We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

This is from Randy Cohen's "On Ethics"

My wife, 2-year-old daughter and I live in a small second-floor condo. The single woman living below us objects to the noise our daughter makes, particularly when she runs down our hallway. That downstairs neighbor asked us to install carpeting, at least a runner in the hall. Our lease calls for carpets on a fixed percentage of the floors, but we prefer hardwood floors. We installed some carpets, but adding more would not look right. Besides, virtually all of our neighbors ignore that lease provision. Must we install the hallway runner? -- Name Withheld, San Francisco
You must. Your duties to your neighbor, both legal and ethical, trump your right to enjoy even the most magnificent hardwood. Even oak. Even teak. Perhaps your confusion arises from misunderstanding Franklin Roosevelt, who spoke of the four freedoms, not the floor freedoms.

You signed your lease in good faith. That some people ignore some of its dictates doesn't erase your obligations. Such lapses can be tolerated when no harm results. But in your case, harm has occurred, and your neighbor has asked you to do no more than what you have formally agreed to. Unless you can come up with a mutually acceptable compromise -- get your daughter some soft-soled slippers? swaddle her in Bubble Wrap? -- you must carpet your hallway.

UPDATE: The family installed the hallway runner, bringing its carpet coverage to what the lease specified. The neighbor remains discontented and has asked for yet more carpets and "quiet hours" when the 2-year-old would be kept from running, perhaps with a powerful sedative, if I understand this last demand, and I do not.

(Readers can direct their questions and comments by e-mail to ethicist@nytimes.com. This column originates in The New York Times Magazine.)

Everything was fine as long as the precious lease demands were met. After that, the child is free to make all the racket she wants, because her freedoms are more important than anyone else's right to peace and quiet. The parents and the brat should move out.

(12-17-2009 06:38 PM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]This is from Randy Cohen's "On Ethics"

My wife, 2-year-old daughter and I live in a small second-floor condo. The single woman living below us objects to the noise our daughter makes, particularly when she runs down our hallway. That downstairs neighbor asked us to install carpeting, at least a runner in the hall. Our lease calls for carpets on a fixed percentage of the floors, but we prefer hardwood floors. We installed some carpets, but adding more would not look right. Besides, virtually all of our neighbors ignore that lease provision. Must we install the hallway runner? -- Name Withheld, San Francisco
You must. Your duties to your neighbor, both legal and ethical, trump your right to enjoy even the most magnificent hardwood. Even oak. Even teak. Perhaps your confusion arises from misunderstanding Franklin Roosevelt, who spoke of the four freedoms, not the floor freedoms.

You signed your lease in good faith. That some people ignore some of its dictates doesn't erase your obligations. Such lapses can be tolerated when no harm results. But in your case, harm has occurred, and your neighbor has asked you to do no more than what you have formally agreed to. Unless you can come up with a mutually acceptable compromise -- get your daughter some soft-soled slippers? swaddle her in Bubble Wrap? -- you must carpet your hallway.

I LOVE how they have to mention that it is a single woman. What difference does that make? Noise is noise- single, married, divorced.
I also love that they state that everyone else ignores the lease, so that somehow makes it ok for them to ignore it, too. What a fool.
I'd bet you a MILLION bucks that if those parhunts had a neighbor making any type of noise that disrupted their child's hours of wake/sleep, they would be shitting bricks over it.

Yeah I also noticed that they mentioned it was a single woman. It doesn't matter who the hell lives there, part of apartment living is that everyone is entitled to "reasonable enjoyment" of their dwelling. One of the major expectations of this is noise which any apartment renter will vouch for. There is of course the expectation that noise is made but there is also expectation that it be reasonable and not disruptive.

The part where she said we prefer hardwood floors is BS. If it's in the lease then you should respect it or rent elsewhere. It doesn't matter what the neighbors do. End of discussion.

I'm with beachbum on this. I bet you any money if the person below them were to have parties at 11 pm the person with the kid would be raising hell about their kid not sleeping.

Hint for anyone getting an apartment: ALWAYS get the top floor corner unit.

ITA. WTF difference does it make that its a single woman?

It still really bugs me that they point out she's a single because it's clear they're going for the sympathy angle for the mother which doesn't fly at all with me.

What if it were an elderly person who has trouble sleeping? What if it were a night shift worker trying to sleep in the day? What if it were a person with a home office trying to concentrate on their work?

These all seem like possible scenarios but none of this is addressed.

They are trying to paint a single, childfree woman as clueless and unsympathetic to their "plight" as breeders. They are also falling into the trap of describing a woman in terms of men who may or may not be in her life. This is something I have to remind my students about; they refer to men in terms of relation to them, or profession, but to women as wives, etc. of other people.

There may be a noise ordinance. Maybe what the neighbor needs to do is continually complain about these breeder-snob-idiots until the building management does something about it.

Jen M.

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Bingo! I totaly agree with you.

Jen M.

(12-19-2009 04:16 PM)eslbee Wrote: [ -> ]They are trying to paint a single, childfree woman as clueless and unsympathetic to their "plight" as breeders. They are also falling into the trap of describing a woman in terms of men who may or may not be in her life. This is something I have to remind my students about; they refer to men in terms of relation to them, or profession, but to women as wives, etc. of other people.