We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

So I wasn't gonna post about this because I already called and talked my mother's ear off about it....but it's STILL bothering me.

I got an envelope in the mail yesterday with a RI address and a name I didn't know on it. I open it up and it's a baby shower invitation...for my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife). The invitation has a handwritten note that reads:
"Although you probably won't be able to attend, I thought you'd like to know about the shower. The baby, a girl, is due to arrive on July 15th. Judy"

Apparently this "Judy" person is my SIL's mother. I don't know her, I've never met her. For that matter, I've never even met MY BROTHER OR SISTER IN LAW THAT THIS SHOWER IS FOR!!!! They live over 1,000 miles away in RI, I live in KS.... This is obviously a shameless gift grab, and I am offended and pissed. Don't worry, it gets better.

There is a slip of paper inside, that lists all the registries my SIL is registered at, it also states:
Gift certificates, particularly to Target, are always welcome too! Books to start a library for the new baby are always welcome in place of a card!

Are you shitting me??? Now you're suggesting what I send? And you have taken away the option of sending simply a "congrats" card (which is all I was going to do in July) because you want me to send books??!!! F*** you!

What makes matters worse is they have no right having this baby shower in the first place! They already have a grown 17 y/o boy, a 7 y/o girl.... you mean to tell me you don't have enough kiddie books, and kiddie supplies, and baby stuff left over from the other girl? You're only supposed to have ONE shower, for the first kid, that's it...even my pregnant best friend agrees with me on this....and my BIL didn't WANT this baby.... my SIL tricked him into getting pregnant. So it's not a joyous occasion like people are making it out to be. He was done having kids and she stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell him. My BIL told my DH...

I AM FURIOUS. How dare they.... I'm starting to think my husband's entire family are a bunch of nutbags. When I spoke to him he agreed it was ridiculous, but suggested it was probably all my SIL's mother's idea....I told him it's not like she had a gun to her head, and obviously SOMEONE (ie: SIL and BIL) had to give her mother MY FREAKIN ADDRESS....

As a secondary rant:

My local friend is still insisting on bringing her kid everywhere...I asked her to go shoot pool with me at a bar, and she literally asked if kids were allowed. I give up on this woman....I am so fed up with people with kids....

Poor Pk I feel your pain. So in knowing that all that you said was true about this family and since your hubby is on board with you. In telling you that this was just some horseshit sent by the mother. Then, by all means continue with YOUR plan and just send a Congrats CARD ONLY.
I repeat do NOT send any kind of gift to this gift piggy.
I am sure she has loads of family close to her, to supply this moo with everything she will need.

And try not to let this bother you so much. People are idiots especially one's with children. They tend to use them as their personal scapegoats for their own idiotic behavior.
Come on really send an invite to someone living 1000 miles away?
What is the sense in that. None, only the reality of them hoping you will fall into their guilt trap and send them something.
And from their list no less.
I say Fuck em, and send that said card.
And make the card as generic as possible too.
You know one of them 99 cent specials, lol. That will teach them to mess with you, lol.

LOL T.W. we are on the same page.....because I was totally thinking the 99 cent card section for this one!!! hahahahahahaha There was no way she was EVER getting a gift, from the moment I opened it and got DH on my side.

Ugh - you've never even met them?! Huge breach of etiquette to mention gifts in an invitation, anyway. I'd throw it in the recycle bin. You can always send a $5 bib or onsie when the kid is hatched and wash your hands of all of it.

My DH has a large family, 7 siblings, 1 mom, 2 step-moms, 1 dad, 17 nieces and nephews. They are all spread around the country and it took nearly 10 years for me to finally meet them all--I *think* I've met them all now, not really sure. Anyway, if any of them had sent me a gift-grab card for a baby over the time when I still hadn't met them yet, I would have totally ignored it. The majority of his family are strangers to me, I don't even have all their names straight, there's no way I could be bothered to buy gifts for them, they're his family, not mine. On top of that he keeps referring to me as an "aunt" to 17 nieces and nephews. I don't think I'm really an aunt if I have no relationship whatsoever with any of them, I barely know three of them, and I never see them. I can't be an aunt if I'm a stranger, I'm just their uncle's wife.

I would 100% ignore it.
But I'm mean like that >:o)

Ignore it. Seriously, if you didn't even know who they were then why in the hell should you send them a gift? The tone of the letter "We know you probably can't attend...1000 miles away and all that" really gets me angered up. They are just hoping you'll buy them crap. Hell no!

ITA that they're being really transparent with their effort to solicit a gift. For a fraction of a second I almost thought it could have been a courtesy invite, but its obvious-they acknowledge there is no way you can make it, already have a bunch of kids and probably a ton of kid-related crap, so why give them even more?
They haven't even bothered to cultivate a personal relationship with you, so why should you bother sending a gift?

This reminds me of the baby gift grabs at places I worked. As soon as someone in the company announces her pregnancy, there's always someone who goes around from employee to employee asking for a donation towards a baby gift (usually a bunch of gifts). In some cases, I and other people have no clue who the pregnant woman is because she's in a different department in a different work area, but that doesn't matter to the person collecting the money. Just the fact that a woman is pregnant is enough reason to fork over money.

Just say " No".

Thanks guys Yeah..... these people have my phone number and everything, I've even sent the SIL update e-mails about my DH in Iraq...and I've never received one iota of correspondence until I receive a card demanding gifts. Talk about greedy!

Believe me, my mind is made up about SIL...especially after the way the kid was conceived....it speaks volumes about her character!!!

They'll be lucky if they get a card.....their actions aren't hardly worth my 44 cents. lol

(04-29-2010 11:02 PM)Dog Holliday Wrote: [ -> ]This reminds me of the baby gift grabs at places I worked.

Oh dear god, don't remind me. It was super annoying when it seemed like every damn week there was a gift grab because of this. It's one thing when it's a friend of yours but when it's somebody in a different department that you don't even know.

Not worth even thinking about, much less getting upset over. Don't give near-strangers and total fools that kind of power over you. Blow it off.

(04-30-2010 02:34 AM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]Not worth even thinking about, much less getting upset over. Don't give near-strangers and total fools that kind of power over you. Blow it off.

I think I must virtual hug you.... you always make me feel so much better about this kind of stuff.

And likewise, don't get me started about the workplace baby showers!!!!! In my 5 years at the electric cooperative I lost count how many I "had" to participate in. Most of the time I didn't mind because we were a small company and I knew the girls, but it makes for an awkward situation when someone gets pregnant who you're not acquaintances with in the company, and you're seemingly "forced" to donate gifts..... and if you don't you're pretty much shunned by the entire office (believe me, I didn't contribute to a co-workers card one year, I refused to put money in...and the backlash was ridiculous).

Hey, PK, I suffered so you don't have to! :-P

I told you, I learned all this good stuff at my OWN expense!

This is just insane! How could someone do this and feel okay about it? I wonder who else received those gift requests? Maybe she also sent them to old co-workers? old neighbours? Her hubby's ex girlfriends perhaps? and yea the way the baby was conceived...just let it and her go. You don't need to send a gift and if she's upset by it, maybe it will make her think a bit about it. This makes me so angry.

(04-29-2010 05:13 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]Ignore it. Seriously, if you didn't even know who they were then why in the hell should you send them a gift? The tone of the letter "We know you probably can't attend...1000 miles away and all that" really gets me angered up. They are just hoping you'll buy them crap. Hell no!

Hey that's got me thinking pk, it'd be really funny if you just showed up there 1000 miles away and all with NO GIFT - you are the gift