We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

I just found out that a 30yr old previous colleague of mine, who had 4 kids by 2 different men - but proceeded to get her business degree and try to make some changes for herself - is pregnant. By yet another man. Between the 4 kids and this pregnancy, she was also married to someone who ended up an alcoholic whom she has since divorced....again as part of her life change. She moved out of state, was pursuing a new working career, her kids were finally at an age of some self sufficiency......

I mean, seriously? What the hell causes women to be so freaking stupid?

On top of that, my friend who is dealing with her abusive marrige on the rocks, sent me a msg this morning that it's just about done (after only 6mo of her taking his shit)...that she was up until 3am listening to him shit on her again and adding threats to the mix. She said she feels like the last 9yrs were a lie, she's a mess and cannot see the other side of this.....

I'm sorry but WHAT THE FUCK? Seriously ! You KNEW he didn't have high aspirations when he was 27 making 7$/hr with a degree that was 90% finished and a military background ! It wasn't like he didn't have some sort of foundation to work with to better himself. You KNEW he didn't want kids....but ok, you thought maybe after the first one he'd love it......but then you REALLY KNEW after the first one he DIDN'T want them ! Yet, you got preggers a second time !

Exactly what part of this do you think was ever real?

I DON'T get these women. I just don't. When will they wake and smell the delusion? A majority of men like to a) work b) play c) have sex. I'm not reducing men here....I'm just stating basic facts. My DH is the love of my life and very much 50% of our marriage and home....after almost 20yrs together we're pretty sure we know what's what......he would not want to be a father EVER. If I had ever changed my mind about wanting kids, the fact still remains that DH would NOT. And frankly, kids or no, he would not want to be the sole breadwinner forever. Temporarily as a marriage cycles? sure. But forever without thought of me working? Hell no.

I just don't understand why these women set themselves up, hoping the knight in shining armor will love the kids and profess his love of family and give up the hunting and the harley and instead spend his weekends building play structures and changing diapers....when they KNOW it's not a reality.

They put on their rose glasses and dream of cinderella instead of building a life that makes sense. A life in the real world....if you want kids, fine.....make sure you find a man that REALLY wants kids....is part of a close family, finds family values important, etc. This isn't rocket science here.

If he says he's fine being the breadwinner but talks constantly about the boat/harley/RV/expensive hunting equipment he wants to own, I suggest you think twice about expecting a happy marriage with one income !

I'm just so disgusted. I think it's sad and I pity them, but at the same time I feel like I never "drank the kool-aid" and have aspirations of my own and I'm getting stuck at every turn trying to make them happen.....WTF? It's frustrating. Not all of us want someone to "save" us and coddle us and we haven't been the dumb woman and still we're road blocked !

Quote:I just don't understand why these women set themselves up, hoping the knight in shining armor will love the kids and profess his love of family and give up the hunting and the harley and instead spend his weekends building play structures and changing diapers....when they KNOW it's not a reality.

They put on their rose glasses and dream of cinderella instead of building a life that makes sense. A life in the real world....if you want kids, fine.....make sure you find a man that REALLY wants kids....is part of a close family, finds family values important, etc. This isn't rocket science here.

If he says he's fine being the breadwinner but talks constantly about the boat/harley/RV/expensive hunting equipment he wants to own, I suggest you think twice about expecting a happy marriage with one income !

I think for a lot of women, they've bought into the whole Prince Charming fantasy ever since they were little kids. They don't want to go out and work, they want to have some guy sweep them off their feet and take care of everything. And they think it's so great because they get placenta-brained and get all domestic. I don't understand why women want that kind of life, I can only say that for some of them, they've bought into some sort of happily ever after picture they grew up fantasizing about.

I think too, that some women resign themselves for men who are beneath them because they're afraid of getting older and being alone. Like it or not, there is still a prevailing attitude that women are losers if they can't "bag" a man. So some women will take whatever they can get, even if they themselves are successful, educated, attractive, ect.

And the other thing to is that a lot of guys are looking for traditional relationships. They want a woman who is going to stay at home, cook and clean, and have babies. A lot of men are intimidated by women who have successful careers and are educated. This ties in with women being afraid of being alone and so they allow the guy to dominate them and they wind up becoming virtual domestic slaves.

Quote:If he says he's fine being the breadwinner but talks constantly about the boat/harley/RV/expensive hunting equipment he wants to own, I suggest you think twice about expecting a happy marriage with one income !

I have to take exception to this statement.
My hubby would love to have loads of expensive toys one day.
But that does not mean we do not have a happy marriage with one income cause we do. He knows I cannot work due to my many disabilities. And he accepts that with no problems whatsoever.
So there are some exceptions to the rule.

But I do agree with you that women need to get their priorities straight with the men in their lives before saying "I do"
That imo is a no brainer. But why some women feel they can change the men they fall in love with, I will never know.
A little hint to any and all single women out there.
The slogan a "Lepoard can't change its spots" does apply to men.
Unless a MAN wants to change on his own...... He never will change just because YOU want him to.
It just don't work that way and it never will.
And the same can be said for some of us stubborn females too.