I'm wondering if I'm starting to become agoraphobic. I've been confined to my house for several reasons - lack of money to do anything, not feeling "well enough" to drive safely, and just getting frustrated at the sheer amount of time it takes to get anywhere. There's so much construction and traffic lights and shit that it takes an hour to go somewhere that used to be 20 minutes away. I've always had trouble with feeling like I'm gonna fall asleep if I'm stopped, and the majority of the time I'm on the road, I'm stopped.
I'm constantly agitated and frustrated by the lack of things to do in my house. I can barely sit down long enough to view a webpage (the fact that I'm writing this is AMAZING right now), but as soon as I leave to go anywhere, all I want is to be back at home. I feel like I need to GO all the time, but there's nowhere to go. I have video games, but I don't have the attention span to play them. I tried to play one last night and lasted maybe 10 minutes. As far as going out, I'm not having panic attacks or anything - it's hard to describe. It's almost like I'm afraid I won't be able to drive back home for whatever reason, so I need to be at home. There's no public transportation where I live, so you have to drive to go anywhere.
What is wrong with me? How do I make it stop? This is killing me, and for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to get scared that I might do something to myself because I'm so upset all the time. Sorry - I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting, but I need to get that out.
I apologize, I might just use this thread to kind of pour my brain out and keep sane. I feel like just being in bed with my laptop is keeping me a little more sane instead of sitting at the desk. Unfortunately, I can't use my external hard drive (which has everything on it because my laptop has a very small hard drive) anywhere but my desk, but I feel like it's helping my attention span a bit. I don't know. This just doesn't make any sense.
I can relate to the driving part. 2 days ago I was turning right and didn't see this guy and he side-swiped me. He was driving a beat-up Honda and didn't care. He did stop and said something like "are you happy?'" I said NO. he couldn't speak English really well and I didn't understand what he wanted to do. He said it was my fault(probably true). I didn't ask if he had insurance, so I said fine and drove away. There was not much of a dent, just his blue paint on my red car. Fortunately with the non-metal materials my door is made of I was able to wipe it off with a dish sponge. But after that I haven't wanted to drive or cycle in traffic. But I'm going to go drive tomorrow and be cautious. you have to just keep going or else you're stuck at home. It's reaching the balance between comfort and novelty.
Those of us who've been unemployed at various times can relate to what you're going through-wanting to go out and do something, but anything other than breathing costs money, which is in short supply when you're out of work. There's the same struggle that you mentioned-going stir crazy if staying home all the time, but wanting to get home if you're out for no real reason.
Are there any nature/bike/walking trails in your area? I'm lucky I'm not too far from some trails. It's good to get out and get some exercise by walking or bike riding on the trails. I'm no gym rat or anything like that, but I find exercise in any form is a stress reliever, especially if you do it away from home.
Are there any groups, organizations that you can join, such as doing volunteer work? Volunteering in an animal shelter is a good way to get out and help our furry friends. You'll never find any other place where there's so much love and appreciation than from animals in a shelter.
Thanks, guys. There's not much in the way of nature trails around here - we do have a large national park, but it's about 40 minutes away and you have to deal with horrendous traffic to get there. It's also really, really hot here (think triple digits most days), and I get sick in the heat very easily. I've wanted to volunteer with animal shelters, but they all require you to have health insurance, which I don't have.
I appreciate your thoughts!
Man that sounds like me - I want to get out and do stuff, but I don't, I want to stay home. Staying home bores me, but I feel so BLAH and nothing out there interests me. Lack of money is big, or just getting out in the elements, the possibility of dealing with bad drivers, etc. I haven't worked for a few years and I tend to get a bit down if I stay home too many days in a row. But, when I have something planned the night before I dread it and only want to stay home.
I have no idea what's up with that.
I just moved from a naturally beautiful area to a huge city, and the novelty has worn off big time! When I drive, idiotic jay walkers and bikers and drivers make me wish I lived in a cave, and walking here is pretty annoying since trees and nature are a novelty and I'm sick of seeing concrete.. there is a beach here, but it's disgusting and since school is out, brats are everywhere.
And I'm also not working right now, so no money to do much either. The only exception is when I get out with my husband.. I enjoy that, but I don't want to be dependent on him to leave the house!
I guess we just kind of have to make ourselves get out!
I have a couple of ideas. I don't know if they will help; but here's what I have done.
There's a group that I've been going to one night every week. It's called The Phobia Group. It's a group of people that talk about their issues with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. There was one guy that had agoraphobia for about a couple of years. He did get help with treatment and he attended the group. Some of the people that have gone to the group for a good while knew him and praised him for being able to get out of the agoraphobia. He spent a good amount of time just locked into his home (he lived with his parents) and then he was able to drive out, shop, and go to a community college. That may not sound like much, but it was a big miracle for him.
They probably would have something like that in your area; and it would be at a hospital, psychiatric center, or community center. It would be worth it to check it out. It probably would not work as well as a private therapist, but if you do not have much money, then it would be a good start. Who knows, you may even meet someone going through the very same thing.
Also, there's a program that I'm into called the Stephen Ministry. If you can call around the churches in your area, they may know of one. I signed up for it myself as a care-receiver two years ago because of my panic attacks and depression. I just happened to see it when I looked at the church bulletin. I has been a great thing for me. The man I meet with (one night a week) is such a blessing to me.
If you are not into church or not into religion, then they could still work with you. They will be caring for you and not shove their ideals to you. The Stephen Ministers do care-give others that do not go to church and are not christian; and it's working out very well. Also, they will (and do) work with shut-ins.
Well, those are my ideas.
Thanks again, guys. I appreciate it so much! <3
The money thing is just huge - I'm overdrawn on my bank account right now because my unemployment was cut off with no warning and I needed medication, so I'm pinching every penny and don't want to waste gas going places that I don't have to (my car freakin' hemorrhages gas - if you're looking for a gas sipper, don't get a Grand Am!). But I'm going to try to go to the mall today just to get out of the house and hopefully not freak out too much. Maybe I don't like going out because the only places I go are places that I HAVE to go to? I don't know. My crazy agitation has settled down a lot, which I'm way grateful for. That's made things a lot easier. I need to sell some stuff which is VERY time-consuming. I hope this newest extension of unemployment benefits passes Congress (it's passed the House, but they're not back in session until July 12th). I don't want to sell my stuff. Even if all it really does is sit in boxes. XD
Oh! Another spiffy thing I did was get a free trial of Netflix (yes, I'm one of the 12 people in this country who hasn't used it yet), so I'll have countless documentaries and tv series at my disposal. Yay!
I had health issues in the past that turned into crazy irritable bowel syndrome flare-ups. My anxiety level was so high that I didn't want to leave the house. I knew this wasn't a good idea, so I kept making myself go out, even if it was only for a short walk. Exercise is good to calm that kind of anxiety. Can you go for a walk in your neighboorhood? You don't have to drive somewhere to enjoy a walk and it doesn't have to be on a scenic road/street or in a park.
If you're not having panic attacks, then it's probably not agoraphobia... but you don't want the anxiety to start controlling your life, so maybe it would be a good idea to make efforts everyday to go out.
Hang in there...
Are you able to leave the house calmly if you are with another person, perhaps a person who is driving? I am wondering if it is truly agoraphobia or just a fear of going somewhere by yourself.
Thanks, everyone. I'm doing much better this week! Maybe it was just all the meds screwing with me - we've been tampering with them quite a bit. I actually don't like going places with other people - I feel compelled to make small talk with them and worry constantly about if I'm boring them or annoying them or whatever.
Nadleeh, why not just go where you like, and see if others approach you? If they don't, you don't have to talk. If they do, you can assume they are interested. If it turns out they're not, press on to the next location or activity, and don't worry about it.
Nadleeh, I know it has been awhile since anyone has posted in this thread, but....HOW ARE YOU?
Are they still messing around with the meds? That can be
very frustrating because it can take months to get the correct concoction. I've been there.
Anyway, I miss your posts.
We haven't heard from you in awhile and we hope that you are alright!
Please let us know, ok?