02-23-2010, 06:20 PM
When I was a kid--up until the time I was 13--I lived in an extended family situation. My mom and I (she had divorced my bio-father when I was really, really little) lived with my grandparents. My aunt and uncle didn't live with us, but that part of the family was always there. I grew up with the eldest of my cousins by this aunt and uncle as my siblings.
I have always thought my aunt was a beautiful woman. She used to be so artistic and creative. I think in her younger life she was a lot like me--kind of rebellious, really into art. During the time I was growing up, she of course, had the younger of my 2 cousins from that part of the family. I had seen her through the pregnancy of cousin #2 of 4 and then grown up with him and his big brother, and then she had cousin #3 and then #4. (I never had much of a relationship with either of them.) Whenever she was pregnant or was taking care of a baby, I was around, and I'd help her out a little bit and just observe. (I really admired her back then.)
One day when I was about 8, I was just watching her. She was pregnant--probably month 6 or 7--and was just standing in the TV room, doing something or another. At the time, I could not have articulated what I was feeling, but I think what happened was I thought about her, about her body and how pretty she was, about how bogged down she was with child care duties now (don't get me started on my uncle. I have never liked him!) and how it seemed like this was her whole life. Somehow, it occurred to me that having children really was a trap for women, and in that very moment, I decided that I would never have children. Again: I was EIGHT. These thought patterns are way beyond an 8-year-old level, so I was not fully aware of my train of thought. Hard to explain. I just knew, at that moment, that I would never have kids.
It comes down to a few things for me, I think: vanity--I remember thinking, even at 8, that I did not want to distort my body like that, and I've always thought the whole idea of pregnancy was really disgusting. Not scary--just gross; politics--how I was able to tap into radical feminist thought at the age of 8 ("pregnancy an child-rearing is a trap for women,") I don't know, but I do remember thinking that; and the fact that I don't really like children. I CARE about child welfare, and I think kids, being innocents, for the most part, deserve to be loved and looked after until they can look after themselves, but I don't enjoy being around children, and children don't really interest me. I don't think they are cute, and I think babies are obnoxious and gross. Even when I WAS a kid, I never had many friends. I was always kind of a weird kid and a bit of a loner (not by choice.)
As an adult, the closest I ever came to changing my mind--I really never did, to be honest--was when I was with my ex, Brian. We thought we would get married one day, and even though neither of us really WANTED kids, we both had the attitude that "if it happens, it happens, and we will deal with it then." I have never wavered in my desire to not have children, really.
I'm not worried about who will take care of me when I'm old, etc. etc. blah blah blah. I am doing all I can to make sure I can care for myself when the time comes. I like adults. I like animals. I enjoy living a life that does not include or involve children. I feel my life is pretty full and exciting. It's not the life I had PLANNED on living, but really: How often does one's life turn out as they planned it?
I'm really pretty happy with who I am and where I am. I've had some rough spots in life, but I'm incredibly strong. I'm happy with my life.
Jen M.
Maryland
I have always thought my aunt was a beautiful woman. She used to be so artistic and creative. I think in her younger life she was a lot like me--kind of rebellious, really into art. During the time I was growing up, she of course, had the younger of my 2 cousins from that part of the family. I had seen her through the pregnancy of cousin #2 of 4 and then grown up with him and his big brother, and then she had cousin #3 and then #4. (I never had much of a relationship with either of them.) Whenever she was pregnant or was taking care of a baby, I was around, and I'd help her out a little bit and just observe. (I really admired her back then.)
One day when I was about 8, I was just watching her. She was pregnant--probably month 6 or 7--and was just standing in the TV room, doing something or another. At the time, I could not have articulated what I was feeling, but I think what happened was I thought about her, about her body and how pretty she was, about how bogged down she was with child care duties now (don't get me started on my uncle. I have never liked him!) and how it seemed like this was her whole life. Somehow, it occurred to me that having children really was a trap for women, and in that very moment, I decided that I would never have children. Again: I was EIGHT. These thought patterns are way beyond an 8-year-old level, so I was not fully aware of my train of thought. Hard to explain. I just knew, at that moment, that I would never have kids.
It comes down to a few things for me, I think: vanity--I remember thinking, even at 8, that I did not want to distort my body like that, and I've always thought the whole idea of pregnancy was really disgusting. Not scary--just gross; politics--how I was able to tap into radical feminist thought at the age of 8 ("pregnancy an child-rearing is a trap for women,") I don't know, but I do remember thinking that; and the fact that I don't really like children. I CARE about child welfare, and I think kids, being innocents, for the most part, deserve to be loved and looked after until they can look after themselves, but I don't enjoy being around children, and children don't really interest me. I don't think they are cute, and I think babies are obnoxious and gross. Even when I WAS a kid, I never had many friends. I was always kind of a weird kid and a bit of a loner (not by choice.)
As an adult, the closest I ever came to changing my mind--I really never did, to be honest--was when I was with my ex, Brian. We thought we would get married one day, and even though neither of us really WANTED kids, we both had the attitude that "if it happens, it happens, and we will deal with it then." I have never wavered in my desire to not have children, really.
I'm not worried about who will take care of me when I'm old, etc. etc. blah blah blah. I am doing all I can to make sure I can care for myself when the time comes. I like adults. I like animals. I enjoy living a life that does not include or involve children. I feel my life is pretty full and exciting. It's not the life I had PLANNED on living, but really: How often does one's life turn out as they planned it?
I'm really pretty happy with who I am and where I am. I've had some rough spots in life, but I'm incredibly strong. I'm happy with my life.
Jen M.
Maryland
