I posted a Child-Free topic on Facebook's Wedding Book program forums, and explained in my post that it's not the same as child-less, and what child-free means. My thread got totally hijacked, and I quickly remembered why I don't use that forum often. It was like a bunch of immature 12-year-olds... ugh! And mothers took "offense" to the term child-free! I made my Facebook status about what happened and got a lot of support from people on my Friends list--other friends who are child-free and also from mothers! So that was nice!
I posted a child-free thread on another wedding website, and I first got responses like "I have a child-free co-worker, I support her, I'm not child-free", etc. Then some other CF responses started trickling in! I also got an encouraging private message saying that it's hard to go against the "norm" of society.
Why are people so mean to child-free people? Seriously? There are so many people out there having kids to "fit in" or for the wrong reasons...
What is so offensive about the word childfree? Geez. These women need to get a life! Sorry you are encountering this. You can post about your wedding here - I'd love to hear about it!
Ugh... I feel for you. I think people assume that having kids is the norm because the majority of young women aren't careful and end up getting knocked up whether they want it or not. Then, because they are so young when it happens, regardless of how they feel about abortion, their parents or superiors pressure them into going through with it and having a shotgun wedding.... which leads to higher divorce rates.... which can lead to the children growing up in an unbalanced home life.... which can lead to kids who get pregnant at younger ages because they don't have proper role models....
I'll stop now.
Thanks! We're really just having a simple wedding, we won't be having a supper or dance. We're going to have the ceremony in our church with "treats" reception. My fiance works in a fine dining restaurant, and his boss wants to make the cake. I had originally just thought a sheet cake from the grocery store because I didn't know anyone who made fancy cakes around here. It's April 24, 2010--2 days after Earth Day (also the day we met) so we want eco-friendly, and Pink and Orange for colours. We originally thought September 26, 2009 but pushed it back, and there wasn't a real significance to September. We pushed the date back to please my mom, which was fine for awhile... she has these crazy mood swings. ugh. She's not helping in any way so I'm not postponing again!
The Child-Free thread on Wedding Book is now 79 replies... 9 pages... it's totally out of control.
Here are some of the comments:
Honestly, unless you have a serious medical condition or you or your SO are completely without reporductive organs, then you cant truly say you are "Child Free" as you put it. There is ALWAY a chance you MIGHT have a kid unless you fall into the before metioned categories. My husband and I are doing everything we can to be "Child Free" for now, but things happen and that term is just silly to me.
I don't think it was hijacked so much as people didn't know what you were referring to at first. For those who said they aren't knowing what you meant, thats not really hijacking either they are still answering your question.
Also as a mother of 2 I find the term Child-free as if they are a burden to be quite offensive. Maybe on some they would be a burden but to state it as if all children are a burden to their parents (even if thats not what you ment personally) is probably as offensive as people getting upset over you not wanting to have kids is to you.
Quote:Honestly, unless you have a serious medical condition or you or your SO are completely without reporductive organs, then you cant truly say you are "Child Free" as you put it. There is ALWAY a chance you MIGHT have a kid unless you fall into the before metioned categories. My husband and I are doing everything we can to be "Child Free" for now, but things happen and that term is just silly to me.
Well this person is just an idiot. Seriously, DH and I have reproductive organs and no serious medical conditions. And we are child-free because we take precautions. It doesn't "Just Happen". Not unless you are trying to oops. Child-free for now? WTH? No, if that is the answer then it is the fact that you are waiting to have kids. DUH.
Just keep in mind the majority of people are morons. It's a handy thought to have when people attack you for living your life the way you want to and you're not hurting anyone. Most people are pure fucking stupid. And the internet is literally full of 12 year-old kids posting whatever shit pops into their tiny little brains, and you know how intellectual that is.
I once opened a whole can of fucked up shit when I said I was childfree on a political message board I used to belong to. It started when someone mentioned that he never wanted children and was living his life the way he wanted and someone smacked him down for it. I chimed in and the next thing you know it was bedlam. Finally, I just said, "Look I don't need to pump out a DNA trophy to feel like a useful human being. I just want to live my life the way I want to and I don't need children to do that." Well, you can imagine the hate I got for that one. So then I left the message board and never returned. Most people on this planet are selfish and stupid and they just love pushing their opinions on others and get offended if you want something different out of life. Why would they even care?
(11-18-2009 04:21 PM)gingerzing Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:Honestly, unless you have a serious medical condition or you or your SO are completely without reporductive organs, then you cant truly say you are "Child Free" as you put it. There is ALWAY a chance you MIGHT have a kid unless you fall into the before metioned categories. My husband and I are doing everything we can to be "Child Free" for now, but things happen and that term is just silly to me.
Well this person is just an idiot. Seriously, DH and I have reproductive organs and no serious medical conditions. And we are child-free because we take precautions. It doesn't "Just Happen". Not unless you are trying to oops. Child-free for now? WTH? No, if that is the answer then it is the fact that you are waiting to have kids. DUH.
You're right, that person is a total fucking idiot. My reply to her would be if I got pregnant, I'd have an abortion so fast my body wouldn't even know it. CF is a state of mind, not a state of reproductive abilities. What a fucking asshole.
I honestly think the reason people get so offended by the childfree is because of envy. If you ever look at the media portrayal of the CF it always paints us as carefree wealthy people with expensive homes and numerous vacations. I dare to say that a lot of people on this board don't fit that stereotype. The breeders who get so snippy are probably just annoyed because you didn't follow the life path that they did and hate that you aren't stuck with kids.
(11-18-2009 11:12 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]I honestly think the reason people get so offended by the childfree is because of envy. If you ever look at the media portrayal of the CF it always paints us as carefree wealthy people with expensive homes and numerous vacations. I dare to say that a lot of people on this board don't fit that stereotype. The breeders who get so snippy are probably just annoyed because you didn't follow the life path that they did and hate that you aren't stuck with kids.
Yes, now there's an idea! I never go on vacation and we're POOR. But maybe someday! It costs so much money to have children. My parents probably never expected me to be living home when I was 23! I'd rather have cats...
(11-18-2009 04:39 PM)anastasia Wrote: [ -> ]You're right, that person is a total fucking idiot. My reply to her would be if I got pregnant, I'd have an abortion so fast my body wouldn't even know it. CF is a state of mind, not a state of reproductive abilities. What a fucking asshole.
You hit the nail on the head. Childfree is a state of mind. Anytime anybody gives me the "well, you never know..." line, I just give them a look that says I'm dead serious and say "nope, not happening." And online, where I'm more uncensored, I respond with "they have clinics for that." Seriously, people just can't grasp the concept that some people are willing to do whatever is necessary to not have children. We've taken permanent precautions with long-term backup precautions, but if I somehow magically got knocked up anyway, I'd be at the clinic before the stick was dry. I've researched the clinics in my area, I already know where I would go and how I would pay and everything. I can say with 100% certainty that I will never, ever, have a child.
Post the link for the board, if you like. We can have some fun with it.
ETA - I also loathe that "you never know!" BS. What is that even supposed to mean, anyway? I have Essure, and like WW if somehow I wound up pregnasty I'd be at the clinic immediately. I do know. I've even had people tell me (after I say the above) "Well, you could always adopt." Um, no? What part of "I don't want kids" are you not getting!?
IMHO opinion people don't understand that CF is a mindset, or that some of us out there will do whatever it takes to avoid parenthood, and that's why the always fall back to those stupid "you'll change your mind" types of bingoes and BS. Plus, there's the idiots out there who were supposedly "CF" because they said they didn't want kids, but actually did nothing to avoid pregancy and kept the kid. I call them idiots because I feel they kinda ruin it for the rest of us who are truly CF. That's one of my pet peeves-those who said they didn't want a kid until they had one. If you didn't want, why did you have it?
The more i read message boards, or comments on websites, forums on local newspaper webpages etc the more I feel people don't want to have a civilized debate, they just spew whatever comes into their heads and they don't care, since you don't have to deal with the people face to face.
Wekidyounot.org, the shining exception to the above!
(11-21-2009 04:18 PM)noelle Wrote: [ -> ]The more i read message boards, or comments on websites, forums on local newspaper webpages etc the more I feel people don't want to have a civilized debate, they just spew whatever comes into their heads and they don't care, since you don't have to deal with the people face to face.
Wekidyounot.org, the shining exception to the above!
Please go back and read your previous post about your angry early morning horn honking instead of direct civil quiet communication and see how those comments match with your comments in this one.
We all have those slips in civility, but the irony made me laugh out loud.
None of this is aimed directly at you, but perhaps a lesson to each of us to take a step back to look at ourselves, laugh a little and resolve to do better.
OK so i'm not perfect i am trying to be a better person through yoga. and i was whining anyway.