In a lot of cases, after someone turns 18, the heat is on to find a mate and settle down. Especially when people are finished with school and start working. People's view is if you're getting a paycheck, you can afford to follow the other sheeple-get married and start breeding.
I don't understand the hounding if a brother or sister is getting married. If a brother or sister commits suicide, are you expected to do the same? A large part of the hounding is that the parents want to make sure there are grandkids along the way right after the marriage. After all, the parents are entitled to have grandkids and feel it's their right to make sure that their kids provide them with what they want. My view is screw you, I'll make my own decisions.
Quote: My view is screw you, I'll make my own decisions
LMAO Great retort dog hollidays, I could not have said that better myself.
And FYI I did not get married till I was 29
So so much for the 18 and out of the house rule. lol
I did not leave my mothers clutchs till I was 27
Although I had tried many times prior to that. But the guilt she laid on me was too massive to overcome back then.
Yeah, I don't get it either. Sometimes It's cultural which I can sort of understand but then on the other hand, let one live one's own life.
It's classic sibling rivalry. It doesn't even necessarily have to do with marriage. If the younger sister got a better job or got into a better college or had a baby first, the other sister would have freaked out just as much. The older sibling always expects to be "first" at everything.
Personally, I think her mistake was to keep answering everyone's questions. I would have just said "I'm perfectly happy, thanks for asking" and just moved on. Additionally it is total BS that they were saying she was "getting old"-ok seriously the average age for an American's first marriage is 25! Not that it matters all that much but I think that makes it seem that much more ridicious for everyone to be pushing her to marry.
Koi, I think another good response would be to stare incredulously at the other person (the critic) and say "What are you saying, exactly?" about a dozen times. I have tried this and it's a lot of fun to make them explain themselves. So often they make these rote remarks without even thinking. Demanding a detailed explanation can be a fun way to pass the time.
Elsbee, another excellent response I'll save for future use! I get so many by reading this board!
(06-15-2010 10:37 PM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]Koi, I think another good response would be to stare incredulously at the other person (the critic) and say "What are you saying, exactly?" about a dozen times. I have tried this and it's a lot of fun to make them explain themselves. So often they make these rote remarks without even thinking. Demanding a detailed explanation can be a fun way to pass the time.
eslbee, lmao that reminds me of an old SNL bit with Dan Rather &
Jon Lovitz. It was about one getting fired off of a job.
And one kept saying to the other "you'll never work in this town again you hear me. Your through, finished, washed up", and the other would say, "so what are you trying to say?"
LOL.
ITA That is a fun way to pass the time.
Makes me glad that I was an only child, no one older or younger then me in my immediate family to get married ... and the one causion that did get married pretty much tossed me out of the family tree after I refused to go to his wedding.
It was right during winter exams in university and getting an extension to hand in a few of my papers wasn't going to be easy - and it wasn't either one prof wouldn't give it to me so I had to take the 5% penalty against my grade which dropped me from an A to a B+ - so much for straight A record for that term.
I did go to his wedding after his mom (my mom's sister) called and started in on her sister about me bowing out of the wedding do to school (my stupid causion should have known better and understood, he's a freaking prof himself, but no his getting married was more important then my schooling), so what happened when I arrive at the wedding location and at the reception? I get ignored in the reception line they pass me over like I didn't exist, instead of getting sat near the head table as "close" family is suppose to get sat, mom, dad, granny and I where sat off to one corner of the room.
I stayed long enough to have dinner then I took granny back to our room and hit the books, I wasn't going to stick around where I wasn't wonted - I did go back to the reception from time to time to take a break from studying and working on my papers but every time I went back no one talked to me, only person who danced with me was my dad.
The reception went on into the wee hours of the morn, and of course my folks didn't stay for it that late - they left around midnight which ended up ticking him and his bride off that they would leave "so early, when things where just getting started" - sighs and growls.
Some time after the wedding when I was back in school my folks got the thank you letter from him and guess what of us I was the only one who was not even mentioned in the thank you notice, and every letter since then its always been addressed to my folks and never to me. Even when I got married they said nothing to me about being engaged or anything. But get this they where upset that I didn't invite them and their little screamer to the wedding when I did get married (according to my mom's sister that is, since he never bothered to call in regards to the matter himself).
Its like hello, you treated me like nothing and have dun so from that day onwards why in the world would I wont you at what is suppose to be the happiest day of my life? Oh and why would I wont their little brat to be there screaming and getting under foot when no one else with a tot had been invited? The youngest person at the wedding was 14 yet to look at him you'd think he was in his 20s and how he talked and behaved are well beyond his years - so having him at the wedding to us wasn't an issue.
Shakes head, then his wife calls my mom or mom calls her I can't remember which while DH and I where down in the US (DH is American so we had to go back down there after the wedding for a time to get his stuff together for immigrations) and shortly there after a single email the first I've ever gotten from them in my life appears, wishing me well and saying "It is good that you have found someone to settle down with, we looking forwards to XXXXX having another younger cusion to play with soon..."
Oh DH and I where livid over that comment that was made, not only did they assume that we where going to breed, but that any child of ours would end up playing with their child on top of it. The email I sent back was polite as things go, but I also made it clear that their assumptions where not welcomed nor appreciated. Funny thing is, that was the first and last time I heard from them.
Oh well their loss, this issues not mine. But yes it still hurt and pisses me off at how I was treated all those years ago by them and how they had continued to treat me since that happened.
We all have our family horror stories some are worse then others but we all have them and have to deal with them - I know DH has his share since he was the last of his siblings to get married (chuckles and he even has nieces and nephews who he raised who have gotten married before him and had more kids that he's looked after on top of that) his whole family was harping on him to get married and when he did they where not happy because he was marrying out side their faith and to boot wasn't marrying anyone local and worse yet was marrying a girl from another country (like Canada a real foreign country - k maybe to many American's it is - shrugs).
Well end of my little rant ... on the article it was a good read made me smile while reading it and chuckles in parts as well.
I just got married at the age of 26 and my whole family keeps saying "I never thought it would happen for you!!" I think that mid 20s are a perfectly acceptable age for marriage, but I guess I was wrong!
Here's a few bullet points!
-Marriage does NOT = Brats!!
-Never getting married does not = maladjusted or 'wrong'!
-Terribly sorry that I got my Masters Degree and began a career first!
-Terribly sorry I was with my hubby for seven years before we married so we knew if we could really spend 'forever' together!
-However, I do still believe that 18 should = out the door! 18 should mean self sufficient, but self sufficient doesn't mean you get married and/or breed!
On a side note regarding the above post, I got married a city hall with close family only.. just because you enter a new phase in your life doesn't mean you have to be the center of attention for months of wedding planning, etc. Totally their fault, not yours!
(07-01-2010 10:57 AM)kittiesplease Wrote: [ -> ]-However, I do still believe that 18 should = out the door!
Yes, but your parents have to raise you to be! Mine sheltered me purposely and I did not feel I could move out at the age of 18. I didn't have any confidence (I was not raised to believe in myself or to "be what I want to be" sort of thing.)
I got married at 26 as well, I still think that is a bit early. I feel sorry for people who think there's nothing more to life after high school than marriage and babies. Doesn't anyone ever want to get out and see places, do things, change the world, have adventures and experiences? To me those were the cool people - those who went to other countries to study, or help the poor, etc. NOT the ones who settled for the first one who came along and had babies. That life always seemed like a prison for me, when I was a child myself.