I always feel a little weird posting in the critters section because I so rarely do since Waffle passed, but you guys really are the fountain of all knowledge, so here I go.
Unfortunately, Tim is a light sleeper, so we don't let the cats in our bedroom at night. Without fail, Miso usually meows outside our door at some point - any point - in the night/morning. Usually, she manages around 4am during the week and around 6am on the weekends, but that's not necessarily like clockwork. Sometimes, she starts as soon as 11pm or midnight.
We've taken to leaving a large-ish dog crate in our living room and putting her in it (it's on the middle level of the house; our room is upstairs) then going back to bed. At first, it seemed like she was learning and the morning whining stopped for a while. Now it's just part of our routine. She doesn't even try to run down the stairs when we open the bedroom door; just flops down, ready for love, then goes into the crate without a fight.
Is there anything else we can do or is this normal needy-cat behavior that I should just get used to for the next 15-20 years (along with trying to convince Tim to let them in at night)?
Do you have a basement? A crate seems a bit small for a sometimes full-night confinement every night. You wouldn't be the first to do this... people have been tossing their pestersome cats into basements for generations! The biggest reason for something bigger than a crate is the litter box, although if you can fit a litter box into the cage then I retract my point
Don't wait for her to start crying in the middle of the night... do it right from the point when you get ready for bed. As it is, she is interrupting your sleep every night! Much as you love your cat, she won't mind being in the basement or large crate for an extra few hours and you won't be woken up. Or maybe only put her in there on weeknights, so that you get good sleep for your workday but you can give her more independence (and you can see if she ever learns) when you can sleep in.
I once had a cat who would play with my head all night if I let her (pouncing and chewing) so I had to close her out of my bedroom. Unfortunately I was in a 1-bedroom place and so she would whine loudly at my door all night. After a while I confined her to the washroom when I went to sleep. I was lucky because she was a foster so I gave her back to be adopted after a few months, but I put a big warning about "Whomever adopts this cat must be able to confine her to another section of the house if they ever want to sleep in peace". Oddly enough, she had a new home within days so obviously somebody didn't mind her 'quirk'!
Unfortunately, our basement doesn't close off from the rest of the house.
She really is a weird cat. She sometimes goes into the open crate on her own and naps.
She's a little cat, so there's plenty of room for her to move around in the crate (as opposed to the easy-for-me-to-carry-one I actually take her to the vet in), but it's not quite large enough for a litter box, so I hesitate to put her in there at the beginning of the night.
She always walks out of the crate just fine; no sign that she's mad or anything, so that's good at least (or so I tell myself).
For the most part, I'm ok with it because I fall back asleep pretty fast. It's good to know that she's not completely abnormal - you know, except for the fetching and tail chasing and generally just acting like a lap dog.
We do keep the cats in our room during the Halloween party and usually that night if people are sleeping over, so it's a good trial at least once a year. I'm hoping that with age, they settle a bit and Tim can handle them being in the room.
You can get small 'kitten' or travel litter boxes, so those might be possibilities. It wouldn't hurt to have one in there for those nights when she starts to be vocal earlier than usual, but if not then I wouldn't worry about it. My cat loves his carrier to the point where it is his sanctuary - he even twangs his claws on the carrier's door until I 'fix it' when I accidentally close it. Most cats who feel that way have grown up with an open carrier in their world and just consider it another part of the furniture, as normally people keep the carrier hidden until they take the cat to the vet and of course they learn to dislike that association!
It sounds like she is relatively normal, at least she is reacting normally. I wouldn't survive long if I had to get up in the middle of the night as I am a heavy sleeper but if you are happy with that option then definitely do what works best for you!
It's funny... people think that 'dog' traits are unusual with cats but the more cats I meet the more I realise that a well socialised cat is almost like a lap dog. I had this theory and it was reinforced when I went to stay with some family that have a lap dog. I kept thinking "My cat does that too!" My older cat (6 years old) still does the occasional tail-chase when he is on his scratching post and flicks his tail under the platform so that it appears under him, and he chases it by going around the platform in circles. My little kitten Luke loves to chase his tail - he doesn't have any siblings so although he has piles of toys his tail is the only completely interactive toy. Fetching is also something that my cat used to do when he was younger but he's grown out of it which is unfortunate. A friend of mine adopted one of my foster kittens - Sasha - and this friend reports that she has a dozen foam balls that she will often drop at their feet for a game of fetch. I have met others too... and almost every cat will play 'fetch' but only the really good ones will return it at the end!
One story that made me laugh... good friends of mine have a cat that couldn't stay in the bedroom at night because the guy was a light sleeper and the cat would wander into the room and meow a lot. At some point they discovered that in fact the problem was that the cat's collar had a couple tags and they would jingle a bit and he would reply to them. When they removed all but one of his tags the problem suddenly disappeared. As you can tell, the cat was sweet but wouldn't have survived very long in the wild!
Oooh, I feel your pain.
My kittens use to do the same thing. Cry at the door and scratch and try to get in at 3-4 in the morning.
The female outgrew it, but the male was very persistent. When I moved, he scratched and tore the corner of the carpet.
This is what seems to have worked for me.
-Making a few beds with old sweaters I have worn, so they can smell me. They seem to be comforted by this.
-Making sure they are fed right before I go to bed. Even though they have dry food to eat, I give them some wet food (and some treats) to make sure they are FULL throughout the night. (I think they want wet food more than they want me in the mornings, lol).
So, this is the only advice I can give. Thankfully, it worked for me. Give it a try. You never know what might be the magical solution. Keep us updated!!