and childless people and there always seems to be a need for a childfree person to explain WHY they don't have or want them.

I have many reasons, and yes all of my objections to raising a child can be overcome but it boils down to my *not wanting to.* That's it. That's all. I've even been able to overcome some objections to my previous reasons myself, but I still *don't want them.* I shouldn't have to justify my reasons to anyone other than myself.

Maybe it helps other people feel better about their choices by hearing how I got to mine, that's ok, whatever- we all compare ourselves to others in different situations and it's a way to have empathy for them, but in the end the only thing that matters is the choice one person makes for his/herself.

I don't want them because I don't like them. If I liked them I'd want them. I love doggies, so I have them, I have as many as I'm capable of dealing with. I don't love children, mostly I hate them, so I don't have them. It's pretty simple. I just think breeders want some sort of reason from me so they can shoot it down and feel good about their own choice to breed, so they can feel superior to me.

NKBurlington Wrote:It's not good enough because in most cases, parents think they're doing the world some great service by reproducing and we're coping out on our responsibility to replenish the earth.

We're selfish because we don't have any social responsibility for Future Earth ™. We are doing nothing to further the species and therefore, we're just coasting on their (the parents') coat tails.

Ah! This would be a valid point to me IF the earth was not as populated as it is now, and there was a real need to reproduce to replenish the earth. But that is not the case. I know this is not how most breeders see it, but this is the reality. As for doing anything to further the species, a CF person who does his/her part or contributes in any way to the benefit of humanity, goes a lot further to better the current/future species than breeders who just populate the earth with mediocrity, and that's a reality as well. Because of this reality, I find it difficult to feel inferior to those who who think themselves superior for 'furthering' the species.

Kawi Wrote:

NKBurlington Wrote:It's not good enough because in most cases, parents think they're doing the world some great service by reproducing and we're coping out on our responsibility to replenish the earth.

We're selfish because we don't have any social responsibility for Future Earth ™. We are doing nothing to further the species and therefore, we're just coasting on their (the parents') coat tails.

Ah! This would be a valid point to me IF the earth was not as populated as it is now, and there was a real need to reproduce to replenish the earth. But that is not the case. I know this is not how most breeders see it, but this is the reality. As for doing anything to further the species, a CF person who does his/her part or contributes in any way to the benefit of humanity, goes a lot further to better the current/future species than breeders who just populate the earth with mediocrity, and that's a reality as well. Because of this reality, I find it difficult to feel inferior to those who who think themselves superior for 'furthering' the species.

ITA. 100%. But the argument always comes back to "It'll be my kids who are looking after you when you're old" which is a crock of shit. I suppose if you take that literally, every single parent who says that expects their child to be a doctor or some other social service worker. And you know what? Who cares? A lot of my tax dollars go towards educating other peoples' children so ya; I do expect them to take care of me. After all, I helped to put them through school.

What I just don't get is how anyone can choose to create a child when there are people of all ages on this earth and in our own towns that need families.

There are thousands of children in my city that need a loving, stable family. The idea that I would choose to try to bring my own inferior genes into this world because I don't want anything other than my own DNA, or I don't want anything other than a white-looking baby, or I can't handle a couple of teenagers astounds me and frankly, it pisses me off.

I get that there is a biological component to creating your own child, I've even felt it, but I'm a human and have the intelligence to look at the world around me and control my functions by NOT breeding when others are in need.

Of course, according to parents I'm the selfish one because I won't join the baby brigade. No, I'm selfish because knowing all those things mentioned above I'm still choosing not to parent, not because I don't want my own DNA.