I'm sure this has happened to everyone here countless times. You're in a group of people. The leader makes you go around the room and tell your name and some things about yourself to the group. Naturally the first five or six people come out with "I have x number of kids and they keep me really busy" or some crap like that.
Then it's your turn. What next? "I don't have any kids," or, "I have x pets" or just avoid the issue altogether.
DBF was recommending that I start just saying, "I'm childfree" as a way to promote acceptance of it and get it out there rather than hiding it like it seems we do most of the time. ??
Thoughts?
I talk about something interesting about myself. Something to show that I have a life and go do things. I might say that I'm in school, or how I travel or where I live/lived, or depending on what the group situation is. If it's at school I'd talk about how far I am, what I'm studying, my first college/degree, etc. The other day there was an intro for a class at a local church so I talked about how we are moving next year and we hope to stay overseas. If it's a photo group for instance... I'll talk about how I had the opportunity to have my photos in a gallery at one point... I would also say, "I don't have any kids, but I have 2 dogs". Things like that I guess.
If you do feel like saying you are CF that would be good too. I suppose I might as well depending on the group and situation.
Depends on the situation as to whether or not it's worth opening the CF door first thing - whether or not you're going to continue any of the relationships beyond this day/meeting/course. And even then, you can go either way, depending on your comfort level or how you gauge the group.
I don't even like saying whether or not I'm married when it comes to those things. I don't feel like it defines who I am and it makes no bit of difference when I'm introducing myself around a room.
I've usually had a format for those things (say where you went to school, what you expect to get out of this course, etc.), but if there's any room for free comments, I usually mention that my favorite pizza is mushrooms and black olives or something else equally random. It tends to get at least a few laughs.
Usually if the introductions are breeder-centric, I say a few things that show a relevance to the topic, but also illustrate a vibrant and fun life.
On Saturday, I was the administrator for a set of workshops.
I gave examples of the type of introductions that would be relevant to the reason we were gathered, so as to avert the breeder-talk.
Out of 32 introductions, none talked about kids.
What issue are you avoiding? I usually say where I am originally from and then follow with the things I like to do. It is an opportunity for a group to get to know you better. I find it very easy to talk about myself. I also enjoy learning about what others are like. Yes, often they have children, but just because you don't have kids doesn't define you in any way except the way you present yourself with what you like to do. Your tone, your sense of pride in telling others what your interests are, your sense of confidence in wanting to talk about yourself says a lot, even the ones with children.
Fore example, if you said I don't have kids, I stay at home, and sound kind of meek and meager about it...ya people might think you are a shy homebody. It is all about how sincere you are about what's going on in your life.
I go for something more interesting about myself than "I have kids". Travel, hobbies, education -- things like that. Often, that serves to show them how boring the rest of them are. Sometimes, it's happened that after I say my piece about my interesting life, the people who come after me who I KNOW have kids, will follow my pattern instead.
I do not define myself by either presence or absence of other people in my life, so you will never catch me saying I'm married/single, childed/childfree. That's like saying I don't like brussel sprouts. Really a non-starter.
I often say that I'm an avid traveller, blogger, writer, computer geek with a transport truck driving licence. Sometimes I say I used to live in Toronto or the Arctic, or I used to work in libraries for most of my life. Just generic things that define me better than who I am associated with. If I was going to say I'm associated with anyone, I'd flash the picture of when I met Brad Pitt. HAHA
(09-24-2009 09:58 AM)catsnotkids Wrote: [ -> ]I'm sure this has happened to everyone here countless times. You're in a group of people. The leader makes you go around the room and tell your name and some things about yourself to the group. Naturally the first five or six people come out with "I have x number of kids and they keep me really busy" or some crap like that.
Then it's your turn. What next? "I don't have any kids," or, "I have x pets" or just avoid the issue altogether.
DBF was recommending that I start just saying, "I'm childfree" as a way to promote acceptance of it and get it out there rather than hiding it like it seems we do most of the time. ??
Thoughts?
LOL I LOVE YOUR DBF already. ITA with HIM! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE! Let them know your CF and to hell of what anyone thinks about it.
Maybe next time they won't be so quick to play the Go-around game, lol
Plus why hide it? Are you ashamed of yourself? If so, why?
You have no reason to be ashamed. You are who you are, and if people don't like it, fuck em.
We are taught to tolerate acceptance of ALL lifesyles. Why should being CF be any different then being GAY? (tolerance wise that is)
Its a lifestyle you chose it it. NOW OWN IT! That is my
FWIW
And good luck to you
too.
"We are taught to tolerate acceptance of ALL lifesyles. Why should being CF be any different then being GAY?"
Except that most gays don't run around telling people their sexual orientation, and neither does anyone else. For me, kids are a non-issue so I follow what everyone else here has suggested and talk about what really defines me. With work they always have a format (Who do you work for, what is your previous experience on the subject, and how are you involved with this project) but if I had joined a class or was volunteering? I'd probably say that I was a scientist with the government, I enjoy travelling (went to Africa earlier this year!), and I'm an avid cyclist/cross-country skier depending upon the season. I want someone to come to me afterward with "Oh, so where else have you travelled?!" rather than "So, you don't have kids, huh?"
It's like childfree vs childless. I am not missing children from my life.
P.S. to daria... I like your strategy!
I don't go anywhere that this sort of thing happens anymore, but I make sure new people know I'm dog-centric, gay ("I've been married to 'female name' for 22 years") and childfree. It helps weed out the nutballs.
I usually just say a few words about what I do, and I base it on context. Is it a group of artists? I say my name and talk a little bit about what art forms I practice. Is it a Pagan group? I say my name and talk a little bit about my background. Etc.
I don't bring my personal details into it if it's not relevant. if it's just a social situation, I introduce myself by name and leave it at that.
Jen M.
Usually I introduce myself by my education/career and specialization. Even when I meet with similar professionals in the field, very few are in the specialization I want to go into, so kinda sets me apart in any group.
These are inevitably breeder-centric. I prefer to talk about my own personal interests. It's interesting to see how people are so focused on their children and are shocked to see a person with their own interests.
I HATE those go-arounds, too.
"I am my kids mom"...."I love doing x, y, z, with my kids"....."Never knew what life was about until I had kids"..."I have the MIJITW"...blah, blah, blah-
B-O-R-I-N-G!
Fuck. Tell us something interesting about yourself. Spreading your legs and popping out a kid is not remotely interesting, fascinating, challenging or tough to do.
The majority of people with kids only want to talk about kids. I am not surprised by this anymore. I am still a bit perplexed that people honestly feel that everyone else wants to hear about their kids though.
Why?
What on earth would possess someone to truly believe this?
I mean, there are only a billion other things to talk about.