I have no issue with the fact that his wife is recently deceased. Based on what we have been told he is clearly a creep, irrelevant of his previous relationship.
"My phone now rings more in a week than it ever has in a month. Calls every day. Requests to go out all the time. And far too many liberties. ... Forced kisses... I just feel really uncomfortable with this quick intimacy ... The talk right away that he could not cook nor clean should have tipped me off. He is looking to replace #1 with #2 and PDQ. Already he has mentioned moving in together. ... I do not know him anywhere near well enough to even be discussing this!"
Be distant from him the next time you see him, and don't answer your phone. Come up with any excuse - you're thinking of becoming a nun, or you have a nasty long-lasting infectious disease that you don't want to share - to avoid him.
Best of luck.
(03-17-2010 01:40 PM)Ziggy Wrote: [ -> ]Come up with any excuse - you have a nasty long-lasting infectious disease that you don't want to share - to avoid him.
Speaking from personal experience, this doesn't necessarily scare people off!
I'm thinking the honest approach of 'I am just not attracted to you' is going to be best. The more I hear from other sources, the more I just want to quietly back away from the entire situation and go back into my hidey-hole (aka: trailer) and pet my cat!
^Honestly is usually the best approach. Though with some men even bluntness isn't blunt enough.
(03-17-2010 10:25 AM)catsnotkids Wrote: [ -> ] (03-12-2010 11:14 PM)Lulu Belle Wrote: [ -> ]What kind of person flirts with someone when their spouse is dying?
I'm not defending this guy but when a spouse is dying people go through a whole lot. I wouldn't sit in judgment on how people behave at that time. So what if someone flirts? Maybe it's the only moment of light in what is probably a pretty grim situation that can drag on for years.
Earlier in this thread someone was mentioned who had an affair as his wife suffered from cancer for 10 years.
Imagine how we feel when our pets are sick. Then magnify that by several times, add in serious financial distress, worries about how you're going to take enough time off from your job to care for the person, performing pretty ghastly nursing duties, etc. and there's maybe some very small sense of what it's like to care for a dying person.
Several people on this board have told me that they could never do Hospice. Caring for a loved one who is dying is way worse than Hospice and it's 24/7 not a couple of hours a week.
It bothers me to think about harshly judging someone who is caring for a loved one who is dying. Until each of us goes through that we'll never know what it's really like.
While I agree that there can be a lot of extenuating circumstances, I think that most of what you've said is a lot of "maybes" to put into a person. I think we've all dealt with death and illness of loved ones at some point or another, but this man seems from what ozarkmoon has said...to have been trying to replace his wife for some time. I just can't see any extenuating circumstances as making those actions excusable. Anyway, I suppose agree to differ, because I can't agree with any possible justifications for flirting while someone you made vows to is suffering. Sure, the spouse is suffering as well...but there are times when you just have to cope with some respect for the person you are with. As the old saying goes...sorry if this is crude but "How could you? _______ isn't even cold!" It just rubs me the wrong way, the idea of someone doing that. I can see though how you're trying to see it from his perspective but somehow I just can't.
And the saga continues....
He backed off for close to a month and I was busy with all 3 jobs and training and classes. Then he is baacckk... Apologizing for being distant and not calling (never realizing it was a relief to me!) because 'May is a bad month'. I call bullshit! He was in the store Sunday and took a cell phone call and went outside to finish it. Hmm. Interesting. Then came back in and said it was a woman he had met on the internet.
Excuse me? WTF did you just say? I just held my tongue and let him continue digging. No clue when - pre/post wife's death, or pre/post declaring we should move in together - he made connections on the internet with women, but that is it. While I thought maybe he was greiving and taking time to think, he is off whoring around with goddess only knows who. There have been 3 trips out of town in the last 2 months - supposedly to visit 'family'. Nope, I know what he was doing.
He thinks he is being good, 'I didn't have to tell you about this'. Nope, and you still don't because I don't want to hear it! Buy your f'ing smokes and get the hell out of the store! I warned the manager I was going to tell him just that next time he came in and started trying to chat me up, as she came in shortly after that.
Geez, what a piece of work. Buh-BYE, loser.