I was having a chat the other day with this woman at work. I really like her a lot but I don't see her very often. We got talking and then it really went good; especially when we got talking about kids, she said that she would never have any.
I thought, "WOW!". But then, the bomb dropped when she said that she would want to adopt. We got talking about our experiences with kids in our lives (not our own, of course!) and her eyes really lit up. She just seemed so delighted in talking about kids. She really loves kids. Not me! And then she said that I'm going to have a hard time finding a woman that does not want to have any kids.
Another thing I have to say that's going on is about another discussion board I've been participating in (I'm on three other discussion boards). I was not happy with replies I got from my post.
I stated that I prefered a woman that never had any kids (that was not a CF board). I got blasted by some women saying that I'm being narrow-minded. I, myself, just don't want to deal with kids. For some reason, I have not been very successful with women that had kids. And yet, some of the women on that board said that they do not want a man that is middle-aged (or older) that has never been married. What is that all about?
Why can't I just meet a woman that feels the same way I do about kids; just like the women on this board do.
And then there is the other side of the coin. About 10 years ago, a man told me he would never seriously date a woman over 30 who had never been married before because there must be something wrong with her (and I was about 38 at the time). Um. What? Many people have weird ideas that are deeply ingrained and nothing you do will change it.
It is too bad the childless woman has such baby and child rabies, but at least you found out before even asking her out.
Tommy, unfortunately there are a lot of judgmental people out there. And yes, some women are hypocritical. They won't date a man who's shorter than 5'10" or makes less money than they do, and yet they'll be furious at a guy who has certain criteria for the women he dates. It's sad that they don't see their own hypocrisy. Hopefully you'll stay positive and don't let the jerks in life get you down.
As far as you never finding a woman who doesn't want kids, I think that is ridiculous. Those people don't know what they are talking about. Look how many more women than men there are on all the CF boards (not just this one)! And you can go to any No Kidding! chapter and see couples, single women, and very few single men. You are DEFINITELY at an advantage.
My mother used to tell me I was "narrow-minded" because I didn't want to date any man who smoked cigarettes. I mean, it's fundamental to compatibility to not find your date utterly disgusting because he's a smoker. If I'm disgusted, how can I possibly have any kind of real relationship? But in her mind, it was stupid for me to not even consider a guy because he was a smoker, this is because she was a smoker, and she never had a clue as to how vile it is. Of course, she died from smoking, but that's another story...
You're not being "narrow-minded," you are looking for someone who is compatible with you, and among other compatibility points, being CF is a deal breaker for you. That's important. Would those idiots on the other boards prefer you to just pretend you like kids so you can get married to just about any chick and when she starts pumping them out, then the troubles begin and the divorce comes and then the kids are fucked up forever? You're living your life, not theirs, and they don't give a shit about you or if you have a happy life.
You know yourself, most people don't. Most people just follow the fucking script and never think about the consequences of marrying someone who wants a different life than they do.
I've met a lot of CF women, in Tulsa and in Maine and here in San Diego. They're out there, no matter what those jerks on the other message boards say.
I think that a lot of women, whether they have kids or want them will think that you're not being willing to date someone with kids is putting down their own decisions. We know it's not, but some people are really offended that anyone either doesn't want kids. Whether that stems from jealousy, pettiness, or something else is hard to say but just ignore them.
If you won't be happy being around kids of any age there's nothing wrong with limiting yourself to that. There's no sense in being miserable to widen the dating pool a little. Some things can be overlooked, but others can't and I think kids fall into that category for you.
Quote:Why can't I just meet a woman that feels the same way I do about kids; just like the women on this board do.
I ask myself the same question in reverse. I have no luck when it comes to meeting guys. Hell, I haven't met
anyone since the disaster with the ex.
I hate when people make us feel like we're losers or that there is something wrong with us because we don't want kids.
But even though it hurts, I'd rather know right off the bat that the person wanted kids so I would know not to pursue it any further. But yeah, it sucks.
Tommy, stick to your guns. Few issues are less negotiable than this one. You'll find someone who shares your views. I did!
There are a lot of dating sites that let you specify these things. When I got hits from guys who did not fit my criteria, I ignored them.
I will 2nd the statement that it's good this woman's kid-rabies came out before you wasted your time asking her out.
Jen M.