06-15-2010, 08:01 PM
From Carolyn Hax's advice column
May 13, 2010
Dear Carolyn:
I am 33, single and about one iota of certainty away from deciding to get artificially inseminated. The only thing really stopping me is that absolutely no one in my life supports this decision. Their reasons range from "You're too young to give up on finding a husband" to "You're too busy to raise a child alone." I have thought about this for a long time and feel relatively sure, but the fact that everyone who loves me is so against it really bugs me. Anything you can say to help me? -- New Jersey
All you can do is take each dissenting opinion, see if you have an answer that isn't a rationalization, then make your best decision from there.
Obviously it's very difficult for any of us to spot our own rationalizations, but it can be done.
In this case, look for specific, versus general, counterarguments. For example, "You're too busy," they say -- so, what's your response? Is it specific -- "I spend two hours in the gym when I can easily quit after 45 minutes, or work out with videos at home" -- or is it "People always find time when they need to"? Is it "I can cut my two-hour commute to 30 minutes if I move to the neighborhood I've researched that's close to work and several reputable child-care providers," or is it "The commute isn't that bad"?
This test-my-logic method is also strictly about weighing criticism as objectively as you can; I'm not suggesting you use it to knock down your last iota of doubt. You need to heed your own reservations -- and challenge your own reasoning -- far more assiduously than you do anyone else's.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme at washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Fridays at http://www.washingtonpost.com.
http://www.ctpost.com/default/article/Sh...485676.php
May 13, 2010
Dear Carolyn:
I am 33, single and about one iota of certainty away from deciding to get artificially inseminated. The only thing really stopping me is that absolutely no one in my life supports this decision. Their reasons range from "You're too young to give up on finding a husband" to "You're too busy to raise a child alone." I have thought about this for a long time and feel relatively sure, but the fact that everyone who loves me is so against it really bugs me. Anything you can say to help me? -- New Jersey
All you can do is take each dissenting opinion, see if you have an answer that isn't a rationalization, then make your best decision from there.
Obviously it's very difficult for any of us to spot our own rationalizations, but it can be done.
In this case, look for specific, versus general, counterarguments. For example, "You're too busy," they say -- so, what's your response? Is it specific -- "I spend two hours in the gym when I can easily quit after 45 minutes, or work out with videos at home" -- or is it "People always find time when they need to"? Is it "I can cut my two-hour commute to 30 minutes if I move to the neighborhood I've researched that's close to work and several reputable child-care providers," or is it "The commute isn't that bad"?
This test-my-logic method is also strictly about weighing criticism as objectively as you can; I'm not suggesting you use it to knock down your last iota of doubt. You need to heed your own reservations -- and challenge your own reasoning -- far more assiduously than you do anyone else's.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme at washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Fridays at http://www.washingtonpost.com.
http://www.ctpost.com/default/article/Sh...485676.php
