We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

I'm so glad this site is here. I was just reading a couple of peoples stories about being cf. It's nice to know that other people have the same feelings.

I dont think I ever really wanted kids. Even when I was just a little girl I never played with dolls like other kids. I always played with stuffed animals. So thru various problems with my reproductive system and not being sure if I can reproduce anyway, and the fact that I'm not a kid person , here I am.

I'm 49 years old. Just 3 years ago I got married. We have a delightful life. Just myself, my husband, dog and cat. I love it!!

I've had the same job for about 7 years and I meet a lot of new people, and there's always the same question. Do you have children? oh......you dont? NONE?????? Why dont you have any kids?

Why do people feel they can ask such personal questions. Someone the other day said to me "that's really sad. What's gonna happen to you when you get old? You'll be in a nursing home rotting away by yourself." I still cant believe she said that. Another thing that always gets me on mothers day people have said, "you're a mother , you have youre dog and cat". Anyway, they are not replacements for kids.

(I hope I havent ranted too much)

Claire

(06-14-2010 03:32 PM)clairelyn Wrote: [ -> ]Anyway, they are not replacements for kids.

Claire

Of course not! They're a huge improvement over kids!

Welcome!

(06-14-2010 03:32 PM)clairelyn Wrote: [ -> ]Someone the other day said to me "that's really sad. What's gonna happen to you when you get old? You'll be in a nursing home rotting away by yourself."

The next time some ignorant fool says that to you, you can tell them you know someone who said this: My dogs and I were part of the Visiting Pet Program when we lived in New Orleans, and we'd go to nursing homes every month so the residents would be able to get some love from our dogs, and I can't tell you how many times we heard from the staff that many children NEVER come to visit their parents in the homes, or they only come a few times a year at most. Parents are "rotting away" alone in the homes anyway--there's no guarantee that their kids will visit or care at all.

On top of that, nearly half of all the people I meet who have full grown children tell me that if they had it to do over again, they never would have had any children. A very nice woman I know says the world would be a much better place without her two adult children in it, they bring her nothing but sadness. And my cleaning woman has two adult children who do nothing but disappoint her; her son is a pot addict who spent time in a Tijuana jail and has been permanently deported from the US, he does nothing but smoke pot all day, he can barely bother to work. And her daughter just pumped out her first baby at age 20, she's unmarried and lives with the baby daddy who's a jerk, and just a few days ago her daughter was arrested for domestic violence during a fight with him. So my cleaning lady says childfree absolutely the way to go and she wishes she hadn't had her kids. I doubt these kids will bother too much with visiting when their moms are in nursing homes someday.

clairelyn: to WKYN I am so happy for you that you found us.
You will find this group to be very supportive.
And we all totally understand what your going through.

Quote:Even when I was just a little girl I never played with dolls like other kids. I always played with stuffed animals. So thru various problems with my reproductive system and not being sure if I can reproduce anyway, and the fact that I'm not a kid person , here I am.

I can so totally relate to this cause I was the same way.
I still have a collection of stuffed animals in my attic.
I was never a kid person. Kids get on my royal nerves.
But I LOVE cats & dogs.
And we have a great thread titles Critters.
If you care to share Pix of your 2 fur babies we would love to see them

ITA with Anastasia. There is no guarantee that just cause you have kids you will have company as you rot in a nursing home.
My mother died alone in a nursing home and she had me & my brother. Of course she treated us like dirt beneath her feet, which is why she died alone.
But that is neither here no there. The point is SHE had no business giving birth to us in the first place.
She had no parenting skills at all.
People can write a million books about what it takes to be a parent. But the bottom line is only YOU can know in your heart if you have the instincts to be a parent or not.
I knew very early that I had none.
It is sort of like how people know if they will be gay or not.
It just happens.
I guess there is a parental gene in our make-ups that all of us do not have. Which is why all of us here are CF to begin with.
Some scientist somewhere should do a study on the gene pool to
see if there is a gene that controls maternal or fraternal
instincts.
That would be fascinating to find out if I am right about this.
Anyway welcome again and btw I love your avatar. I just LOVE Tigers

Welcome to the board!

Jen M.

(06-14-2010 03:32 PM)clairelyn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm so glad this site is here. I was just reading a couple of peoples stories about being cf. It's nice to know that other people have the same feelings.

I dont think I ever really wanted kids. Even when I was just a little girl I never played with dolls like other kids. I always played with stuffed animals. So thru various problems with my reproductive system and not being sure if I can reproduce anyway, and the fact that I'm not a kid person , here I am.

I'm 49 years old. Just 3 years ago I got married. We have a delightful life. Just myself, my husband, dog and cat. I love it!!

I've had the same job for about 7 years and I meet a lot of new people, and there's always the same question. Do you have children? oh......you dont? NONE?????? Why dont you have any kids?

Why do people feel they can ask such personal questions. Someone the other day said to me "that's really sad. What's gonna happen to you when you get old? You'll be in a nursing home rotting away by yourself." I still cant believe she said that. Another thing that always gets me on mothers day people have said, "you're a mother , you have youre dog and cat". Anyway, they are not replacements for kids.

(I hope I havent ranted too much)

Claire

Hello Clairelyn I think its interesting that woman would make that remark to you about rotting in a nursing home. Sounds like thats the REAL reason why alot of people have children me thinks.

Welcome to the board Clairelyn!

I prefer saving up my money (well, I'm not too frugal, but I will have a good pension when I retire) rather than spending it on children so that I can afford a really nice retirement home when I eventually need it (which should be a long time from now, as children haven't hurt my body).

My grandmother obviously has children and grandchildren, and when she lost her driver's license a few years ago she worried about not being able to drive as her family visits her once or twice a week but not as often as she wanted (we take her to the grocery store but she plays bridge several times a week and has other regular appointments during work hours). It turns out that all her neighbours were tripping over themselves to help her out because she had been so nice to them over the years. It's a good example of what happens in life - if you are worried about who will take care of you in your old age then be nice to people, and they will be nice in return.

Very good philosophy, ZIggy. What goes around can easily come around, so make sure you do right.

Ziggy, I'm really glad your GM is surrounded by people who can and will help her out like that.

My parents live out in the sticks--I'm about 45 minutes away if there's light traffic, an hour or more if traffic's heavy. I'm grateful that they, too, have a good community up where they are. My dad is pretty active with his church (he's a KoC,) and my mom, while not a Catholic, is also a part of that community. They also have their neighbors keeping an eye out for them. I'm very happy about this.

What goes around really does come around. That's why--for all my cynicism and ranting--I try to be a good and kind person.

Jen M.