We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

To Breed or Not to Breed?
By Abigail Pesta

Yes, we live in a baby-obsessed nation. When do the tabloids not run craptastic cover stories on Octomom, Kate Gosselin, or Brangelina's brood? Then there's the tsunami of celeb-mom photos — Kate Hudson, Halle Berry, Gwen Stefani, toting their stylish tots like the latest It bag. It's enough to make a childless woman feel like an alien. "There's a stigma, especially if women are childless by choice instead of by circumstance," says Laura S. Scott, the 47-year-old married and kid-free author of the new book Two Is Enough. "Childlessness is perceived as being selfish, with a tragic outcome — you'll die alone with 10 cats." But sometimes having babies isn't all it's cracked up to be. We asked Scott — who talked to experts, parents, and 171 childless folk for her book — to bust myths about parenthood.

ALL WOMEN HAVE THE MATERNAL INSTINCT. "We think we'll get this burning urge," Scott says. "But many women never feel a desire to have kids, ever."

PARENTHOOD MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON. "Better than who? Oprah? Gandhi?"

PARENTING IS, BY DEFINITION, REWARDING. For many, yes. For all? No. Says Scott, "Dr. Phil surveyed 20,000 parents, and a third of them said that if they knew then what they know now, they probably wouldn't have started a family."

IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN THEY'RE YOURS. "If you don't like being around kids, you're unlikely to be more tolerant if they're yours — especially when they throw a fit at Walmart."

PARENTING IS THE PATH TO MATURITY. "Our parents were raised to think this, and society clings to the notion," says Scott. "But let's face it: Having kids doesn't guarantee mature behavior." Ever see a dad go berserk on a Little League ref?

A BABY WILL STRENGTHEN THE MARRIAGE. "Research shows that marital satisfaction goes way down — particularly for women — after the birth of the first child," she says. "It doesn't return to honeymoon levels till the kids leave home."

YOU'LL REGRET NOT HAVING KIDS. "Studies don't show any widespread regret among the childless by choice. A lot of thought goes into the decision," says Scott. And if you need a kid fix, you can always be a mentor.

KIDS OFFER SECURITY WHEN YOU'RE OLD. "Grown children are often hundreds of miles away," Scott notes. "To really guarantee your well-being, long-term health insurance is a better bet."

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/rela...-by-choice

I feel like I need a breeder bingo card here. My commentary in normal text thanks to the convenience of the all capital letters from the original article.

ALL WOMEN HAVE THE MATERNAL INSTINCT - Andrea Yates sure did when she drowned her kids.

PARENTHOOD MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON - I'm sure all the people abused as kids will agree.

PARENTING IS, BY DEFINITION, REWARDING - Which is why so many parents look miserable. Ever notice that men will often work overtime at the office? I don't think it's so much for the money as just for the chance to get the hell away from the kids.

IT'S DIFFERENT WHEN THEY'RE YOURS - This is incomprehensible to me.

PARENTING IS THE PATH TO MATURITY - Yes because teenagers who have a kid and suck on welfare for decades are so much more mature than people who actually contribute to society.

A BABY WILL STRENGTHEN THE MARRIAGE - The top two causes of divorce are finances and the raising of children.

YOU'LL REGRET NOT HAVING KIDS - Really. How many people regret having them? The one thing is that a CF person can fulfill their life in many ways. The person with a kid who turns out to be a stain on humanity can't take that back.

KIDS OFFER SECURITY WHEN YOU'RE OLD - I always love this argument. It's a personal anecdote and certainly not scientific but I think of my biological father. He has two children, myself obviously and a daughter who is a half-sister of mine since her mother was a different one than mine. Neither of us has spoken to him in years and in fact we both hate that fat sack of crap. I fully intend to go to his funeral just to make sure he is dead. He won't get anything from me in terms of assistance.

How can you die alone if you have ten cats?

(06-10-2010 01:23 AM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]How can you die alone if you have ten cats?

Yeah. Don't even get me started on the whole "alone with cats" thing. Who cares? What about peole who die with 10 dogs or hamsters or fish or horses?

Jen M.

I always hated the argument about how you are alone if you have pets but not kids. I've been around dogs and cats and found that they were a hell of a lot more consistently affectionate than people ever were. How many times do you see a child or teenager in a movie or television show yell "I hate you!" to their parents?

It's weird watching Animal Planet's shows on the SPCA cops where you have animals in horrible conditions and yet the dogs will wag their tail at the abuser. They abuse the dog and yet it wags its tail when it should be biting them.

People who have animals that are well cared for are definitely not alone.

Well said, Eddy.