Do you find Friends With Kids (FWK's) prefer you to visit them rather than the other way around? I can understand they may not want their kids to rip your house apart, but do you feel discriminated against socially? And is it you always calling them? This has happened to me recently when after 20 years I could afford to buy a house (after upgrading from a poky flat) and few FWK's have responded to coming over.
I do not permit children in my home for any reason.
( Unless their life was in danger in an emergency)
I don't maintain many friendships once people start sprogging. Of the few friendships I've kept, we will usually visit at coffee shops or shopping plazas.
Rarely will someone bring their child to my home. My home is NOT child friendly in the least(breakable glasses and trinkets about, clean, orderly, no toys, games, videos or other items of interest to a kid, exotic wine bottles on display, light colored floors, tv hidden away, and 2 cats that don't like kids). The whole house pretty much says, "If you're under 18-go away."
Outside I've added several cacti as well as 2 trees and 3 flowering plants with spikes/thorns. Once a single dud came by to visit and his kid somehow ended up with his palm covered in cactus thorns! I have no clue how this happened, it's not like the cactus is in the middle of the doorway. Anyway the dud was all in a frenzy and yelling at me to get him ice or some dumb bullshit. The kid was crying and saying the cactus had jumped out at him. (ummm...ok...LOL) I just laughed and said my kid repellant was working. Dud never brought the kid back. *shrug*
But to answer your question: I find FWKs prefer I visit them, however I prefer to drop the friendship.
I don't have FWKs, no visiting choices there.
Not an issue. FWKs tend to drop us CFers. The only FWK we have is DH's best friend (the one who adopted the Guatemalan toddler), and that's so new that the logistics of it haven't worked out.
With the few FWKs I have, I just go and visit them because it's easier for everyone. It's a pain if, for instance, you just got a new place and want them to see it - but in the grand scheme of things... their kids seem to preclude that kind of visit because my house isn't kid-friendly (mainly because of one dog).
Same here - no FWK's, but I do have some aquaintances or people I get together with now and then, but their kids are usually older so they come sans kids mostly, like if we go out to tea or meet for lunch. I don't like kids at my house because of my dogs, one of them is a bit jumpy and kids usually are too loud and aggressive with my dogs. Also yes, breakable things as well. The last and only kid that's been at my house the past couple years is a 14 year old who was always pretty good with my dogs. She was old enough not to break stuff and to know better.
I don't have friends with babies/toadlers. They have nothing in common with me and usually don't care to be my friend either, they just wanna talk about mommy crap and go to playdates. So it's not an issue here.
I've never been highly social or was the type to "have people over" anyway.
Yes, I do notice that FWKs usually prefer to have us come to them. On the one hand, it really does put a crimp in our socializing style, because it really limits the type of socializing.
Usually FWKs have filthy houses covered in KinderCrap. You have to compete with the kids for your friends' attention, and you have to pretend you like the kids as much as you like your friends. There is almost always a kiddie movie on TV because god forbid you watch something for adults and the kid gets bored or exposed to something he/she shouldn't.
We were friends with one couple who always had us over for dinner and to watch a movie on TV. It was nice, but it was also the same old thing. They had a nice house and a nice well-behaved kid, but it did follow a predictable pattern.
DH and the husband used to hang out all the time...until the guy got married and had a kid.
We tried going somewhere with them and the kid...twice. Both times they were several hours late. This is not counting the many times we invited them to stuff and they canceled at the last minute.
They came over to our house...3 times. Two out of the 3 times, their toddler son puked in our house. One of those 2 times it turned out to be a stomach virus, and I missed 2 days of work.
I socialized with the wife...once. The second time I tried to do something with just us girls, I almost got stuck with 2 expensive show tickets when she couldn't go.
DH and I socialized with the husband...twice. The final time, he and I got into a huge fight because he got drunk, criticized my driving, reached over and honked the horn, causing the car in front of me to slam on the brakes, and then called me a bitch when I got mad at him, yelled "fuck you" at me, and threw a beer bottle at me.
That was the end of that friendship. DH tried to stay in touch with him, but the guy wants nothing to do with us, which is fine with me. I am still waiting for an apology.
So...yeah...I think it is better to just go to their house in the long run, because (a) it prevents them from trashing your house, and (b) you can leave whenever you want to.
I have one FWKs. I meet her out at a restaurant for dinner - that's the extent of our socializing. She respects that I'm not into hanging out w/her kids and she's glad for the respite away from them.
My sisters have kids - they come to my house, no problem. But they are older and good kids.
I too, have no FWK's at all So that subject does not apply to me.
BUT, I do have great nieces and nephews at the toddler stage.
And I am so very grateful their parents live too far away (60 miles)
to come visit us.
Anytime I do get to see them, it is always at their home.
Of course Uncle Bob is the only family member that can afford gasoline!
I would not mind if the kids came here on an occasional visit. And, No way would I ever be around to support them like some families love to do, lol
That is not for us!
But anyway, I do have a load of stuffed toys for their amusement.( my personal collection that remains upstairs)
But, alas it is not an issue anyway, cause they never come to see us.
It is just as well, for our home, is not any more kid friendly then the next CF'er home.
BTW
to the boards Mrs Flowerpot
My BFF has a 10 year old. If the kid is with M, I go there. If M escapes without the kid, she prefers to come to my house for the sanity.
I'd rather visit them than have to deal with telling their kids not to bother my pets or touch my stuff. It's just too much hassle.
I'd rather visit them, and that's usually what happened. My house is not kid-friendly, and I don't want brats tormenting my cats.
I did have a Christmas Eve party a few years ago. Two families brought their kids, and it all turned out just fine. The kids didn't break anything, the cats hid (too many people/too much noise,) and the adults got to visit with other adults.
I would like to entertain some more, and I don't forbid children, but naturally, I don't go out of my way for them, either.
Currently, there are very few people in my life with kids.
Jen M.
Most of the people in my life with kids are in other states, so it's not an issue. Only one kid has ever been to our house since we bought it last year, and he wasn't mobile yet, so there was no need to really "entertain" him extensively while we watched the superbowl.
The one big party we throw every year is off limits to kids (Halloweeeeeen!), and we let our guests know this ahead of time. My house is not child friendly, so I would always rather visit FWKs if it came down to it. As to who calls who, I find that I am generally the one to call others most of the time, regardless of kid status. I happen to have a very manageable schedule right now, and I fall out of touch just as easily as the next person when life gets hectic, so I don't worry about who's being more proactive about staying in touch. I'm just glad I'm generally in touch with the people I want to be in touch with.
I prefer going to their houses, since I don't have to stress about them harrassing the cat, or breaking something. I have to deal with the kindercrap at their house, the kid wanting to watch her DVD, but it's not as bad as it could be I suppose(these friends I am mentioning have a pool so I like going swimming there). I just got used to the changed situation.
We do have BBQs at our home so those with kids can stay in the yard and that seems OK.
No FWK's here so it's a non issue. I tend not to hang out with people who have kids.