Eddy; It sounds like your grandmother belongs in a nursing home-especially with Alzheimer's. The disease advances very quickly. I've seen in my own family how a person becomes basically a vegetable once they reach the advanced stages of Alzheimer's and don't recognize anyone or remember anything, and it happens within months.
That brings up another issue: who is her Power of Attorney? If she hasn't appointed anyone in writing while she was of SOUND MIND, then the court will appoint a family member when it reaches the point of having to commit her to a nursing home that deals with Alzheimer's patients. Who is the closest family member to her? If it's you, then it's a whole new ball game.
Living with her would be really difficult, but it doesn't seem like her dementia has progressed very far if she remembers being diagnosed, especially if it was recently.
Honestly, as I mentioned before, the cheapest thing we'd recommend to clients in similar situations is to look for a room-for-rent. Its much cheaper than an apartment or crappy hotel, and sometimes a nice elderly person just wants someone to see if they're still alive each morning, or occasionally take out their garbage. You can see if there's an local agency that would pre-screen and arrange for you to meet with a potential leaser.
This really sucks major balls as the title of the thread indicates.
Right now there is no power of attorney indicated for either of her sons. I hate to say it, but dickhead is much more likely to be granted POA simply because he's been more involved with her than I have because of proximity and because he's a servile bootlicker. I am her bloodline grandson whom she adopted back in the 80s as her son, while dickhead is her natural son. A court is going to vote for him, especially since he has far better financial resources than I do.
Since she lives in a house owned by him that's even worse. It implies that he is taking care of her even if it's on a marginal basis.
What is really depressing is that when I initially moved out back in 2002 I had a buddy help me move and he said that she was losing it. He even looked embarrassed as he admitted it but I told him that I had strong suspicions about that. She's gone into major decline and there is nothing I can do about it which is the worst thing.
Eddy -- so sorry about the situation with your grandmother going down hill. If she's living alone with Alzheimer's she's a ticking time-bomb. It's only a matter of time before she wanders into traffic, or is found two states away because she couldn't remember what street to turn on to get home, or sets the kitchen on fire. If your father isn't seeking POA, he's a double dickhead.
Yeah, I now agree that this is a situation you ought not get into. It's one thing if she's old and just a bit confused. But Alzheimer's is a very long death -- I have to disagree with Dog Holiday's assertion that it's a quick progression. Studies show the average lifespan after diagnosis is 8-12 years. My DH's aunt had Alzheimer's for 9 years before she died. You don't need to be stuck in that, for a decade or more!
Wish I could help you with housing.
PG, it varies in the progression. Generally it does take years to kill the person, but it can move very quickly, esp. with the early onset form of the disease.
I talked to her the other evening. She forgot that they took her dog. Either she's really playing a twisted mind game which I wouldn't doubt or she's more gone than I thought. I really don't want any part of this either way. I'm looking at very tall bridges speculatively at this point.
Eddy, look at it this way: If "Dickhead" has POA, then it doesn't have to be your problem, at all, and you can move on with your life.
I will keep my eyes open for rentals. What is "cheap" for you? Feel free to PM me with your specifications/needs/range you can handle. The DC area is feeling the recession, but I think we're better off than a lot of areas.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Jen
(07-10-2010 12:21 AM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]This really sucks major balls as the title of the thread indicates.
Right now there is no power of attorney indicated for either of her sons. I hate to say it, but dickhead is much more likely to be granted POA simply because he's been more involved with her than I have because of proximity and because he's a servile bootlicker. I am her bloodline grandson whom she adopted back in the 80s as her son, while dickhead is her natural son. A court is going to vote for him, especially since he has far better financial resources than I do.
Since she lives in a house owned by him that's even worse. It implies that he is taking care of her even if it's on a marginal basis.
What is really depressing is that when I initially moved out back in 2002 I had a buddy help me move and he said that she was losing it. He even looked embarrassed as he admitted it but I told him that I had strong suspicions about that. She's gone into major decline and there is nothing I can do about it which is the worst thing.
(07-11-2010 12:34 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]I talked to her the other evening. She forgot that they took her dog. Either she's really playing a twisted mind game which I wouldn't doubt or she's more gone than I thought. I really don't want any part of this either way. I'm looking at very tall bridges speculatively at this point.
If she's that far gone, then I'm glad as hell they took her dog. She could have easily starved him to death by forgetting to feed him or forgetting he was there at all. Dogs deserve the best parents possible.
I hope you can just walk away from everything, just sever yourself from your family and go it alone, as though they don't exist. I did that with my father's family, I didn't even attend his mother's funeral. I've been pretty much severed from all family since 1995, I just email my aunt and great aunt once in awhile. I hope you find a way to do that, I wish I could wave a wand and get you a sustainable job somewhere far away from them and you can just get on with living your life, you have a right to your own life.
Eddy, that totally sucks. I am sorry you are going through this.
Well, I'll probably be making a visit sometime this week in an attempt to find housing and arrange for movers. I am really really not happy about this and I'm going to be adamant about having my own place in a town a few miles away.
The town I'm looking at is not only cheaper but far more accessible to highways (and jobs) than my hometown on the order of half an hour better. I don't have any reason to stay in Pittsburgh and the boom is about to be lowered on me financially so hopefully this can help me out.
Oh, my internet may be disrupted for lack of payment within a couple days so I don't know if/when I can be back online regularly.
Eddy, does your family need to know anything about where you are moving? Why tell them?
Anyhow, good luck with the move. I really am keeping you in my good thoughts.
Hope to see you back online soon.
Still wish I had a room I could rent you...
Jen
Eddy I am so sorry to be late posting here.
I am all caught up and all I can say is WOW
I know what your going through. Not in terms of having to move. But in the terms of your shithead father being the POA and all.
I wish I had a way to make things better for you, but I don't
I would not suggest moving to Cleveland either.
The Job market here is just as bad as it is in PA
Maybe you can put an ad on Craigs list looking to split costs with a room mate?
That would save you $ and you won't feel that you have to return to your shitty family ( sorry, I call it like I see it)
I just hope you can find a job soon.
And maybe you won't have to leave. But if you do, I wish you all the luck in the world.
Take care and thanks for sharing
I'm at the college poaching off their wireless internet since my userid still works for a day or two.
Anyway, I'm leaving tonight at like 4 am so I have most of the day tomorrow to look for a place and arrange for movers. If any of you believe in prayer or incense or wishes I could sure use them because having to move in with her would be a complete disaster. The only reason I'm even bothering with her is that I'm about to have a financial meltdown of epic proportions and she's the only one that I can turn to which I hate because she will be the manipulative bitch that she usually is.
It's pretty sad when you actually want your family to die just so you can stand alone against the world and know that the world will try to crush you not from hatred or cruelty but from sheer indifference.
I'll keep you informed as I learn more.
I'll think of you often, Eddy. Godspeed.
I do, too. You are definitely in my heart and in my prayers.
Jen
Eddy, You know I am praying for you
I am all to familiar with wishing people dead.
So, don't beat yourself up over it, shit happens. And when you least expect it.
And so does the good stuff too! I am wishing only good stuff FOR YOU!
Take Care and STAY SANE!
Eddy,
I wanted to say that I am really, really sorry you are having to go through all of this stress. I mean, I am just a person somewhere on the web, but I want you to know that I do wish you well and I really hope things do work out for you. As someone told me today, when shit is going DOOOOoowwwwnn...stop, take a turn sideways and then build it back up. I never really looked at difficult and stressful issues and situations like that before, but it made sense to me (and I am a pretty fucking negative person at times).
So, do what you need to do to keep from drowning.
Life does suck.
I will be the first to say that I have been through my share of crap and when I would get home and cry and cry and cry and think NOTHING is going to get better....miraculously, it does. Sometimes it is just being at the right spot at the right time. Sometimes seeking out others in similar situations or people that have been through something similar in the past can provide an amazing amount of support and give incredible insight...just when you think you know it all, lol....you learn something.
I do not have a good support system. I have always been pretty much a loner and have liked it that way, but now that I am getting a bit older older, I am finding I need that I do need a shoulder to cry on or a person to meet with me to discuss issues that bother me. I NEVER though I would say that in a million years. Don't get me wrong...I am still basically a loner, but as life comes more complicated, a support system does really help.
So, we are here for you Eddy.
Good luck, Eddy. I hope everything goes OK for you and you are able to make the transition successfully. We'll be thinking of you.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to add that hasn't already been posted. However I want you to know I wish you the best and hang in there. Things will get better.
Yes, things do get better. Change is the only sure thing that will happen.It's how you react that helps or hinders.