Sometime back there was a thread regarding baby names and names people give their names and some of us have shared with each other our real names and have mentioned whether we loved or hated our names.
I have made have mentioned that I absolutely despised my name.
And I always mentioned to my husband that the day my mother passed, that I would have it legally changed.
Well she is gone now, and of course it is on me to fulfill that promise or let my husband think that I am nothing but all lip service and no guts.
The problem is that the name I wanted to change it to was just recently taken by my new great niece "Samantha"
That was the name I wanted for ME!
But, now that there is already a family member named that.
If I was to be so bold as to change my name in-laws will think I am being a copy cat.
So, my second choice is to be named
Christina.
I think this way at least I won't have to change my initials.
And I happen to like the name.
Plus there is no way anyone can mispronounce it. Misspell it, Yes,
but never mispronounce it.
Not unless one is a raving idiot, lol.
But my question is
At age 55 is it too late to change ones first name and gain any acceptance with it?
Or should I just resign myself to the hell of living with the name of
Celia for the rest of my life and having everyone and their uncle still call me CeCelia grrrrrrr
And NO I do not want to change it to CeCelia cause I HATE both names.(My apologies to anyone here who may share that name with me.)
Also, I don't want the love of my life to think any less of me for reneging on something I always said I would do.
The reason I would not do it while my mother was alive was I did not want to hear any flack from her, or her son.
But since by the time all of the legalities of my name change go through for good. I am sure I will have nothing more do with my brother for the rest of my life anyway. So if he can't accept it TS for him.
I just wonder how my In-laws will take it? I know my MIL might have a hard time with it. But I wonder how the rest of the family will feel?
Plus I needed your feedback as well.
So before I really do it. I just wanted to know what you all thought of a 55 year old coot like me
wanting to legally change my first name.
Yes I know it will be a huge PITA paperwork wise.
But I think in the end my self esteem will take a huge rocket ride to the sky, which is long overdue.
I personally wouldn't, but that's me. It would be so confusing and I'd have to redo tons of IDs and the military system is a pain as it is. I'm going on a trip soon, no time to change the passport. I can't imagine being called anything else. It wouldn't feel like me.
But, that is just me. If you need this to be happy, then do what you gotta do.
Yes, the biggest pain is changing everything -- Social Security card, driver's license, credit cards, etc. But name changes are cheap enough to get -- I think I changed mine (last name -- didn't get it changed back to my maiden name after the divorce) for about $150 in the 1980s in Florida.
Only you can decide how your friends and family will react, and how often you'll have to remind them. Then there will always be holdouts, who feel they should call you Celia no matter what YOU want to be called!
If it's something you really want to do then do it, but ask yourself- what would it really change? People will always refer to you by your current name and even when they don't- does it really matter? What is it you hate so much about your name?
Other than a brief moment as a kid I've never wanted to change my name. I love it. I love that I don't have one of the common names of every other girl my age, and though the name has it's drawbacks, all of them do- so I personally wouldn't change my first name now or later.
FWIW I think you have a lovely name. My cousin named her daughter Cecilia and calls her Celia and I think it's very pretty.
I think you should do it. If I ever became single again, I would go back to my maiden name. However, I hate my middle name, and would consider changing it. My middle name is my favorite aunt's middle name, and even though I love her to death - I HATE it. So, I totally understand, and think you should be happy with your name.
I have been meaning to change my name legally to "Jo" for a long time, but it's a pain in the butt. All the ID, all the expense of getting new stuff. I'm lucky in that the vast majority of people always call me Jo, but whenever someone even catches a WHIFF that my name is something other than Jo, they start calling me by the longer form of my name. It makes me CRAZY. SERIOUSLY CRAZY. What part of "my name is Jo" didn't you get? The part where you thought I said "Jill" or "Joy" or "Jew" or some other thing that your ears heard because you can't comprehend a woman with the name Jo??
GRRR..
It happened today, again. I'm apartment hunting, and I found my dream apartment. I called the landlord to tell him I'm going to take it, and yesterday when we met, I accidentally told him the long form of my name (because he asked) but said very very clearly that I go by Jo and I prefer to be called Jo.
Ten seconds later he was calling me Joanne. Then his son called me today and asked to speak to Joanne. And so it begins.
I'd change it if I were you. And I'd change it to Samantha if I were you. Fuck the neice. She doesn't own the name.
Go for it, if you want it. I'd suggest that you tell everyone that you've done it (perhaps by sending postcards or notes announcing it?) but that you don't mind if they call you Celia. Don't expect them to start calling you by a different name, but tell them that you appreciate it when they do. Or, is there another name that is similar to Celia that you prefer? It might be easier for people (and easier for you, if someone's yelling your name in a crowd) to adjust to a new name if it isn't completely different. Christina is on the right track (starts and ends with the same letter) and might be a good choice for that reason. Sarah also sounds similar, as does Sabrina, Sandra, Sasha, Sheila, Sonia, Stella... you get the idea.
(02-05-2010 09:57 PM)Jo Wrote: [ -> ]Ten seconds later he was calling me Joanne. Then his son called me today and asked to speak to Joanne.
Hey now - there is nothing wrong with that name!
TW - it boils down to what you would like and would answer to after being called something else for all these years. If you want to , do it.
Honestly, it's a pain if you decide to go through the whole legal route, but you can go by an alias in the US as long as it isn't for nefarious purposes. In other words if you want to be Christina then just unilaterally do for all intents and purposes other than legal documentation. You can even get around that restriction by signing as Celia "Christina" Lastname because you are indeed using your official name. The quotation marks indicate your preferred name if the reader has any sense.
I say "do it" because I did it. You send out/make announcements, you give people a little time, you correct them gently, and then you stop responding to the old one. It's YOUR name. You get to choose what you want to be called.
Quite a few people, most notably my mother, didn't like my name change. But they eventually got used to it. Don't make it a matter for discussion. In fact, if it's easier, tell people after the legal paperwork is done. Never, ever argue about it. Tell them it's done, and change the subject.
For the record I think Celia is very pretty, and I can't imagine why you'd want to change it to a plain old boring name. But it's your choice and your life and you should do what you want and don't spend any time worrying about other people's reactions. You only get to live once, do what you want.
I was born with an ugly first name and an ugly last name. When I was 18, my mother legally changed back to her maiden name and I legally changed to her maiden name with her. I had zero contact with my father, so it made no sense to be stuck with his ugly ass last name that no one could spell or pronounce. I was only 18, so there wasn't too much paperwork to be done then, I remember it as painless, but that was a long time ago!
Several years ago, I sort of unofficially changed my first name, too. I had a Ukrainian boyfriend who also thought my first name was ugly (I agree) and so he started calling me Anastasia and I liked it. There's one major reason I haven't changed it legally, and that's the paperwork horror that the military would turn it into. They get nothing right anyway, so why make it even harder for them? When I show up for docs appointments, I give them my ID number and they call me "Sheryl." Who the hell is that? It's not me, and yet they have me in their system as that name no matter how many times I tell them it's wrong and they do change it, it keeps coming up. They also have me as my husband's child dependent instead of his spouse dependent. If they can't get these fundamentals right, what nightmare lay ahead if I change my first name legally? I can imagine it now, if DH dies before me, I won't get the spouse's benefits because my name won't match on some computer somewhere. Ugh. They suck.
Anyway, it's been easy for me to just adopt the new first name because we move so much and I'm always meeting new people and making new friends. At this point, the only people who know me by my old first name are people who knew me from before 10 years ago, and many of them have totally accepted my new name with no issues at all. Even my aunt has recently started calling me Anastasia, and I never even asked her to, it was my husband who mentioned it to her. I don't have parents or siblings, so there's no issue there. I can tell you this, though, on the occasion someone does call me by my real first name, it sends me right up the wall.
Just last week I registered a DBA as Anastasia [Lastname] because I've started my canine massage business and that's what's on my business cards and that's what I tell people to call me, so that's good enough for now.
Do what you want, if you want Samantha, take that, no one should give a damn. Just be prepared to be called Sam all the time!
(02-06-2010 04:36 AM)anastasia Wrote: [ -> ]For the record I think Celia is very pretty, and I can't imagine why you'd want to change it to a plain old boring name............
Do what you want, if you want Samantha, take that, no one should give a damn. Just be prepared to be called Sam all the time!
I think the name Celia is very nice, too! Then again, I also think the nickname Sam is adorable.
I will also agree that you should do what you want, but that many people will not be open to the name change. My bet is that you will be asked, "Why did you change your name?" for the rest of your life.
I am also considering legally changing my name, but am taking a long time (many years) to consider it.
Having a low-income, I am concerned about the cost and extensive resources that I would have to put into the process of the name-change when there are many other things higher on my priority list.
In short, it is a bonus extra that I would only consider when I had a very stable income and lots of extra savings.
As other posters have said- you can be "known as" for free in terms of money and time.
I have done so for my first name for years and it has caused no problems.
(02-06-2010 05:56 AM)beachbum Wrote: [ -> ]I will also agree that you should do what you want, but that many people will not be open to the name change. My bet is that you will be asked, "Why did you change your name?" for the rest of your life.
No one has asked me that ever, and most people do think I've changed it legally...and the ones who know I haven't ask me why I haven't!
My m-i-l legally changed her name to her spiritual name. Her brother was upset about it, since they were both adopted and he felt she was dissing their adoptive parents(they are no longer alive, though).
(02-06-2010 04:29 PM)anastasia Wrote: [ -> ] (02-06-2010 05:56 AM)beachbum Wrote: [ -> ]I will also agree that you should do what you want, but that many people will not be open to the name change. My bet is that you will be asked, "Why did you change your name?" for the rest of your life.
No one has asked me that ever, and most people do think I've changed it legally...and the ones who know I haven't ask me why I haven't!
Ya, but TW is quite a bit older than you are (I believe). People have been calling her Celia for 55 years. Maybe I am wrong about that though. I hope so, because that would be a pain to have people asking you that all of the time.
I was just speculating because you know what? I would ask someone that if they told me they changed their name.
You were really lucky that nobody asked you why you changed your name Anastasia.
I say you should do what you want. It's your life but I love the name Celia and can't fathom why you want to change it to something as simple and pedestrian as Samantha.
IMO, 55 is too old to change your name and you would be constantly correcting people who call you Celia.
JMHO.
It's a really difficult choice, but if you'd be happier going by another name, why not? Life's too short to go around using a name you can't stand.
Maybe hold off on legally changing it and just use your new name socially to test it out, and if you decide people's reactions aren't making you completely insane, go head and do the legal paperwork?
I like Koi's idea. Test the waters and see how everyone reacts.
I say go for it as Koi suggests - try it first and then go ahead with the legal change if it works out. You liken your current name to "hell" - that's pretty strong language - strong enough to make the change, regardless of your age. It's never too late to do what makes you happy in life!