Crying is good. You are mourning not only what you have actually lost, but also mourning the loss of the dreams and hopes you had for the marriage.
I'm glad the dogs are doing well, and your sex drive is doing well, too!
Once I got over the initial shock of The End of the entity known as my marriage with husband #1, I was quite joyful to be embarking on my new life, like a second chance at happiness. Things sound like they're looking up for you already.
New Update:
I still don't have internet at my friend's house, so that's why I'm not around.
I made an offer on a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a yard that isn't too big. Last night my offer was accepted! The house was built in 1970 and is almost totally on one level. The only things I need to do to it to move in are put up a fence and move the washer/dryer to the main level - probably in between the kitchen and the garage. I think I am closing on July 11 - but it could be sooner depending on how the inspection goes.
Our house is going on the market on Monday. We had a couple interested in it, but they haven't made an offer, so it's time to put it on the market. I am just hoping that it sells quickly. I am borrowing money from my parents until this house sells (my anticipated share of the profit) and my parents are co-signing my loan so that I can get settled ASAP. I feel extremely lucky and blessed.
Adjusting is still hard. There have been two upsetting incidents since I last posted.
#1: Last Wednesday, I asked my crush/friend/whatever to come see the house I wanted to make an offer on - mainly because he's a mechanical engineer and would likely see things that I would not see. (I see things like ooooh, pretty cabinets!) So my friend Jen, with whom I'm staying, was out playing softball and called to check in. Except that she called my home # instead of my cell. So, knowing that I was looking at houses with my friend and that we'd probably get some dinner afterward... when a male answered, she asked if it was my friend. Needless to say, DH was pissed off. He called me and said stupid angry things like "don't have people calling here and asking for your new boyfriend" etc. Sigh. I just apologized over and over and got off the phone.
The next day I explained that I'd seen my friend exactly TWICE since we broke up - once when he helped me move and once when he looked at the house with me. Since then DH has been kind of bitter and angry in our communications - but today I broke down on the phone and asked him to please consider not taking his anger out on me, and reminded him that we're both having a hard time and it sucks for both of us in many ways and that we agreed to be amicable. He apologized and will try to be nicer and not bitch about the new reality. At least not to me. I don't care if he wants to rage against me to someone else - but I think I've taken enough abuse thankyouverymuch.
#2: You may remember my previous story about my "red zone" dog and how he bit me out of fear and anxiety about going into his crate. Well, he's not taking the changes very well and the same thing happened on Thursday night. He bit me in several places, although it all happened very quickly. I had nudged his backside with my bare foot, and he flipped out. I have a puncture wound on my forearm, about a half a dozen small lacerations on my fingers, one finger that had a ring on it is pretty bruised and swollen (and the ring was severely bent), a nasty bruise on my thigh, and a bruise/scrape/swollen place on my shin. I might have to go the doctor and get antibiotics or something, we'll see if the swelling goes down.
I gave him Rimadyl (arthritis meds) the next day because he has really bad hips and I thought that maybe they were sore since he has a yard to run around in all day and may be over-exerting himself. Today I took him to the vet for a full checkup. I told her that I can't live like this (scared of being bitten, and sometimes getting bitten) but that I really, really hoped that he wasn't beyond help. So, in addition to the pain meds, we are trying him on Prozac for his anxiety/fear. I really hope it works.
So that's all for now. I miss you guys and hope to get the interrnet working sometime next week.
I'm really sorry about your dog. I hope the new meds hlep him. This is obviously very stressful for them.
*hugs*
I hope your DH will stick to his promise to be more amicable.
Congrats on the house! It sounds great!
Jen M.
All those tricky situations during a divorce.... It sounds like your ex is still a fairly reasonable human being, though, and not insane with jealousy. That's good. During my divorce I confided in friends about what was happening and how my married life had been, and then several of them dutifully went and reported everything I said to my ex, who in turned called me several times and threatened me with violence. Thanks, "friends."
Then he told me I wasn't allowed to ever date anyone again. Never mind that he cheated on me while we were married and moved in with his girlfriend when I kicked him to the curb. It was fine for him to be living with her, but I wasn't allowed to date other men. Sigh. It's all such bullshit. Then, several months later, he saw me with a guy I was dating briefly and sent me an email saying that he hoped I was doing well with my new boyfriend. So it was all bluster. It's all craziness.
You're very lucky to have parents to help you out. Many people don't, so that's a very good thing for you to have, and it will help you get on your feet faster. And it sounds like your new home will be very good for you, too!
I feel bad that you're having to resort to drugs for your doggy. You've got a lot on your plate, though, and hiring a behaviorist probably isn't at the top of your to-do (or can-do) list. Dogs sense our unstable mental states, it's hard to be a calm and assertive pack leader when you're going through a divorce and everything is changing for you every day and emotions are raw. The dog will take over and let you know who is boss. That's really hard. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. I wish I could fix it for you from here!
hockeyhound Wrote:I had nudged his backside with my bare foot, and he flipped out.
Could you have unintentionally hurt him more than you thought you did? One of my dogs has bad arthritis & on some days if you barely brush up against one of her front legs, she yelps. On other days, she's okay. Maybe with the anxiety & everything that is going on, the pain made a bit crankier than usual. Maybe? Just a thougt.
Many hugs to you & your furbaby!! ((HUG))
Wow, HH you have a heck of a lot going on! Congratulations on the new house and on the potential sale of your old house - that was amazingly fast and great if both work out - in such a tough market. That has to be a record to find a new place and lose the old place!
I'm glad you are enjoying spending time with the new guy. You deserve it.
Hang in there - I'm sure there will be lots of ups and downs in the road ahead - these things are never easy. Best if your soon to be ex doesn't get too mad at you and maybe try to mess with the divorce proceedings and make things harder on you. Sounds like he's pretty rational overall so hopefully that continues to be the case.
Good luck with it all! I hope your dog improves.
for you and your poor dog. I can't imagine all that he is going through with changes in moods, living conditions & now his health to boot.
Poor baby
Congrats on the house. I hope it passes the inspection.
And kudos in finding a new home so fast.
ITA you must have been blessed with a quardian angel:angel:to be able to find a home so quickly in this day & age.
Congrats and loads of
to you & your fur babies
UPDATE...
Moved in to the new house, still waiting for the fence to be put in, so I'm walking doggies a lot. I'm LOVING the air conditioning, though.
DH and I met with the divorce mediator and it went well. We are going to stay married until the end of the year to preserve various tax and insurance benefits. It's basically delaying filing from August to October - so, it's no big deal. And, it's a little less stress to deal with right now, since we don't have to find all the paperwork and fill out the forms just yet.
We are in the process of dividing up the bank accounts and spending separately.
The house is showing often, but not getting any offers. People seem pretty picky right now, but we are not in a huge hurry, so who cares. Somebody will love it one of these days.
I'm still spending time with my friend/crush. He has been incredibly helpful with the moving and lifting and all of that stuff. He and my dad installed sliding drawers in my lower cabinets so I won't strain my back trying to get at my pots and pans. And often, he is a source of uncomplicated bliss - something which I feel lucky to have.
I am hoping things will settle down more and more as time goes by, and I just have to try not to think of EVERYTHING at once or I get overwhelmed. This is especially true with work - as I have been behind since January. But I can only catch up as fast as I can, and it's more important to do quality work, IMO. But I do hope to be more productive again soon. Sigh.
So, mostly good - but still a little too busy/stressed.
Glad to see things are looking up over all!
:hugs: Sorry you've had to go through so much HH, I missed this thread buried in this section. I am glad things are getting better for you, you have my support!
I'm glad you're getting settled in at the new house and that you are feeling better about things. I'm also happy you still have your friend in your life to help you through this transition.
All the best!
jen M.
I'm so embarrassed I've missed this thread for so long.
(((hugs))) to you HH, I really feel for you at this difficult time. I'm also thrilled that you are able to get on with things and your post from yesterday was quite positive.
I may have overlooked it, but where did you meet this new guy friend?
Hang in there, time heals.
I'm glad that things are working out so well for you! Great that your dad has accepted the new guy.
I didn't know your STBX had to sell your house. I guess he can't buy you out? Has he moved out also?
It seems like everything is going really smoothly - that's terrific!!
HH I am so happy for the two of you that you can have such
an amicable divorce. Kudo's to you both
It's never easy. The life you 2 shared will never be replaced.
But it is so nice that you 2 can put your differences aside for the sake of sanity, and part on good terms, rather then tear each other limb from limb.
I am so proud of the both of you. In my day, divorce was hardly ever that way.
LOL
I am also happy that you have a new BF that is making your life sweeter.
Congrats on him as well.
I am happy your dogs are getting loads of walks.
And
selling your old home.
Hey I'm late to the thread as usual. I'm glad things are getting better for you. Glad your doggie is doing better also. Things are never easy. *hugs*