Arrrrggggg! My MIL knitted a baby sweater for us in hopes that we will change our minds about not having kids....then showed it to us at our nieces' (twins) birthday party this evening. Both of DH's parents know full well that we are not going to have kids. So his mom knitted this sweater for her "hope chest"...as in she "hopes" that we will have kids. I just turned to DH and gave him the "we need to get the hell out of here" look. On the way home, he agreed that he needs to have a talk with them because that behavior is not acceptable and it makes me very uncomfortable.
I actually laughed when I read this. It's funny from an outsider's perspective. I'm sorry it upset you. I can see why it would. I would say try and put these people in the category of completely retarded... I mean that would be like you buying them a cat litter pan and scoop and a scratching post for "if they change their minds" about a cat. GMAFB. Just nod politely and laugh uproarously behind their backs. I don't know what else to say. It's crazy behavior coming out of them requiring no comment on your part. Seriously.
Man, that sucks ass. FWIW, my MIL told my DH not to marry me because I'm CF. After our wedding, she called him to gleefully tell him she cried on the plane all the way home because she's so sad he's married to me. Never mind his happiness, all that matters is her other son, DH's brother, hasn't supplied her with grandsons, he and his wife only have three girls and they're done breeding, and MIL values penises more in terms of grandchildren so she's mad we're not going to be giving her any grandkids with penises. She's made it quite clear from day one she has nothing but negative feelings for me. MILs can really ruin your whole fucking day.
Your and your DH are right, that behavior is unacceptable, and she needs to know that he married YOU because he wants to be with YOU and he wants to live his life, not her damned life. She's had her kids, and apparently she already has twin grandkids, so she needs to shut the hell up.
Wow, your MIL sounds like a freak. She knitted a baby sweater for you? She needs to have her head examined.
Jo's right, it is funny, in a way. I hope you don't have to spend much time with her!
I agree with Jo, in that it's funny in an odd way if it isn't happening to you.
My mother recently offered me my baby blanket. It's a little knit thing that my great-grandmother made for me when I was born (I think that I was her first great-grandchild). At least my mother was polite about it... she enquired if the cat would like it or if she should give it to another family member or friend.
(I suggested she give it to someone who would better appreciate the significance as the cat prefers lounging on hard surfaces).
Decide whether or not your MIL brings it up often enough to be really bothersome, and if telling her to stop it will only aggrevate her and cause her to get worse.
(09-14-2009 10:45 AM)Ziggy Wrote: [ -> ]Decide whether or not your MIL brings it up often enough to be really bothersome, and if telling her to stop it will only aggrevate her and cause her to get worse.
She's been tiptoeing around it quite a bit lately. At a dinner party a few months ago, she mentioned that her other grandchildren were getting too old (the youngest is 3) and it was time for another baby...hint, hint. Then about a month ago (at our house) she mentioned something about when DH & I change our minds and finally have kids. Then last week, DH mentioned that we were planning on moving to California when we finish graduate school and she kinda flipped out, saying that we couldn't live that far away because she wouldn't be able to see our kids very often.
What is sad, is that I usually get along really well with both of DH's parents and all of this nagging about having kids makes me not want to do things with them.
That is totally inappropriate. I'm sorry your MIL is a freak. If you have a cat or some type of animal, you should ask her to knit a sweater for it instead.
Once, while at a family gathering, my Brother-in-law and his wife and son were there. There was a family member taking pictures of the son and turned to us and said we need to have a kid so they can take pics of it. I promptly told them, they could come over and take pictures of my dog, because that is all they're going to get.
How sad that your MIL can't live in reality and is always wishing for something for more. I could never live like that. Good for your husband stepping up to say he needs to talk to her some more about her hopes for another grandchild. She most likely will not change. Your MIL is so narrow-minded, as if babies are the only thing that make living worthwhile. Get a life, lady!!
"she kinda flipped out, saying that we couldn't live that far away because she wouldn't be able to see our kids very often.
What is sad, is that I usually get along really well with both of DH's parents and all of this nagging about having kids makes me not want to do things with them."
For both those reasons your DH should definitely talk with her. If you can normally enjoy your time around her, and she really does seem to be believe strongly that you will change your mind, then there is a bigger problem. I agree with others that it is great that your DH is willing and able to have this discussion with her, and hopefully this means that you can return to your earlier good relationship!
To take someone above's idea further, get her either a bird cage, snake aquarium, or hamster cage with a few add-ons like water holder, suet stick, or heated rock. When she comments along the lines of 'why in the world would I want to get a _____ (bird, snake, hamster, etc.)?' you can explain that is your reaction to her knitted baby sweater.
Get some sort of stuffed animal and put the sweater on that.
I like what Noelle suggests.
Well, DH talked to his parents this week and it went amazingly well. They were under the impression that when we said, "we don't want children", what we meant was that we didn't want children right now. Which is understandable (sort of), since they were married for over 10 years before they starting having kids. So he clarified for them that we don't want children ever and the comments that they make (or baby sweaters that they knit) make us very uncomfortable. His mom apologized and both of his parents seem to understand that this is our decision and they respect it. They were a little disappointed, but I think that is a reasonable response....I prefer it over denial. Besides, they already have three grandchildren from his brother...they can focus of the kids that actually exist.
Kristin
KUDOS To your hubby for actually taking a stand on your behalf as well as his.
I am happy that your MIL understand now, that your CF decision is a life long one. And not just putting it off till you have more $ type bullshit.
Hopefully you won't see any more knitted sweaters in your future.
And maybe you can suggest she make another one and give them both to the Twins!
That way the first one won't go to waste, and making another one will give her something to do other then to pick on you, lol
O.T So sorry to be late posting this, but better late then never
I'm glad to hear that the talk went relatively well! I don't think that it is surprising that her initial reaction is one of "Oh. Really?" as people have expectations of where we will go in life and when we deviate it takes a few minutes/days to reorient one's mind to the change. It sounds like they are understanding and open-minded people which is awesome because it should only be a short matter of time before their brains have readjusted and they are happy that you are happy. At least we all hope so
Hey if you own a small dog, you can use it for a doggie sweater. I'm sure your MIL would love that!!! LOL.
I'm glad it turned out so well for you. We should all be so lucky!
What a relief for both of you. I'm glad it went so well - you must both be feeling glad that's behind you!
(09-20-2009 08:12 PM)catsnotkids Wrote: [ -> ]What a relief for both of you. I'm glad it went so well - you must both be feeling glad that's behind you!
Yeah, it feels like this huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And DH was surprised at how it turned out to not be a very big deal. Unfortunately, my MIL didn't give us the sweater (she just showed it to us), so we can't put it on our cat (although I'm sure our cat is happy for that).