I think the thing that annoys me the most about working in a school board is the fixation on 'family' meaning only one thing... kids.
Today at work, I got talking about traveling with a woman in the lab (might have been a teacher or a teacher's assistant). Anyhow I was telling her how much I love to travel, and she she said something like "Oh, but you can't travel as much as you'd like when you have a family!!"
I am so sick of this line of thinking, I just blurted out, "Oh no, my family totally knows how much I love to travel and they support me in my quest for adventure!"
She probably didn't know what to make of this. I *always* react the same way when people pull this shit on me -- I just act as if you are referring to my adult relatives when you refer to my family, and OF COURSE my family loves me and supports me and encourages me to be all I can be! They don't drag me down like kids would. LOL
Good. I also get tired of people assuming that a family is a husband, wife, and a couple of children. It's never used for a couple or for a single with pets.
LOL @ Jo.. Good for you to stand up to that narrow way of thinking.
But, the way I see it "Family" is anything you make of it.
Hubby, Me & Our Cat Boots is our own Family.
And I know its typical that people think kids is an automatic assumption to the word family, but its not. And some people just need a wake up call to that idea, especially for all of us CF'ers
Nowadays with divorce's and adult kids moving back home to live with Mom & dad. Family is anything that YOU want it to be.
"Family" is just a word.. Like any other word.
Please, Try not to take it so seriously.
You have your family and the rest of the world has their own families.
Live & let live is my matra, LOL
Peace Out......
I hate the way it is used by many as well.
I got in an online fist fight on another board over the term 'family' being used in such a narrow sense.
(I think I mentioned my altercation here, lol).
There's really no "standard" family-it varies by culture. I think of family as the relatives you're closest to, whether it is spouse, kids, parents, siblings, pets, etc. I know its been mention in other threads, but the phrase "start a family" annoys me. I know its just a euphanism for sprogging, but it sounds so stupid to me.
I swear it is almost as if we're not supposed to talk about the things we enjoy doing because we don't have kids. I think people who answer like that are in a constant state of "am I better than this person or that person." Too bad she couldn't simply be happy for you. No she had to point out that she would like to travel too, but doesn't because she has kids.
I'd agree with her loud and clear saying: That's right, you can't but I can. I'd say it with a great big smile on my face too. Stupid mean lady. She got you down...just like she intended.
I love your response! Good for you for being so pleasant yet blunt.
(10-19-2009 07:32 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]Good. I also get tired of people assuming that a family is a husband, wife, and a couple of children. It's never used for a couple or for a single with pets.
Yeah, we use family to mean us and our pets all the time, either to make people aware of the possibilities, or to irk them, depending on the situation.
Here's one for you, Jo: "I was home alone with the kids."
That one irritates the crap out of me. "Alone" means "one." If you have a goldfish in the house, you are not alone. And some would claim the constant presence of a deity. But culturally, when you hear a straight woman say the above line, all she means is "My husband was out." It's not the same thing.
My best friend is also CF and got married a couple of years ago to a woman with two teen daughters. Now, when I get emails from him and he mentions his "family" I have to figure out he's talking about his wife and her two daughters and he's no longer talking about his father and grandmother and other family members like he used to. Like when he got a virus and was very sick last year, he wrote something along the lines of: And I was throwing up so much my whole family was worried..... It took me several seconds to realize his dad and the others weren't over at his house worried, he was talking about his wife and her two teens. I'm not sure why, but it irks me. He never wanted to be to have children or be a father, but now the word "family" has completely changed for him.
A million years ago when I was in college--okay, around 1988 or so---I took a freshman sociology class. I remember the prof asking if we could use the word "family" to describe anything other than husband-wife-kids. He asked, "Who thinks we could use the word 'family' to describe a gay couple?" I was the only one who raised a hand in agreement. All the other students looked at me like I was a freak, something I've been on the receiving end of since I was in kindergarten. I was not shocked that no one agreed with me, just sad that I was stuck at Redneck University with the knuckle draggers. But I never thought "family" had to mean husband-wife-kids. My mother raised me alone, it was just her and me. Does that mean it wasn't a family because there was no husband or other kids? We were just two people. I should have had the brain power to ask that question in the class right then, but I'm smarter now.
I hate how "family" almost always just means kids. Like a family movie is really just a kid movie, a family friendly restaurant means lots of screaming kids, a family friendly outdoor fest means catering to kids. I wish they'd just say what it really is, movie for children, restaurant for children, festival for children, etc., and stop pretending.
ETA: What I've been finding interesting lately is when DH and I are out in our 'hood walking our three pups, lots of people we see often say "The whole family's out today." They say it a lot, actually.
Yeah it pisses me off too, why even say family anymore? Say kids and their people or some crap, cause family does only mean kids. You know when someone asks you, "When are you going to start a family?" THAT annoys me. I've been part of one my whole life! My family to me is my DH and I, my sis and BIL, my parents, DH's parents AND step-parents, and both his siblings. Shoot to me family still means my dead grandparents.
I agree Jo. The word family is meant as mom, dad and 2.5 kids. I guess all those people that get married and have kids no longer consider their mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters "family".
Sad and narrow minded.
Nice job, Jo! That's great that you did that. The idea that we don't have a family because we haven't reproduced is ridiculous.
I agree with Opilies - it's like we aren't really supposed to talk about what we do with our free time because it doesn't revolve around kids. In my office my co-workers spend their weekends with kids or grandkids so the talk generally revolves around that.
I totally agree about the deception with kiddy things being called family instead of using the term "for children" or something similar.
It's probably been discussed here before, but what gets my goat about the whole family trend is when businesses that catered to the adult consumer suddenly become "family friendly". Of course, that means bring your kids along to an adult oriented place-the likes of a high end restaurant, Las Vegas tried being a "family" destination, beer and/or wine festivals, etc.
(10-20-2009 05:17 PM)Dog Holliday Wrote: [ -> ]I totally agree about the deception with kiddy things being called family instead of using the term "for children" or something similar.
It's probably been discussed here before, but what gets my goat about the whole family trend is when businesses that catered to the adult consumer suddenly become "family friendly". Of course, that means bring your kids along to an adult oriented place-the likes of a high end restaurant, Las Vegas tried being a "family" destination, beer and/or wine festivals, etc.
That is so irritating! I hate going to an over 21 event and people have brought their kids. The huge carseat carrier and the SUV stroller. So tacky.
This happened last night. DH and I went to a very nice Italian restaurant. I went to the restroom to wash my hands and some dip-shit was changing her baybeee on the counter right next to the sink! I had to reach over the kid to get paper towels.
I guess I made a face because the next thing I hear is the moo talking to her baybee, saying how this is a "family environment" (meaning for kids). I guess she didn't like the totally disgusted look on my face, lol!
I wasn't in the mood to argue, but I thought to myself,
"If this is "family", how come you are the only imbecile here with a child?".
To me, "family" restaurants have the co-ed washrooms with the gigantic, plastic changing tables.
It was not a fambly friendly restaurant.
(10-20-2009 05:17 PM)Dog Holliday Wrote: [ -> ]I totally agree about the deception with kiddy things being called family instead of using the term "for children" or something similar.
It's probably been discussed here before, but what gets my goat about the whole family trend is when businesses that catered to the adult consumer suddenly become "family friendly". Of course, that means bring your kids along to an adult oriented place-the likes of a high end restaurant, Las Vegas tried being a "family" destination, beer and/or wine festivals, etc.
The part I loved about Vegas being family friendly is that it backfired so spectacularly. The casinos and other businesses realized much too late that families are damned cheapskates. A drunk single guy and his buddies will buy a bunch of booze and gamble at the tables. The families will grudgingly tip a dollar at the all you can eat buffet and watch the water show at the Bellagio. Which party spends more overall?
I know this is late, but recently in some magazine I was reading there was some article about the right number of kids. Every family profiled had at least one and the emphasis was on creating a "family."
I was not the only person who commented on the website or wrote to the editor saying that deciding not to have children doesn't make a couple any less of a "family" (or a single less of a family for that matter!) and that DH and I ARE a family- a Family of Two and it would be nice if they had presented a couple as such. Not just an infertile couple who couldn't have kids but wanted them, but a normal couple who, for whatever reason, decided against it.
That probably was November's Redbook Magazine.
Glad you wrote in.