Yesterday I went to a wellness center that does all kinds of therapies, like chiro and physical and sports medicine and massage, as well as women's health issues. I was referred there by my gyno because I've got severe pelvic pain issues, vaginismus and endometriosis, etc. The physical therapist I saw also evaluated my chiropractic issues, and I'm fucked up. After all these years of chiros and therapies and exercise I'm still as fucked up as ever, constantly in pain and completely messed up.
It goes back to when I was 10 and broke my leg in two places and destroyed my growth plate in my ankle when I fell in the gym while running during recess. I wasn't allowed to walk for a whole year, and then one day the doc said I could start walking again. I asked how, because my leg was a withered up piece of nothing, it had absolutely no strength and I couldn't stand up. The doc told me to "figure it out," and I had no physical therapy, no help. And they set my leg wrong in the cast so it points outward.
So here it is a jillion years later and everything is fucked up because of this, I have constant back and neck pain. A chiro adjustment makes me feel great, but everything goes right back out of whack within a day or two. I'm tired of my chiro, too, he's located 30 miles away and it's getting expensive and inconvenient to see him. I might start going to the chiro at this wellness center instead, he's a physical therapist, too.
So after my first visit to this place I was sent home with stretching instructions and on there she wrote, "Find a stress outlet." She said this was first and foremost my biggest problem. You guys on this message board have read about my childhood and how awful and stressful it was. My mother had borderline personality disorder and she was disabled and she was an alcoholic and she made my life a living hell. That set the tone for my entire life, and everything stresses me out now. Everything. I worry constantly about terrible things happening, to me or DH, or to the dogs. I'm constantly on high alert and the slightest unexpected noise literally makes me scream because I startle so easily.
I have absolutely no idea how to "de-stress." I tried yoga and I despise it, because of my physical problems I can't do the most fundamental beginner positions. And it hurts me to be on the floor because I have trigger points. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia once and since then some of my docs have disagreed with that and some agree. So I may or may not have it.
I'm under extra stress without DH here. I realize now how much I make him do so I can avoid physical pain. But he won't be home until nearly September, and every day is stressful for me. I've got stressful neighbors next door, I've got stressful worries where I imagine the worst things that could possibly happen, I've got chronic physical pain.
How do you guys find your stress outlet, because I'm stumped.
Hm......that's a darned good question, and I'm worried that with the multitude of problems you have (no offense!), our solutions may seem prosaic or juvenile. But I'll give it a shot.
I look for the thing that takes me out of my head, even for a little while. Reading is a HUGE de-stresser for me! But sometimes, I need something more mindless, so I have Sudoku, which I do every night before I fall asleep, and Diablo, an online game where you kill monsters. I tell you, when I'm ready to scream at the world, Diablo helps. I used to play Quake II (first person point of view shoot-em-up game), which was also satisfying. Essentially, I get to kill in a fantasy setting, and that takes me out of my worries for a time. I quit playing Quake before of the moral implications of the first-person shooter, but I think a character killing monsters and ghosts in a fantasy game like Diablo isn't damaging my psyche in any way!
I think it's important to have a particular place to de-stress, too. For me, it's the bedroom (and at this point, I should point out that DH and I sleep separately (I snore, he thrashes), but if you have an extra bedroom, you can make it your private space). I do nothing in that room except sleep, do sudoku before sleeping, and have sex. No TV in the bedroom, no eating in the bedroom, no computer in the bedroom, nothing. I don't even take my afternoon nap in the bedroom (I sleep on the couch for 20 minutes in the afternoon)! As such, I have this place that is nothing but peaceful. I keep a CD player in there to listen to audiobooks, or soft music (no hard rock or other jarring music in my relaxing space!). I once had a boyfriend who always listened to music on the CD player in his bedroom (on repeat) all night long, and he would turn the CD volume down to where you were only barely conscious of it. One of the best nights' sleep I ever had was to Enya's "Shepherd Moons" album. I also keep the ceiling fan on in there, day and night, so it's always cool.
(Speaking of which, get that portable AC unit! You will be grumpy and on edge, until you're as cool as you want to be, I promise! I have been grouchy most of today, until the weather turned around 7:30pm.)
I keep that room clean, too. No stress of walking in to a mess! I'm surrounded by my pretty things. I think before the year is out, it's going to be painted in my favorite calming colors. I have MY sheets on it, MY blankets, MY pillows. No compromising with DH there, no DH clutter, no DH underwear on the floor. It's the one room in the house that is EXACTLY as I want it to be. Or will be -- I need to put a chair in there.
I tell you, having that haven really matters. But you have to KEEP it a haven, by not polluting it with things that might not relax you (computer, TV, whatever it is that can bother you).
Having a hobby that uses your hands can also help. I've experimented at times with dollhouse miniatures, dream catchers, embroidery, paint-by-numbers, puzzles, etc. Some of have been more successful in taking me out of myself (dollhouse miniatures in particular -- creating a little room is another way of creating a haven!). And there's real peace in building things with your hands, at least for me. A good friend of mine -- a highly paid, hard-charging lawyer -- knits scarves for her "release".
Some people swear by meditation, but for me, that puts me too much INto myself, when I'm trying to get OUT of myself.
*walking the dogs?
*something that takes you out of yourself, like a hobby, art, knitting, etc.
*remembering to breathe(this is simple, but it works)
at the hospital I work in, they have Mindfulness Stress Reduction training. You can look it up,Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn started it, it's from insight meditation, but it's the secular version.
I'm a firm believer in that when your body is at ease, your mind will follow, when it's not, start noticing your thoughts and that may help.
May I recommend Al Anon. I've been going for several months (adult children of alcoholics) and it's doing wonders for my stress levels. I found I was feeling angry and bitter a lot of the time about a lot of things, and this really 'works when you work it' as they say.
I think there is a lifetime of stress and bullshit that ACOA carry with them, and I know this has been a good step in the right direction for me.
That, and getting a lot of good, restful sleep.
All great ideas!
I can't sleep, though, it's a lifelong problem.
I used to go to Al-Anon and ACoA meetings regularly, but I haven't been in a few years. I find right now if I talk about it all, it just makes me more and more angry that I had to go through all that shit growing up. And I get more tense.
I'm going to give some thought about making stuff. I've tried before--soap, needlepoint--but I get bored easily, I have a very short attention span. And also my normal life is about making stuff as a photographer and artist and designer, I'm usually creating stuff anyway.
On my second visit to the PT place the therapist suggested I do more exercise as a stress relief. I know she doesn't know me, but I exercise as much as I can already. My chronic pain keeps me from being as active as I want to be, so I do what I can, whether it's walking on the treadmill or doing the stationary bike 2-4 days a week, or something else. I can't take it much higher than that or I get a lot more pain. I already have to do two separate walks for the dogs because I can't take all three out together, unless I just take them to the park like today.
Sigh. More suggestions are welcome! I'll take them all into consideration!
I find reading a great stress-reducer. I get totally immersed in a really good book. Especially in the bathtub. I know it's really hot where you are now and you are w/o a/c so the tub isn't an option - but a great book in a quiet spot may help. If you have a decent library system you can order books for delivery to your local library for pick up from the entire system.
I also find blogging helps reduce my stress.
CNK -- great idea with the bath, and as for the heat, just make it a very cool bath! I take them a lot this hot summer, because we are trying to keep down the AC bill (our water is flat-rate, all you can drink/bathe/shower/cook-with, etc).
Have you thought about swimming, or water fitness? It is supposed to be good for those with physical pain and problems, and physical activity is my method of relieving stress. Yes, I do other things too, but if I am stressed because of something that I cannot control then this is my best method of relief. If I have control over the problem? Then I work on fixing it along with finding other coping skills.
Right now I am stressed out because of work but I am solving the problem by working through it, escaping by going to evening events with friends (going to BBQs and movie nights and forcing myself to go out and avoid thinking too hard), and I have signed up for a massage at a nearby place. I have only ever once gone for a massage at a shop and I'm curious as to how this will go! The last person barely touched me, and I was irritated because I didn't feel any different afterwards, but I have heard good things about this person. Not that any of that last bit helps you, but it was what I thought about before I read your post, just after I had read the topic.
Water aerobics was my godsend. When I broke my foot, it took over a year to heal completely. I began water aerobics as a way to try to rehab and liked it so much that I've stayed with it. It's been seven years now. Classes are designed for all levels of fitness, and even more challenging classes generally have modifications you can do to help you participate. In past and current classes, I've had classmates who've been through knee replacement, currently use wheelchairs or braces, had serious spinal problems, and even wore neck braces into the pool. One of my classmates this term took a big fall two weeks before class began and now can't move her neck or put her right arm above her head, but she is still able to do quite a bit. After you get out, you feel tired but good. I am generally pretty sore the first few days, but that goes away quickly.
Massage has also been a big help. I found a place with very reasonable prices. I go twice a month and really miss it if my schedule gets altered due to work or travel.