It seems like there are more of us every day!
***
Dear Prudence,
I'm caught in an unfortunate situation. I have a dear friend who is married to a man both my husband and I loathe. And then to top it all off they have reproduced! I dislike children to begin with, so even the most adorable child fails to enchant me, but this has to be one of the ugliest babies I have ever seen. Now my dear friend, who lives several states away, not content with sending me 10 pictures a day with lengthy updates on the child, has decided to invite herself, the child, the husband, and for all I know their dogs out to visit my husband and me so we can see the baby! I have two dogs and two cats who have never been exposed to children, and a nonchildproof home. How do I politely decline the privilege of entertaining them, especially as I didn't issue the invitation in the first place? Help!
—K. H.
Dear K,
Since you didn't issue the invitation, write your friend back saying you'd love a visit with her, but regrettably you are not equipped for guests. Tell her of all the sights to see in your town (Prudie hopes there are some) and suggest some places to stay with reasonable rates. Do insist that she save a long lunch date for just you girls, as your husband is in the midst of a big project. If they do come and you are introduced to the baby, just say something like, "Boy, that is some baby!" That way you will not feel like a phony. With any luck, they won't come.
—Prudie, pragmatically
*snort*
Boy, is that some baby, alright!
"Oooooooooh BOY...that is soooooome baybeeeee! LOL!
"Boy, that is some baby!"
If it was only that easy. You know that the parents would keep prodding and saying "What do you mean by that?". They won't be happy until they're told that their kid is the most beautiful and adorable baby to ever grace the planet.
The woman who wrote to Prudence already came up with good reasons for not having the other couple visit them. They have 2 cats and 2 dogs, and don't how they'll react to a child in the home. You don't want to take the chance of the baby being bitten or scratched. Also, babies are constantly grabbing at things and sticking everything in their mouths. You don't want to take the chance of the baby grabbing at something that could cut their hands or choke on, since the house is not babyproofed. If the breeder couple can't comprehend that, then who needs idiots like that for friends.
A few years ago my husband stupidly invited a co-worker and his wife to dinner at our house without discussing it with me first. This couple at that time had 2 toddlers and a freshly squeezed out baybee. I had to remind DH that our home is off-limits to kids, especially 2 friggin' toddlers and a baby. I actually had to remind him that we have 3 dogs, several flights of stairs, tons of breakable nice things, sharp edges, etc. So then he said something about them controlling the toddlers (sh'yeah right) but the baby wouldn't be a problem. Then I had to remind him that I have zero desire for anyone to be changing a baby's shit bag in the house. There's no changing area and no place to dispose of a shit bag. After all that he managed to finally get it, and called up his co-worker and said something along the lines of, "You're invited to dinner anytime, but my wife wants to let you know that our house is not child-friendly." Geez. You know, a couple saddled with 3 tiny brats aren't going to go anywhere without them. He doesn't get things a lot of the time. I guess it's because he's a dude and dudes don't think about what it's like to be a parent and all the bullshit that goes with it.
My mother has the best line "Your child has such a lovely disposition". Chances are good that an ugly baby is well-behaved, or at least it's a good line to have in one's back pocket. A good friend of mine recently met her latest nephew (her sister's first child) and she was worried at the start because apparently there were no kind words to be said about the child's appearance. All was good in the end because he charmed everyone (smiled and laughed and slept) which meant that my friend didn't have to interact with him much (he was always being entertained by someone) and she had some wonderful things to say about his personality
I find a nice way to complement breeders is to point out how nice the baby's clothes are-makes them feel like they're doing a good job and usually gets them to stop fishing for compliements.
(10-24-2009 06:13 PM)anastasia Wrote: [ -> ]He doesn't get things a lot of the time. I guess it's because he's a dude and dudes don't think about what it's like to be a parent and all the bullshit that goes with it.
I beg to differ on that one for myself. For me, I think about how dreadful it can be to have {especially small} kids. I know that if I had kids, I would go into a very deep depression even if I wanted to have them.
I would not want to be disrespectful to my wife by inviting people for dinner without consulting with her. And I would not want to have kids at my place. I would put up a fight with her if she wanted to have guests that had small kids.
It's fortunate for us that the few people we hang out with neither have nor like children. My guess is, if they did, we wouldn't have any basis for a relationship. I also guess that when people like each other at work, they hope it will carry over to free time and that they will like one another's spouses, too, but that may be a very unrealistic assumption. I have colleagues I like but their husbands sound like overbearing bullies, and they are always nattering about kids and grandkids. I restrict my time with them to lunches out, and try to keep away from stereotypical "family" topics. They pretty much know now that if they complain about their families, I will ask why they let themselves be pushed around and used like mules. So they are usually quite happy to discuss something else.
(10-24-2009 04:44 PM)beachbum Wrote: [ -> ]"Oooooooooh BOY...that is soooooome baybeeeee! LOL!
Yeah, he's got your eyes!!! ...Hmm?!.. Oh! no, no,.... I don't know how to hold babies, I'm always afraid I'll drop them! ... But... he's something alright! ***Giant fake smile***
LOL
My home is NOT child-proof and anyone with kids knows this. In fact, when D's friend and wife come by with the kids, they always stay outside because they respect our home and they know our home is not child friendly - at all.
A) It's extremely rude to invite yourself to someone's house. Especially if they're from out of town because they would need to stay overnight. Puh-leeze. Who does that?
B) Prudence's answer was spot on re: the house is not equipped for guests.
"Well, aren't you sweet!" -- another back-pocket line.
My friend told me to say, "oh what a tiny baby" or something. Good one! I also like Koi's idea - oh that is a cute little shirt - cause you know the clothes can be cute. Or talk about the little socks/shoes/hat. ROFL!
(10-25-2009 03:57 PM)Dana Wrote: [ -> ]My friend told me to say, "oh what a tiny baby" or something. Good one! I also like Koi's idea - oh that is a cute little shirt - cause you know the clothes can be cute. Or talk about the little socks/shoes/hat. ROFL!
Oh, good point!
As for inviting themselves (loathsome DH, baby and perhaps the dog) the answer would be "I'm afraid that won't be possible."
The "not equipped for guests" would work with some people, but if they are crass enough to invite themselves over you would get "Oh, we don't need much".
Options for hotels and something other than spending every waking moment with them is good.
Other lines would be
"Sorry, we have other plans/commitments that can't be changed." (You don't tell them the actual plans. Doesn't matter what they are, even if it sitting in the dark contemplating your belly button lint. ) Or similar to
"Oh, you want to come over Saturday? Oh, we can't do that this weekend--it's a bit hectic over here and our evening isn't free. But we'd be happy to see you in the afternoon if you want to have lunch or a coffee!"
"You are coming into town? You want to get together? Great, we'd love to see you, too! I've heard there's a great movie playing/museum exhibit/winetasting/restaurant we should check out! It's at x time and x place. We'll meet you there!"
(10-25-2009 09:57 AM)NKBurlington Wrote: [ -> ]A) It's extremely rude to invite yourself to someone's house. Especially if they're from out of town because they would need to stay overnight. Puh-leeze. Who does that?
I hope that I'm not changing the subject (if so, please forgive me). The person for me that comes to mind on this question is my brother. He would lots of times ask me, "when can we get together?" That only means coming to my place and not to his. He lives in one of those cheap, welfare type hotels in downtown LA. That place would not be very inviting to me. He lives in a place like that; even though he inherited a lot of money.
My brother has never been married and no kids. I've never invited him to stay with me because we've never got along all of our lives. He's very opinionated and upsetting. He gets very mad when he does not get his way (I guess he's a child, then!). I just don't want to spend good amount of days with him. It means that he would have to stay overnight(s). He smokes and is very messy. Also he ruins things that are mine that he uses. He can ruin toast, for God's sakes!
Last night I told him I had plans for the weekends. He then said that he can come on the weekdays. I told him that's out because of work. He then got mad and said, "OK Tom, I've got to go!" And then he hung up really fast.
(10-25-2009 02:02 AM)jmk3482 Wrote: [ -> ] (10-24-2009 04:44 PM)beachbum Wrote: [ -> ]"Oooooooooh BOY...that is soooooome baybeeeee! LOL!
Yeah, he's got your eyes!!! ...Hmm?!.. Oh! no, no,.... I don't know how to hold babies, I'm always afraid I'll drop them! ... But... he's something alright! ***Giant fake smile***
LOL
You can also say you have a cold or a runny nose that you think might be a cold. Cough a few times. If you can, fake a sneeze. Have a tissue wipe your nose. Talk nasaly. So you would be a bad guy for getting to close - can't get pwecious sick now can you.
Nicely played Dana.
That will work for kids up to the age of 5 or so, I would guess.
I agree that people who would invite themselves are just rude. I'm all for the cold, bland "Sorry. That won't work for us."
Jen M.