I am having a party on Saturday afternoon and have invited people to go to a hockey game afterward. It's amazing to me that people respond "Maybe". What, are they waiting for a better offer? It's so insulting.
It makes me not want to bother entertaining anymore!
Oh yeah, the prevalence of "maybes" will drive you crazy if you let it. You are best off counting them as "nos" in your final tally, as maybes RARELY turn into yeses, they are just 'nice ways' of saying no.
Grrr.
We gave up on entertaining a long time ago because of this.
It's really a bummer. I'll blame it partly on cell phones. It seems like no one can make a plan anymore - it's like "call me the day of and we'll see where we are." Um, OK.
I feel like such an oldster but I actually remember back before answering machines! Gasp! Back then we made a plan a week or so in advance and that was that. Plan kept outside of emergency. Those days are looong gone.
CNK-I totally understand your frustration! You're right! Not many people seem to follow-through with invitations/plans anymore. In the past, it was crucial to plan things ahead. I remember looking at the calender and planning things around work or school or even other plans! Nothing was last minute half-arsed efforts to get together.
And the maybe is what Jo stated: Almost always a nice way of saying no.
I guess I don't have a problem with saying no of hearing no if a person just can't or does't want to go.
Maybe is rude, IMO
I totally agree with you cats. Cell phones have eliminated both planning and common courtesy.
" For planning purposes, we need a yes or no answer by ( insert day and time here) otherwise we will assume you can't make it "
I totally identify with you!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking the time to make up creative invitations for parties. Even evites are fun to make. But no one ever responds!!! I wish people knew proper party ettiqute!
Sadly, no one knows any type of manners any more. Cell phones tied to their ears even while running into a store to purchase a few things. And telling the person on the other end exactly what they are doing. You know, if I take the time to call someone there is absolutely no interest on my part about their minute-by-minute errand-running. Bah. I agree with above, give deadline for planning and food purchases and then count them as a no. It is not your responsibility to chase their butts down up until the time of the event.
I blame all parents of the "ME generation" that raised their kids by giving them anything and everything their little hearts desired. Including owning a cell phone at age 6. So of course now as an adult, they cannot live without one tied to their ear. And of course with that being said, we have a generation of spoiled rotten adults.
Who have little regard for manners let alone respect of what one is suppose to do when one is invited to a party.
Its either YES or NO. Its not rocket science question.
And Maybe? Hmmmm, well that does imho does reflect that you could care less too. Or as CNK stated you are waiting for a better offer. And to me that is down right RUDE with a capital R
So I don"t blame you one bit Cats for being upset about it all.
You are so right, people that say Maybe, to invites, are spoiled rotten
creatures. And imo they only have a generation of idiotic parents to blame for making them that way.
I totally agree that the trend in parenting now is to spoil the kids rotten and never discipline kids or teach them manners because that would damage their self esteem and they would be scarred for life.
Hopefully the rudeness of the "maybe" people will come back to bite them in the ass. The best thing that could happen to them is people will stop inviting them and stop contacting them because maybe they do or don't have time. You either do or don't have plans for a specific day and time.
I think this has nothing to do with kids though... it's people our age who are doing it.
People are so used to an 'evite' now, and getting multiple event invitations on Facebook, they just think of it as another item in their inbox to ignore.
I will admit that I am one of those people who often doesn't make up my mind until closer to the date... it doesn't always mean I'm 'waiting for something better' -- it's just that I live paycheque to paycheque and I don't always know if I'll have the money to do something or the time off work or if I'll be tired. That's the biggest problem with me -- I am fairly useless in the evenings, as I get tired REALLY early, and if an event doesn't even start until 9, I can't really commit. Also, I reserve the right to cancel all plans if the event is outside in the summer and it's hotter than 24, because I can't cope in the heat.
And let's not forget that a lot of us have issues with social functions anyhow, and feel weird in certain company, and so it would be nice to know if some people are going to be there who we like and get along with. I know that sounds awful... but it's true. There are some events that I wouldn't go to if certain people were going to be there. You can't really say that to the host, though, as it's awkward. So you just take responsibility for your own comfort levels and what makes you happy.
I am another one who thinks that manners have gone away for the most part.
My mother who gives fantastic parties and had a group of ladies that did all sorts of fun things together for the past 12 years or so. She has decided that she will not be having her Christmas party or planning anymore get togethers. Why? Because no one understands the term RSVP. And she is left calling about half the group to even see if they are coming. Even then it is half-hearted. A couple years ago, she made them all pre-pay for tickets to plays because she would pay for 20 tickets for the group to go to a play and then 3-4 people would flake out (99% of the time it was a flake out not emergency) and then not pay for the tickets because "they didn't go". Um, you told her you would go that is why the ticket was bought.
Our house is small and our street has no real parking, so we don't do more than another couple over. (Plus 2 cats and a VERY friendly dog puts off some folks)
I also remember pre-answering machine days.
As for the cell phones. I have one. It is off most of the time unless we are calling long distance. OT - I have heard of some retail stores and restaurants (or clerks elsewhere) telling people to move out of the line until they are done with their call to do their transaction. Probably because of the people ignoring the person in front of them and then getting mad that they can't do their job because the person can't talk to the phone person.
Cassia's correct with the line about needing a yes or no. Miss Manners would approve.
(10-22-2009 10:34 AM)gingerzing Wrote: [ -> ]I am another one who thinks that manners have gone away for the most part.
I totally agree. I went to a wedding from my best friend from college and he was shocked that I showed up in a jacket, tie, and slacks. I was worried about being under-dressed but apparently I shouldn't have since I was better dressed than everyone except the couple and the minister. Maybe I'm old fashioned but a wedding deserves better than jeans and a t-shirt.
People never bother to RSVP anymore. For our wedding last year, we only got 50% of the response cards we sent (complete with self-addressed envelope and postage!). And several of those who couldn't be bothered to respond lived across the country. You should know pretty early on if you have any intention of taking off work and flying/driving in, but no, they couldn't drop the response card in the mail. And we called everyone of them to confirm. And a few were even planning on coming! How did they think we were going to have food and seating if we didn't know they'd be there? Idiots.
And of course we get even less responses for casual events. I figure if I don't get a pretty quick response, they aren't coming.
If I were to host a party I feel like I would need an acurate count on how many people will be there because of planning for food and how much room I would have. I would have the invited ones to choose "yes" or "no"; and not "maybe". I feel like you can not depend on "maybes" because it's a 50/50 chance that they will come or not. Most likely it would be around 80 to 90 percent of "maybes" that will not show up.
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And let's not forget that a lot of us have issues with social functions anyhow, and feel weird in certain company, and so it would be nice to know if some people are going to be there who we like and get along with. I know that sounds awful... but it's true. There are some events that I wouldn't go to if certain people were going to be there. You can't really say that to the host, though, as it's awkward. So you just take responsibility for your own comfort levels and what makes you happy.
I have to agree with Jo on that one because that's how I feel exactly. As I'm getting older; it seems like as I go out to group meetings, I feel like I have less and less things in common with the people that will be there. It does not make me comfortable and it really makes me feel awful when I leave and get home.