We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

I don't think it's a real bingo because she isn't trying to encourage you to have kids. If anything, she's reinforcing your stance.

However, it is distressing. Does she often make such comments to you? It sounds like she has a lot of anger and resentment built up.

Can you be flip, and turn her words back on her? When she says things about how she had kids and couldn't afford X, tell her "Yup, that's why I decided to be CF" or the like.

FuzzBunny Wrote:I don't think it's a real bingo because she isn't trying to encourage you to have kids. If anything, she's reinforcing your stance.

However, it is distressing. Does she often make such comments to you? It sounds like she has a lot of anger and resentment built up.

Can you be flip, and turn her words back on her? When she says things about how she had kids and couldn't afford X, tell her "Yup, that's why I decided to be CF" or the like.

Yeah she does make comments like that. She has major anger issues and hates her life, hates her husband(our dad), and hates that she can't leave him. No money, no place to live. That sort of thing. I just rather ignore her statements cause I am afraid I will say something not nice. She always goes on and on about all the bad things that happened to her when she was a kid. Maybe I am insensitive but for crying out loud they happened 50yrs ago. Get over it.

dachshundsrule70 Wrote:

FuzzBunny Wrote:I don't think it's a real bingo because she isn't trying to encourage you to have kids. If anything, she's reinforcing your stance.

However, it is distressing. Does she often make such comments to you? It sounds like she has a lot of anger and resentment built up.

Can you be flip, and turn her words back on her? When she says things about how she had kids and couldn't afford X, tell her "Yup, that's why I decided to be CF" or the like.

Yeah she does make comments like that. She has major anger issues and hates her life, hates her husband(our dad), and hates that she can't leave him. No money, no place to live. That sort of thing. I just rather ignore her statements cause I am afraid I will say something not nice. She always goes on and on about all the bad things that happened to her when she was a kid. Maybe I am insensitive but for crying out loud they happened 50yrs ago. Get over it.

You have every right to feel the way you do dachshundsrule70
YOU did NOT ASK to be Born.
That was your mothers choice.
And if she is unhappy with her choices in life then that is HER problem
Not yours.
Although I have to admit I am puzzeled over this "Bingo" term.
I always thought Bingo was what you said when you won at the game with the same name.
Or at the very least name a dog Bingo.
But Bingo in this reference?? I am totally confused.

But anyway not to get O.T
I totally understand where you are coming from. And for you to "flip it" on her will only get her even more green. Cause of her unhappiness over her own choices.

I too, always had to hide my vacations and spending habits from my mother because she was always so jealous of my lifestyle.
My mothers choice was to hoard her $ in a bank.
Don't ask me why, I have no clue. But I recall growing up with a limited child hood and there was never any $ for toys, books, or hobbies.
Of course not cause it all had to sit in the bank.

But anyway, it was always my choice to live C.F And I have no regrets about it.
It was Her & My fathers choice to give life to me and my older brother and
I had no say in that whatsover.
Tragic that it was that my father died when I was 2yrs old.
My mother then made other choices in her life of never to remarry or provide us with a father figure.
Her choice! Not ours.
Its any wonder the two of us ( brother & I) are so screwed up.
Trust me the kind of life I have now, I would be better off dead.

But anyway, I am not shedding any tears or jumping on any guilt trains for the choices my mother made.

And neither should YOU

I guess I used the wrong term? My brain gets befuddled a lot so sorry if I confused anyone.

Truckerswife my mom is the same way. I hate not being able to share things that you should share with a mother but oh well life goes on.

TW, there are several variations, for different circumstances. At some companies, several co-workers will get together to play "meeting bingo", where instead of numbers, you put cliches, like "at the end of the day", "paradigm shift", "think outside the box", and so on in the squares. As the speaker says the cliches, you check off the squares on your board. The first co-worker to get 5 in a row gets the "Bingo".

Us CFers have Breeder Bingo, a bunch of cliches that breeders use, "Some day you'll change your mind", "But it's different when they're your own", "Who'll provide for you when you get old?" Here's a lovely example from 7deadlysinners.typepad.com:



If it doesn't show up, go here.

In any case, the larger CF community uses the term "bingoed" to refer to having a breeder or breeder wannabe using such cliches in an attempt to convert us to their side.

I wouldn't call that a bingo, but like with everything in life it is what you make of it.

It sounds like your mom is jealous and/or has some serious resentment about having kids, raising kids, or staying with your dad. In any case that isn't your burden and if she tells you anything you're not comfortable with tell her that- she needs to talk to friends or a counselor or someone or she is going to be angry and resentful the rest of her life.

My mother is very similar. Whenever I say something she says crap like " I remember when a date night for us was getting a .50 cent ice cream cone!" Good for you- what does that have to do with me now? and it's not just anecdotal either, it's every comment or conversation has some sort of weird resentment/anger issue with it. She hasn't come right out and said it's not fair that I'm not having children (like she did) but she's all BUT said it. KWIM?

~

Kirby pretty much said what I was going to say:

Quote:It sounds like your mom is jealous and/or has some serious resentment about having kids, raising kids, or staying with your dad. In any case that isn't your burden and if she tells you anything you're not comfortable with tell her that- she needs to talk to friends or a counselor or someone or she is going to be angry and resentful the rest of her life.

My mother was totally jealous of me and my life, I think she resented having me and I know for sure she regretted having married her husband (my father, who left when I was 2) and she hated her life and wanted to die most of the time.

So, of course, instead of seeing some kind of therapist, she took all her shit out on me and made me feel guilty whenever I had fun or went out with friends or if a boyfriend gave me a gift. My very first boyfriend gave me flowers one day because I had once told him I really liked flowers, and she hit the roof because he didn't give her flowers, too, and because she didn't have a boyfriend. She turned my happiness at seeing the flowers into guilt and fear, her mission accomplished--that mission being to make her daughter's life a goddamned nightmare whenever the opportunity arose.

Your mom telling you about the condom thing is pretty inappropriate, especially if you don't feel comfortable hearing things like that from her. You should tell her that, flat out and honestly.

She sounds like she's trying to pull you down with her so her misery can have some company.I hate it when parents fuck with their kids' heads, I have zero tolerance for that shit because of what I went through.

Flowers? I will do you one better.
My mother tried to steal one of my boyfriends.
She was sooooooo pee green jealous that I had a man that was
a real hunk dating me and wanting to take me to FL.
That she did everything possible to screw it up for me by making me
doubt my own self worth. And she had the nerve to flirt with him in front of me no less.
Michael ( that was my previous finacee at the time) blew her off.
But then who knows what crap he told his own mother when we eventually got to FL.
Its all a blurr for me now, seeing it was decades ago.
But I will NEVER forget how she reacted to me being with Micahel.
Cause at the time he was such a hunk!

As for my own DH, she is not that jealous of. Cause he is overweight.
And of course that is the ultimiate SIN in her eyes.

Fuzzbunny: Thanks for the Bingo lesson.
That was cool.
YEP heard it all before in spades over my lifetime.
None of it effected me at all.
I could care less. I had to stop the violent cycle. I felt it was not only my rights as a women, but my duty to society as well.

I don't know where to begin except to say that I can relate with the posters on here have said about their parents.

My parents are gone now. In the last few years before they passed away, I visited them once a year. I had a good time doing it. I remembered one time (and there were many other times of this, as well) I told them I never wanted to have kids. They would snicker at that. I don't know why. They would say "I'd change my mind".

I found out, only just a few years ago, that my parents never wanted to have kids. I was told we were "unplanned", or should I say, "accidents". I was also told that my parents never liked kids. That was no surprise to me. It seemed like when I was a kid, my parents never wanted my friends to come in the house. I also remembered hearing my father say, "when you have kids, they ruin your life."

Also, they felt very threatened by any girl that was interested in me. There was one girlfriend I had that I truly loved, and they really felt threatened by her. I guess they never wanted me to succeed with a woman for some reason. I guess they didn't have a good marriage, though I thought that they did. It's surprising how much dirty laundry can be dug up after the parents pass away.

Quote:Also, they felt very threatened by any girl that was interested in me. There was one girlfriend I had that I truly loved, and they really felt threatened by her. I guess they never wanted me to succeed with a woman for some reason. I guess they didn't have a good marriage, though I thought that they did. It's surprising how much dirty laundry can be dug up after the parents pass away.

tommy
I KNOW that feeling.
Only vice versa sex wise of course. My mother always told me
I would NEVER get married. That I was too fat & ugly and that no man would have me.
Well 22½ years later and still very happily married. I guess I PROVED
the bitch wrong.
And I know she is green about it. And I am loving it.
You know the old saying? "payback is a bitch" well I need not say more.

But for you Tommy I am sorry your parents are gone. But in a way
if you were not close to them. You should not let the dirty laundry
surface from the grave sort of speak.
What you need to do is to BURY all of it.
Laundry and all.
And TRY to FREE yourself!! FREE your MIND BODY & SOUL
Trust me that is my intent the day my mother passes on.
It is an impowering event in your life to free your spirit of the
negative vibes our parents thrust on us abused ( verbal or phsycial)
kids.
And yes, I know we are no longer kids.
But the abuse (at least for me & imho of course) never dies.
That is why I had to take matters into my own hands and MURDER
the abusive Cycle of the "STEIN" legacy
No breeding here!

ITA that your mom sounds bitter and jealous with that comment.
So you are supposed to run around with bad teeth and jaw pain just because she can't afford dental work? Will that somehow make her feel better or fix her own teeth? I don't get people like that.