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Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is
in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone
around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has
shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing
to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that
says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an
invitation to batting practice 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here
from "outer space." 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you
crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean
sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4.
Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One
thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN

Those are great. I love them, especially the 10 things only women understand.

Hilarious!! I love it!

I have heard many men state this one:

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college. <----sad truth

I bet there are a lot of husbands who are totally ignored once the kid(s) arrive.

I like the ones about babies. "35 is enough!" I guess we're in a for a long haul with the Duggars.

(09-24-2009 03:56 PM)Jo Wrote: [ -> ]TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN

This is funny. My commentary.

10. Nobody understands cats. Cats will stare at a wall for ten minutes just because they can.
9. To match your outfit of course!
8. I love sprouts and pile them on a salad when I have the chance.
7. Totally understandable.
6. This one made me laugh hysterically. This is so incredibly true. It reminds me of my grandfather in a way. He wasn't a fast driver (50 in a 55 on the interstate type) but by god he didn't want to stop for anything. You knew not to eat or drink the day before a long trip because by god taking a ten minute rest stop to have a snack or use the facilities was taking away precious time! How dare you go to the bathroom more than once every 12 hours!
5. Sadly, I actually can tell the difference.
4 and 3. Nope, don't get it.
2. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
1. Women make cats look like an open book complete with annotations and an index.

(09-24-2009 03:56 PM)Jo Wrote: [ -> ]. AND, the Number One
thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN

I don't believe I understand other women very well at all. Some female behavior just doesn't make sense even to me, and I get along with the guys better anyway. I hate when other women get catty, whine about their weight, or ramble on and on about children, weddings, or gossip. It just bores me to tears. And the worst part is I chose a pink-collar job.

Most of these jokes don't take into account that there are straight women and gay women. I will confess the straight ones baffle me sometimes, too. Like tonight I was watching Jay Leno, and Chris Rock was on. He has done a documentary called _Good Hair_ about how much time and money black women spend on their hair. Well, this doesn't take black lesbians into account AT ALL. I bet they are NOT responsible for the "84% of all hair care products" that are bought by black women. He said black women buy 84% of all hair care products in the USA!!! I have no idea how accurate this may be for sure. My spouse and are I not responsible for whatever percent are bought by straight women. Generic shampoo and that's it. So lumping all women, or black women, into one homogenous group is never going to be close to accurate.

FWIW I didn't think half of this was funny at all, I just cut and pasted the whole thing. I thought the first part was funny. Normally I hate gender jokes. Seriously.

(10-02-2009 08:03 AM)Jo Wrote: [ -> ]FWIW I didn't think half of this was funny at all, I just cut and pasted the whole thing. I thought the first part was funny. Normally I hate gender jokes. Seriously.

If you hated some of these jokes then why did you include them in the cut and paste? Whatever. It is not that big of a deal. They are jokes is all, but if I didn't like them I wouldn't think to share them with anyone.