07-01-2010, 10:40 AM
Hi everyone.. I'm glad I came across you guys! Seems like I'll find a lot of like minded people here.
I'm in my mid 20s and newly married. I've never really wanted children, but I grew up in the Bible belt, where everyone has 2-3 children by the time they are my age. My grandmother had 11 children. I just grew up as I imagine many of us did, just assuming I would have children the way people assume they will get married, get a job, go to college, etc.
It was late high school when I started to realize that there is another way to live.. that people who don't have children aren't all that way because they are infertile or couldn't find a partner. I started to wonder why anyone would ever even choose to have children (I still wonder that!)
I am just.. not a mother. I think that's ok. I'm not a scientist or a ballerina either. Some people can't sing, I can't be a mother. My other grandmother (who I still love very much) was not a natural mother and her children suffered for it; they were practically raised either by other family members or, as they grew older, by themselves. I think it's much better for us to realize that "Hey.. we aren't parents. We don't care for that lifestyle. We don't care for children. How about.. we don't have children?!" as opposed to having kids and not being a good parent to them when we KNEW ahead of time that we wouldn't be good and happy parents.
I don't care for most young children. I had a calling for educating young adults, but the current educational system is such that when I married, I chose to immigrate to my husband's country, and when I can work here, I will either educate adults or try another field. Our entire society, beginning at birth and continuing through school, is built to instill false self esteem and egos and to give endless 'chances' to kids that, even when I was young, would be sent to military school without a second thought.
I'm ok with parents who are good parents.. but they seem so few and far between nowadays. My younger sister is a natural parent and a very good mother, even in bad circumstances. My older sister is the opposite. I just think that if you don't understand what parenting entails and/or you don't like the idea of properly raising and caring for a child, 24/7 for 18+ years.. how about you DON'T DO THAT?!
It seems so easy.
I'm pretty blessed though.. most people are ok with the fact that we don't want kids, but I think most of them believe we will change our minds, so I may face more pressure as I enter my 30s, etc.
Anyway.. sorry this is long. I'm new to this country and I don't really have anyone to talk to about anything, let alone childfree life.
I'm in my mid 20s and newly married. I've never really wanted children, but I grew up in the Bible belt, where everyone has 2-3 children by the time they are my age. My grandmother had 11 children. I just grew up as I imagine many of us did, just assuming I would have children the way people assume they will get married, get a job, go to college, etc.
It was late high school when I started to realize that there is another way to live.. that people who don't have children aren't all that way because they are infertile or couldn't find a partner. I started to wonder why anyone would ever even choose to have children (I still wonder that!)
I am just.. not a mother. I think that's ok. I'm not a scientist or a ballerina either. Some people can't sing, I can't be a mother. My other grandmother (who I still love very much) was not a natural mother and her children suffered for it; they were practically raised either by other family members or, as they grew older, by themselves. I think it's much better for us to realize that "Hey.. we aren't parents. We don't care for that lifestyle. We don't care for children. How about.. we don't have children?!" as opposed to having kids and not being a good parent to them when we KNEW ahead of time that we wouldn't be good and happy parents.
I don't care for most young children. I had a calling for educating young adults, but the current educational system is such that when I married, I chose to immigrate to my husband's country, and when I can work here, I will either educate adults or try another field. Our entire society, beginning at birth and continuing through school, is built to instill false self esteem and egos and to give endless 'chances' to kids that, even when I was young, would be sent to military school without a second thought.
I'm ok with parents who are good parents.. but they seem so few and far between nowadays. My younger sister is a natural parent and a very good mother, even in bad circumstances. My older sister is the opposite. I just think that if you don't understand what parenting entails and/or you don't like the idea of properly raising and caring for a child, 24/7 for 18+ years.. how about you DON'T DO THAT?!
It seems so easy.
I'm pretty blessed though.. most people are ok with the fact that we don't want kids, but I think most of them believe we will change our minds, so I may face more pressure as I enter my 30s, etc.
Anyway.. sorry this is long. I'm new to this country and I don't really have anyone to talk to about anything, let alone childfree life.
to the boards Kitties. That is cool that your living in Canada now. I always love visiting there.