02-24-2010, 02:15 PM
I remember being a kid and there was a TV show on. It was biblical or biblical type times I don't know. I was young. I guess these people were wandering the desert or escaping from something. They didn't have much. All I remember is this woman shrieking about "But we can't feed the baby soap!" And me, being a CHILD said ha ha, I hope you have to feed the baby soap.
The thought of pregnancy grossed me out. I'd seen a photo when I was in elementary school, it was pretty awful. I baby-sat when I was 13 and hated every minute of it. Growing up, having kids seemed to turn you into a boring, fat, frumpy woman with no life or time of your own. I was sheltered and stuck in a small town; I wondered what was out there. TV showed me places I longed for yet thought I could never go. In my town, you don't leave, and you are taught that life isn't for you.
As I got a bit older, I would be exposed to kids a bit more. A friend went to the bathroom and her toddler screamed and cried so bad. I thought how the hell can she stand not even being allowed to go to the bathroom. It seemed people with kids had no money, no freedom, and were like... low class and low income. They never had a life. They were chained to a horrible job, their marriages sucked, they were never happy. They were stuck.
Sometimes people would say a phrase that would creep me out. I doubt this makes sense... but one lady I worked with was pregnant and kind of in a bad mood. Another woman says, "It's pregnancy blues, hormones-a-ragin'!" it just seemed so depressing to me. Being pregnant seemed horrible and made me feel like if it were me it would change who I was or make me less of a person or it would make me gross. I dunno.
All it took was a line or 2 from others to reiterate what I felt. One that has stuck with me for years: A friend of mine said, "I just hate to give up my goals, hopes, and dreams to stay home and diaper babies". Exactly. That really hit the nail on the head for me. Sure I knew I wasn't cut out to be a mom, but this was a time in my life that the choice meant something and I realized it WAS a choice. Not just ew babies from a teenager.
So I don't remember a time I ever wanted kids. I got married and DH said he wanted some... I never thought of my future, was a total day to day person and never thought of anything, so I didnt think much of it. I began to worry about it, then he told me he didn't want any. What a relief that was. I hope he does NOT change it back. It's been a good 5 years at least since he said that. I'm not getting any younger and with some health problems I think I'm in the clear.
The thought of pregnancy grossed me out. I'd seen a photo when I was in elementary school, it was pretty awful. I baby-sat when I was 13 and hated every minute of it. Growing up, having kids seemed to turn you into a boring, fat, frumpy woman with no life or time of your own. I was sheltered and stuck in a small town; I wondered what was out there. TV showed me places I longed for yet thought I could never go. In my town, you don't leave, and you are taught that life isn't for you.
As I got a bit older, I would be exposed to kids a bit more. A friend went to the bathroom and her toddler screamed and cried so bad. I thought how the hell can she stand not even being allowed to go to the bathroom. It seemed people with kids had no money, no freedom, and were like... low class and low income. They never had a life. They were chained to a horrible job, their marriages sucked, they were never happy. They were stuck.
Sometimes people would say a phrase that would creep me out. I doubt this makes sense... but one lady I worked with was pregnant and kind of in a bad mood. Another woman says, "It's pregnancy blues, hormones-a-ragin'!" it just seemed so depressing to me. Being pregnant seemed horrible and made me feel like if it were me it would change who I was or make me less of a person or it would make me gross. I dunno.
All it took was a line or 2 from others to reiterate what I felt. One that has stuck with me for years: A friend of mine said, "I just hate to give up my goals, hopes, and dreams to stay home and diaper babies". Exactly. That really hit the nail on the head for me. Sure I knew I wasn't cut out to be a mom, but this was a time in my life that the choice meant something and I realized it WAS a choice. Not just ew babies from a teenager.
So I don't remember a time I ever wanted kids. I got married and DH said he wanted some... I never thought of my future, was a total day to day person and never thought of anything, so I didnt think much of it. I began to worry about it, then he told me he didn't want any. What a relief that was. I hope he does NOT change it back. It's been a good 5 years at least since he said that. I'm not getting any younger and with some health problems I think I'm in the clear.
