01-08-2010, 02:01 AM
I promised to send this to Jo when she was here, but then I thought, what the heck, I'll just post it!
Hell on Wheels
(with apologies to Clement Clark Moore and Theodore Geisel)
`Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state
Every camp and RV park was locking its gate.
The word had got out, all the campers were scared
They'd all heard that Joycie and Liz might be there.
So Joyce in a panic and Lizzie in hives
Went off to Kissimmee to learn how to drive
The staff taught Big Joycie how things inside worked
While up in the driver's seat, Lizzie just lurked.
All round the outside, our two rookies they went
They explored every hose, every line, every vent!
"Here's where water goes in, here's where shit comes right out,
And make sure you wear gloves when you open this spout!"
At last it was time to go out on the road
And discover if they could control such a load.
The big Damon Daybreak, a hulking Class A
Turned out to be kind of a toy in its way.
"It's just like a truck!" Little Lizzie declared.
While just to the rear Joycie moaned, "I am scared!"
But after a course that took just thirty minutes
Our intrepid women were prepped to begin it!
At home they dragged out all their luggage and bags.
They filled up the whole coach, but they felt like old hags.
The puppies were jammed in their traveling cages
And hoping they wouldn't be stuck there for ages.
They drove five whole miles to the Lazy Days park.
Where they managed to get all set up before dark.
For a day and a night they cried, "We need this and that!
A stool and some tools and a couple of hats."
So back in the morning they drove to their house,
Where Joyce gathered the goods like a diligent spouse.
And then they were off to Fort Myers' white beach,
And all the way there, Joycie felt she must screech,
"Left! Move to the left! You are over the line!"
And Lizzie smirked back, "Don't you worry, I'm fine."
And then when Big Joycie got behind the wheel,
Li'l Lizzie was heard with sheer terror to squeal:
"Move over! Move over! Move more to the left!'
While Joyce with a grimace replied, "I'm not deaf!"
And then when it seemed they'd been driving for hours
They finally arrived in a downpour of showers.
"Slow down and pull in! There's the turn to the right!"
Joyce yelled but ERRRRRRKKKK "A tree! You turned too
tight!"
So Lizzie, she cried and Big Joycie stormed out
To see if the damage would cause her to pout.
Then, dragging their wheel well they somehow got parked
And hoped that nobody would see in the dark.
They hooked up the cable, they hooked up the water
They put down the jacks and they counted their quarters
For soon as they got there, the laundry began
The cooking, the cleaning, and fixing the fan.
They put up the awning, got bruises and cuts,
And heard lots of complaints from long-suffering mutts.
"Take Liv, Nick and Stella; put them out in their pen,
And then in ten minutes, do it over again!"
For three whole long days they had plenty of raining
Which they made even worse with their constant complaining.
And then, when on Sunday, the sun had come out.
Liz woke from a stupor to hear Joyce's shout:
"What the hell is this water? The john's overflowed!"
(A marine toilet's not like a standard commode.)
For three days they sopped up the water with towels
With sheets and with rags and with plenty of growls.
They worked very hard and they made it all clean,
But it all seemed to them like a very bad dream.
Meanwhile all around them the campers made merry
They got in their faces and said, "Don't you worry!"
"You'll love it, get used to it, think it's all fine,
Don't be so disturbed just because you're confined,
"To a place where the coaches are parked cheek by jowl,
And every child and dog has to howl."
"It's fun to sit out in the sun and the breeze
While you're bitten to death by mosquitoes and fleas."
The old boys with their beer cans stood out in the road
They talked about "cornholes" and "pulling a toad."
The women, they all swept their pads every day
The kiddies, they cried and they screamed at their play.
The minute you opened your door they were there.
You must wear your bra or you'll give them a scare.
Joyce and Liz talked it out and they said, "We've been fooled,
RVs out on the road look so fancy and cool."
"They're very exciting, so sleek and so shiny!
But really they're just a big pain in the hiney!"
"It's not a vacation to work twice as hard
Than you would back at home in your pool and your yard."
So they packed up and gladly said "Bye" to Fort Myers
And returned to their house which was cooler and dryer
Where each of them had her own bathroom and bed
And it wasn't such trouble to be clean and fed.
And the doggies remarked as the RV disgorged them
"This trip for us kids has been nothing but boredom."
So the mommies made them and each other a promise
"No more trips with no fun and so much to alarm us!"
Home for Christmas at last, they unpacked and declared,
"The very best times are the ones that are shared,
"In a house that stays put and where nothing is finer
Than eating and watching TV in recliners!"
Hell on Wheels
(with apologies to Clement Clark Moore and Theodore Geisel)
`Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state
Every camp and RV park was locking its gate.
The word had got out, all the campers were scared
They'd all heard that Joycie and Liz might be there.
So Joyce in a panic and Lizzie in hives
Went off to Kissimmee to learn how to drive
The staff taught Big Joycie how things inside worked
While up in the driver's seat, Lizzie just lurked.
All round the outside, our two rookies they went
They explored every hose, every line, every vent!
"Here's where water goes in, here's where shit comes right out,
And make sure you wear gloves when you open this spout!"
At last it was time to go out on the road
And discover if they could control such a load.
The big Damon Daybreak, a hulking Class A
Turned out to be kind of a toy in its way.
"It's just like a truck!" Little Lizzie declared.
While just to the rear Joycie moaned, "I am scared!"
But after a course that took just thirty minutes
Our intrepid women were prepped to begin it!
At home they dragged out all their luggage and bags.
They filled up the whole coach, but they felt like old hags.
The puppies were jammed in their traveling cages
And hoping they wouldn't be stuck there for ages.
They drove five whole miles to the Lazy Days park.
Where they managed to get all set up before dark.
For a day and a night they cried, "We need this and that!
A stool and some tools and a couple of hats."
So back in the morning they drove to their house,
Where Joyce gathered the goods like a diligent spouse.
And then they were off to Fort Myers' white beach,
And all the way there, Joycie felt she must screech,
"Left! Move to the left! You are over the line!"
And Lizzie smirked back, "Don't you worry, I'm fine."
And then when Big Joycie got behind the wheel,
Li'l Lizzie was heard with sheer terror to squeal:
"Move over! Move over! Move more to the left!'
While Joyce with a grimace replied, "I'm not deaf!"
And then when it seemed they'd been driving for hours
They finally arrived in a downpour of showers.
"Slow down and pull in! There's the turn to the right!"
Joyce yelled but ERRRRRRKKKK "A tree! You turned too
tight!"
So Lizzie, she cried and Big Joycie stormed out
To see if the damage would cause her to pout.
Then, dragging their wheel well they somehow got parked
And hoped that nobody would see in the dark.
They hooked up the cable, they hooked up the water
They put down the jacks and they counted their quarters
For soon as they got there, the laundry began
The cooking, the cleaning, and fixing the fan.
They put up the awning, got bruises and cuts,
And heard lots of complaints from long-suffering mutts.
"Take Liv, Nick and Stella; put them out in their pen,
And then in ten minutes, do it over again!"
For three whole long days they had plenty of raining
Which they made even worse with their constant complaining.
And then, when on Sunday, the sun had come out.
Liz woke from a stupor to hear Joyce's shout:
"What the hell is this water? The john's overflowed!"
(A marine toilet's not like a standard commode.)
For three days they sopped up the water with towels
With sheets and with rags and with plenty of growls.
They worked very hard and they made it all clean,
But it all seemed to them like a very bad dream.
Meanwhile all around them the campers made merry
They got in their faces and said, "Don't you worry!"
"You'll love it, get used to it, think it's all fine,
Don't be so disturbed just because you're confined,
"To a place where the coaches are parked cheek by jowl,
And every child and dog has to howl."
"It's fun to sit out in the sun and the breeze
While you're bitten to death by mosquitoes and fleas."
The old boys with their beer cans stood out in the road
They talked about "cornholes" and "pulling a toad."
The women, they all swept their pads every day
The kiddies, they cried and they screamed at their play.
The minute you opened your door they were there.
You must wear your bra or you'll give them a scare.
Joyce and Liz talked it out and they said, "We've been fooled,
RVs out on the road look so fancy and cool."
"They're very exciting, so sleek and so shiny!
But really they're just a big pain in the hiney!"
"It's not a vacation to work twice as hard
Than you would back at home in your pool and your yard."
So they packed up and gladly said "Bye" to Fort Myers
And returned to their house which was cooler and dryer
Where each of them had her own bathroom and bed
And it wasn't such trouble to be clean and fed.
And the doggies remarked as the RV disgorged them
"This trip for us kids has been nothing but boredom."
So the mommies made them and each other a promise
"No more trips with no fun and so much to alarm us!"
Home for Christmas at last, they unpacked and declared,
"The very best times are the ones that are shared,
"In a house that stays put and where nothing is finer
Than eating and watching TV in recliners!"