We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

I was directed to this blog post today from The Friendly Atheist blog's Facebook link. This isn't from Friendly Atheist, it's a different blogger known as Godless Girl

Why I’m Childfree

There are many people who believe that being childfree (or better yet, “childless by choice”) is a negative trait, especially for a woman. Because I have the body parts and natural cycles that evolution has given to human females, the assumption is that I would desire children and be willing to have them should I “find the right man” or “feel my clock ticking.”

Not having kids is also seen as something to pity. Others who have children know what it’s like to feel that intense love bond between family members and they enjoy raising up the next generation. That’s all puppies and rainbows if that’s what you choose for your life. Many people like myself do not want that for our futures, and we know it is our right to choose and not be pitied or accused of being selfish or ignorant.

I don’t want kids.

That’s the gist of it, folks. No deep answers from me or essays justifying my desires and my dreams. I don’t need to make excuses. I’m delighted with my choice to not have children! I’ll miss out on some great experiences parents have, but I’ll be an available friend or relative to support them. I’ll gain the benefits of being an adult without such a lifelong responsibility: I’ll have more money, more ability to be flexible and involved in my hobbies and goals, and I won’t lack love, friendship, or joy.

Check out more reasons why people choose a childfree lifestyle.
If You Have a Childfree Friend or Family Member

If you adore kids and want them in your life, I applaud you and thank you. That’s a wonderful life profession that takes serious work and commitment. I am so glad you are in our society. Please do a good job.

Since we disagree on this important issue, it might help you to know what sorts of words or arguments are commonly used that do not help childfree individuals feel loved, understood, nor supported.
Avoid these common phrases or arguments:

* You’re not a fulfilled woman without the experience of having children. [Not only would you sting the childless by choice with this arrogant and ignorant attitude, but also the infertile and single.]
* Even if you don’t want them now, you’ll want them later.
* When you meet the right guy, you’ll want to start a family with him because that’s the evidence of true love and unity.
* Having children and creating a family is the highest calling of a couple. It’s for the greater good.
* We’re biologically designed to reproduce; why fight it?
* It’s what God wants. [I recommend skipping the god-talk all together, especially with seculars like myself. Talk to us in our own language.]
* But you’d be a great parent! [Being a good person and able to take care of and love someone else does not mean they must procreate.]
* I was just like you before! [I'm sure you were childless and happy once. Good for you. We're happy to stay there and that's fine for us.]
* You just don’t understand. [This is so insulting.]

Above all things, do not belittle or invalidate a childfree person. It is a sign that you are not truly listening to what they have to say nor respecting how they feel.
Why Are Childfree People Mean?

We’re not!

Okay, some people are douchebags, but you can find those anywhere.

Here’s a video of typical responses from mothers about being childfree by choice. These ladies are mostly arguing against the angry, bitter population of childfree choicers on the internet, and hot damn, they are not kidding. I’ve read the thoughts, rants, and views of the “militants”, and they offend and annoy me too!

I consider myself a moderate person who supports everyone’s right to choose and encourages families to succeed and children to grow up happy and well. I don’t hate children or think parents are evil. These are extremes. Let’s not go to extremes. There is no need to be nasty and unkind to parents because you do not have something in common with them.
Kids in My Future

Am I always going to be childless by choice? I don’t know. Just like I’m open to new evidence for deities and other mysteries, I am also open to changing my mind about having children. It is a tiny opening, but I’m willing to re-consider my opinions. I don’t foresee a change happening soon (or ever), nor think that my currently non-existent maternal instinct will suddenly kick in when I meet a certain man or turn 35.

This admission of a possibility does not mean I secretly want kids or that I’m just spending a few years having fun before I “settle down”. It means I am not bull-headed enough to say “never”.
To My Fellow Childfree Friends

If you also feel pressured by family, friends, or culture to do things just because of preconceived notions of “how it’s done”–guess what!–You’re not alone!

If your mother wants grandchildren, that’s her issue, not yours. If your best friend has three kids and can’t stop talking about how they’re the best thing to ever happen to her, be glad for her but also share and relish what is joyous and fulfilling in your life. Embrace your freedom and your personal decisions. Follow your dreams, and don’t be trapped by society’s expectations.

This kind of explains why we have limited contact with the sprogged: they aren't listening to a word we say, and we have nothing in common. After you tell them a few times and they don't shut up, you write them off.

OKAY...in that "momversation" video, the woman with the curly hair talking about "the first experience I ever had with kids was when I changed my newborn's diaper in the hospital" and "I wanted to be childfree, I used to be just like them" is the exact freaking person that gives the child-free community a bad name...and makes everyone think we're all going to chang eour minds...and that we're all just a bunch of immature, angry, inexperienced idiots.... *screams*

ETA: And what the hell, she says "for so long I decided against this life (parenting)" SHE SAYS SHE GOT MARRIED AT 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HAD HER BABY 7 MONTHS LATER!!!!! WTF!!!

FURTHERMORE: What kills me, is the one woman is saying that the child-free have a sense of entitlement simply because we ask for peace and quiet in public places....just goes to show you that mommies really do loves 7% of their brains through pregnancy....I think these chicks are just bitter because they want the peace and quiet but have no right to demand it because they're creating it...hahahaha.

OK - one thing that continues to piss me off is parents seem to think that all childfree people "sleep in late and party all weekend long". Um, no.

The one woman said she did all that and it was great and she had fun but then she became a mother and all that changed.

NO! I think all that changes as we get older and we mature. Just because I don't have kids does not mean I'm out partying till all hours of the night and then sleep till noon. NO. I've outgrown that behaviour - it's called being an adult - not a parent.

I sleep till noon. But then, I work until 4 AM. When you're CF, you can arrange your life to match your biorhythms.

There's a pretty good chance the sprogged see everything we CFers do as "play" simply because we can choose what to do and when to do it, and they can't.

(04-30-2010 01:52 PM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]There's a pretty good chance the sprogged see everything we CFers do as "play" simply because we can choose what to do and when to do it, and they can't.

Yep. And most of them are jealous.

(04-30-2010 02:17 PM)NKBurlington Wrote: [ -> ]

(04-30-2010 01:52 PM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]There's a pretty good chance the sprogged see everything we CFers do as "play" simply because we can choose what to do and when to do it, and they can't.

Yep. And most of them are jealous.

And they can never admit it because that would reveal all their carrying on about the joys of parenthood as the big fat lie that it is.

Quote:Many people like myself do not want that for our futures, and we know it is our right to choose and not be pitied or accused of being selfish or ignorant.

Problem is they do just that. Accuse us CF'ers of being selfish & ignorant and that is my beef with the Moos of the world.
I have accepted the FACT that YES, I am selfish and if that is the worst thing in the world one can be, then so be it.
But I take exception to being called Ignorant.
I know what I wanted for my life, that does NOT make me Ignorant. Everyone is entitled to their own choices in life.
I chose not to give birth. That is my business and no one else's
But it does not make me ignorant, on the contrary
I feel I made the smartest choice for my life! But of course that is
IMHO.

I enjoyed this article very much it validated all of my feelings and desires to stay CF. And I too sleep till noon, and stay up late.
I don't see that it is anybody's business how I sleep or when.
And ITA with many of you. They are just Green eyed jealous that we CF'ers have more money, more time, and more sleep then they do raising rug rats. But it was their choice to make, not ours. So, the old expression of "You made your bed now lay in it"
comes back to bite the sprogs in their butts.

I approve of this thread.

I really wish people would stop saying they're just like us and used to be CF and changed their minds. If you think you might want kids, just say its not the right time now, and stop ruining it for the rest of us.