I felt like I had to ask that question because some have great relationships with their families and others do not. I guess I'm in the "do not" category.
Both my Mom and Dad are long gone now and that only leaves me my one sister and two brothers. My sister and I get along fairly well and that's it. I care about her a lot but I don't care much for her husband, kids, and his parents. Also, I don't care about their pets either.
With my two brothers, well that's another story. My older brother has been distant with everyone for a good long time. My other brother and I fight a lot; and we have fought all of our lives. So, that leaves me feeling like I don't have a family anymore. It seemed like it all went downhill after my father passed away in 1998.
When I find that someone in my life (if I ever do), then I would hope to get along with her family; if she has one. If that's the case then I would feel like I have a family.
Right now it's just downright depressing that my life is the way it is.
My family basically consists of an aunt and her husband and daughter, who live in Ohio, and my great aunt and some distant cousins. I have very little contact with any of them, but they're all fine, no problems.
My father left when I was little, he beat me and my mother, so I hate him. He never paid child support, and when I was about to graduate college, he sent me a letter giving me shit about changing my last name (from his to my mother's maiden name, legally), and to talk shit about my mother. Then at the end of the letter he wanted to know if I wanted a relationship with him, and that it's all down to me and I should have made the effort to have a relationship with him when I was a kid. Ummm...that's a fail. His one attempt at some kind of connection with me and he failed utterly. So he's out of the picture.
My mother's dead, and that's fine, she was nuts. My grandparents are all dead, they were nuts, too.
So that's it, no siblings or any other close relatives, just some distant ones who live their own lives and let me live my own. I have much affection for my great aunt, but she lives in Tennessee and I won't go there so I never see her.
So before all the deaths, family was pretty much a misery for me, now it's just fine. Now it's DH's family who makes me miserable, except for his father, whom I call "dad," which is weird because I never had anyone to call dad before. It just feels like a random word without much meaning. My father was always referred to as "my father," the man who failed me, never "dad."
My relationship with my family is the same as most of my relationships - mostly positive but sometimes I just need a break.
My family has a great relationship. I love my family. I love all three of my siblings, I love all of their spouses, I love my niece and my nephews, we all love our parents, my parents are still married and love all of us, including our spouses. Geographically, we're all spread out across the country (California, Colorado, Texas, Virginia, and Pennsylvania) but with the ease of facebook we all keep in touch pretty regularly.
I loved all of my grandparents. I was particularly close to my mom's mom (my grandma), but loved all of my grandparents and had a wonderful relationship with all of them. I've lost all of my grandparents now - 3 in just this last year and a half. But each of their funerals have been bittersweet reunions with extended family members, where we've been genuinely happy to see each other.
I feel truly blessed to have the kind of family I do.
Mine's pretty good but not large. My relationship with my mom is great, and my sister and I are close. I don't live near them but with my sister, we've been known to exchange up to 100 emails in one day at times. We talk constantly about everything. My father, well he has major issues and hardly anyone talks to him much, except my mother who has to live with him.
My BIL (sis' DH) is cool and we get along great too. Now for my in-laws, DH's dad and stepmom are awesome, his sister is alright but sucks at keeping in touch so I don't feel particularly close to her. I hate his mom with a passion and hope we can continue not speaking to her. His brother is alright but doesn't keep in touch much. When I'm around his family they feel close and close-knit, but on a daily basis not so much.
I don't really know my neices/nephews (all come from DH's siblings) I met them once and they were OK, they were worse when together but if you got them apart not so bad. And I could only handle them in VERY small doses. Just being around them could be SO exhausting! I don't know how parents do it. But they are getting older now, so next time we see them the dynamics should be a little different. I am just glad we don't live near them. I feel with DH's family it's best to not see them often or live near them. However with my mom/sis/BIL I could live next door and it would be great.
I only have one living grandparent who I remember but is estranged, he has weird issues, I don't recall him ever talking to me. My parent's living siblings are jerks and I have no contact with them. I have cousins who are OK but they SUCK at keeping in touch and are pretty selfish/conceited so I really don't hear from them, except one who will check in with us a little more often.
I feel that if my sister/BIL lived in the same town or very close to DH and I, I would not even bother making other friends. I'd spend all my time with them. Probably sounds sad but when she is around I don't really feel the need to bother with other people.
I'm an only child, so no siblings to deal with. Both parents were just over/under 40 when they had me and are both gone now. Their siblings and nieces/nephews do not have contact with me. So essentially I have no family to deal with.
My immediate family is great. I am lucky to have them. For the most part we get along and we rarely have issues.
BUT my extended family is just shy of a nightmare. Suffice it to say, I do not like to visit with them during the holidays...
i am an only child too and don't have a big family. My mom was from France so I did not see my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins more than every other year(we would go there). I did not feel like I fit in well with them, plus the language barrier(my dad did not know French, and I understood more than I could speak it). My mom died when I was 21 and my dad met his future 2nd wife 5 months later. She was good for him, in that she insisted they have an active social life, and enjoyed traveling. But there are always step-mom issues I wont get into here. My dad started going to a men's group and now he has a core group of male friends he did not have when my mom was alive, and that is fantastic for him. We are pretty close, but live 300 miles away. I am close to my youngest cousin(son of my dad's sister), but he has been in the Army or other service for most of his life, so he never has lived close by, but we are very compatible. I like his wife, and their young kids(which is good, since it can be hard for me to get along with kids).
I am fortunate to have great in-laws. We lived near them for 6 years. DH has 2 sisters and a brother. Sure there were challenges(one sister has mental illness, for one)but overall, I felt welcomed into this family and feel good about that. When I hear about mother-in-law issues I am glad that mine is like "we like who you are, what you do, being here for our son" etc.
noelle Wrote:i am an only child too and don't have a big family. My mom was from France so I did not see my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins more than every other year(we would go there). I did not feel like I fit in well with them,
This is exactly my story.
I still have family in France (grandparents are dead, but I have an aunt, uncle, and ex-aunt, plus 3 cousins and their kids. I haven't seen any of them in many, many years. My mom and dad used to keep in touch with them, but my mom died 2 years ago and I don't think my dad talks to them that often anymore.
My dad's family is in the U.S. and I am on fairly good terms with them, but we don't see each other that often. My grandmother (dad's mother) and I were very close. She died 2 years ago. I really miss her. My cousins all live in NY, and my aunt & uncle are in NJ, but I hardly ever see them.
I wouldn't mind being closer to both sides of my family, but I don't have the motivation to do anything about it.
MY dad got remarried a couple months ago. She is nice, and they seem happy together, but since they got married I don't hear from him that often. After my mom died, he was very clingy and was calling me a lot, which is weird because he was never like that with me before, but once he started dating this woman (who is actually his first wife, long story) they started jet-setting all over the globe.
I'm an only child. Both parents are dead. I have a living aunt and uncle, both divorced. We are in touch, and I am in touch with many of my cousins (my mother was #6 of 11) all over the country. I don't live near any of them, and I like it that way. We meet up now and then for a funeral. That's all.
My spouse has a brother and he has four kids. My BIL, SIL and three nephews are all idiots. One niece and one grand-niece are fairly normal. We try to avoid everyone else.
I am estranged from them.
I am a Sagittarius, and we can take or leave our families. That describes me to a T! I like them when I go see them, or they go see me, but I don't pine for them, and up to the point I actually arrive, I'm usually wishing I had stayed home.
They're all right, and they're even fun at times -- but I prefer being in my own home, and doing my own thing, with Dh and my dog.
I love my mother and my sister dearly. We are pretty close... well, okay, clannishly so. But I find I often feel like a real black sheep, even with them. They are very similar to one another and I'm different from them. They are very emotional and kind of feed off one another and I'm much more logical and it annoys them to no end. They live a couple of blocks away from one another, and I live in a different neighbourhood. They see each other often, I see them less so. I see my sister more than I see my mom, but that's because Am and I like shopping and mom is very stubborn.
My dad is still in the picture (lives with my mom) but he doesn't bother much with me. He picks up the extension when I phone there and I guess we talk a lot (more than a few times a week) but he doesn't participate in my life at all and that bothers me, so I don't participate in his.
I am planning on moving across the country in the next few years, and I won't miss them. That sounds harsher than I meant it -- I really truly don't 'miss' things or people. I love new experiences and places and I thrive on change. They do not. My sister told me last summer when I went away for four months, she burst into tears when I left. I had no idea. I was just going on vacation. I thought they'd be happy I was fulfilling a lifelong dream, but like I said, they are emotional and I am not, so I actually truly don't get it. Everytime I've left (I lived in Toronto, Iqaluit, and then the road trip last year) I didn't cry when I left. I was happy to go.
Oh, as for extended family, none of them bother with me at all. A couple of cousins are friends on Facebook and ONE aunt (who is actually certifiable) does call me from time to time, and I love her for it and appreciate her. It bothers me A LOT that my family doesn't bother with me. I wish they did, but I can't make them, and I guess, to be fair, I don't bother with them. It's chicken and egg.
I have three sisters. I'm quite close with two of them. I'd say they are my closest friends. Their DH's are OK - one I like a lot, the other I'm a bit cooler on. One has kids and they are great kids - I enjoy their company and seek them out. My third sister lives on the other side of the country - we aren't close and I see her once every two years.
My parents and I are very close. I love visiting them and talk on the phone with them regularly.
We are also close to J's family, although there have been bumps in the road relating to their relationship to his wife, of course. We spend time with and visit them regularly.
I value my relationship with my family and his family. When it comes down to it, that's who I expect to be there.
BTW, Tommy - this is OT - but seeing as you are still single, let me please renew my urging that you consider joining a gym. Today happens to have been our last day at the gym - we have joined a new place starting tomorrow. Three people at the gym gave us their phone numbers and email addresses so we could stay in touch. (A fourth we already have.) And we were only members there for one year - it can be done - you can make friends at a gym. You can also find love - that's where I met J, after all.
I am on so-so terms with the family. It's a long story but they pretty much cast me out of the family for two years. Didn't care if I lived or died. I got pretty depressed about it but decided to quit waiting for validation that might not come. They changed their tune but by that time they had become strangers to me and to be honest I really had no great desire to get to know them again. I am on fairly good terms with one sister and her DH who lived out of town during the whole thing but I still don't talk to them very often. I talk to dad on the phone a few times a year and we go out to dinner with him and his SO ocassionally. He always mentions having us down to the boat but never follows through with an invitation, so after ten years I've given up waiting. I guess after he and my Aunt (his sister) die I will have no cause to see or speak to any member of my family ever again.
DH is only close to one sibling -- a brother but he lives in Houston so we rarely see them. His other brother is druggie who's wife is in prison. His kids are in foster care. He calls only when he has some legal issue so we avoid him. I get along great with DH's mom and we see more of her lately because her common-law husband recently died.
I get along great with my dad and his side of the family, but my mom and her side of the family are a whole 'nother story.
My dad and I have similar personalities and interests, while my mom and I are polar opposites. She is so critical and bitter, just like her mother (my grandmother), who I avoid at all costs.
As far as the in-laws go, we are very distant. My husband is not close to his family and I feel no urge to get to know them. They are just not interesting and overall rather annoying, so I'm grateful we only have to make a few obligatorily visits per year.
PrairieGirl Wrote:I am a Sagittarius, and we can take or leave our families. That describes me to a T! I like them when I go see them, or they go see me, but I don't pine for them, and up to the point I actually arrive, I'm usually wishing I had stayed home.
They're all right, and they're even fun at times -- but I prefer being in my own home, and doing my own thing, with Dh and my dog.
Same here! (home w/ the cats for me, though).....
It is funny because I have always been the family member that was really flexible with everything/plans/etc......
I never cared where we vacationed, where we ate meals, what was ordered, what we saw, what time we did this or that.............but now that I am older, I have been speaking up
occasionally and 'The Family' is not taking very kindly to it....mostly a Cousin and my sister.
What has happened with my family now is that everyone wants it
their way, so nothing gets planned because nobody is ever happy with the plans OR someone is mad and not talking to someone, so vacations aren't planned or are canceled.
Example:
My mom came to visit for 12 days. The original plan was my mom would spend 6 days w/ my sis and 6 days w/ me, but my sister couldn't accommodate this (at the last minute of course), so my mom stayed w/ my sister for 3 days & 9 days w/ me.
The 3 days w/ my sister, my sister made plans for everything, but didn't bother to ask me (or my mom) about
anything.
(Hey, sis
had to get her work-outs in every day, go to evening movies and see her boyfriend...that is waaaay more important than being with an aging mother w/ health issues that is only visiting for 12 days), anyway.....
The days that my mom stayed w/ me, I tried to make plans with my sister , but she was always too tiiiiirrrred OR when we did make plans, she looked as bored as possible because she didn't get to pick everything.
My mom doesn't visit often and I was
really pissed that my sister couldn't make more of an effort to be with her. My mom actually planned the visit to be w/ my sister because my sister just finished her PhD, but I ended up entertaining and being with my mom the vast majority of the time. Thankfully, I was fine with that because I LOVE my mom so much.
My sister was a total bitch about the whole thing.
My family is fucked up, in a nutshell.
Two cousins haven't spoken to one another for several years, so that messes up plans with my Mom and my Aunt. My sister will basically only do what she wants. My sister and a cousin do not speak, so that messes up plans.
My dad is really fun and really active, but he is so incredibly inflexible and can't loosen up, so if something is late/early, it ruins everything because it puts him in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
My other Aunt won't leave the house with my Uncle because they have 9 cats and she has such anxiety over leaving the cats (even w/ a cat sitter).
My Multi-Millionaire Uncle won't go anywhere because he doesn't want to spend his precious money.
I could go on and on and on.........and don't even get me started on DH's family.
My parents are gone. I have one twin sister who I don't get along with very well. Her husband is a big ass and their boys are beginning to sound and act just like him. She lives in CA and I live in NM. I am glad we are far apart. We talk every once in a while. I have to make a conscious effort not to get involved in her crap.
I have a very old aunt on my father's side who is cold and distant. She prefers that way. Really weird.
I have a second cousin I refer to as my aunt. I like her. She is warm, funny, and friendly, but I rarely talk to her.
I have a few cousins in Monterrey, N.L., Mexico that I don't keep in touch with. I think it is because I don't have kids to talk about with them.
My husband's family is quite odd. They all live in CA. My MIL lives in NV. I have a hard time understanding them. But it is all good because we usually have a good laugh at all the weirdness both our families pull. We keep tallies. When someone does something weird, we give them a tally mark and see who is ahead. After I question and talk about it, I end up thinking it is really funny. What else can do but get a laugh out of their ridiculous behavior.
During the holidays I make sure I keep up with my soap opera, I consider them my normal family. (Ha, Ha) I wished I had family that I related to in a warm and nurturing way, but it just wasn't meant to be.
I had to bump this thread cause of recent events in my life.
Now that my mother is gone and my father has been gone since 1956
My only immediate family other then my DH is my only brother.
He is 3 years & 9 months older then me to which he always held that fact over my head.
But irregardless of that fact we never got along.
As a child he abused me
As an adult we barely speak to each other.
We converse a few times with E mails
But he always signs his name with his initial. R
I mean WTF is that all about?
But that is only rhetorical I don't really care.
I know nothing about the man.
His birthday was yesterday and I had clue as to what to get him.
He knows nothing about my life, and I know nothing of his.
And once mothers house is sold and gone we will be estranged forever.
But if he thinks he is getting a kidney off of me one day he will be in sad shape.
Cause I am sorry, I don't believe in fair weather friends or family.
One day you decide to say something civil & be nice and then ignore me for another decade, just won't cut it with me.
Plus he is just an annoying self absorbed, conceited, arrogant, cold fish. That has no regard for peoples feelings, and on top of that he is an unemployed dentist.
Well when you have the personality as I just described, you can see why he is unemployed,lol.
But nevertheless he is now the only family member left alive. ( other then in-laws)
And sadly, I still have to deal with him till I get my due.
As he is the head Trustee of the estate and in charge of all funds.
My parents had children and it destroyed them.
I'm sorry they ever met, let alone married and had children. Having kids was the worst mistake they ever made.
Listening to my father piss and moan aloud that he wishes he would have gotten his ass shot off in Vietnam instead of meeting my mother and all that occurred thereafter (especially the youthfully ignorant creation of my now-36 year-old 3x-breeder brother, who they enable to no end and who thus is more worthless than bull tits) is not conducive to one's mental health, to say the least.
At least I am childfree and won't be repeating the ghastly mistakes of my parents.