We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

Marriage

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.
-----------------

I can relate to the children 'stuff', that is for sure! Interesting about the employment status and gender.

This makes sense. I've learned from my marriage that it doesn't just fall in place and work itself out after I do. It takes more than love and that romance crap to keep it going. Compromise, work, etc.

And no kids! Ha ha, I just added that tidbit myself.

What a surprise -- love alone doesn't make a marriage work. I suppose if you take your romantic advice from the Beatles, you are shocked and horrified -- but it's no surprise to the rest of us!

I've also heard that having a similar educational attainment is a factor, although I'm hoping to defy that one...

catsnotkids Wrote:I've also heard that having a similar educational attainment is a factor, although I'm hoping to defy that one...

Same here!

I think the education "rule" is more about mindset. Educated people are more inquisitive about the world, and open-minded (generally speaking). An uneducated person can be those things.

And speaking of open-minded, when the imbalance is in favor of the woman -- especially with regard to pay -- you really need that open-minded man. Life is hell, if you live with a man who thinks it's his god-given right to earn more than you -- and if it's an uneducated bumpkin on top of that, it just gets worse.

Agreed PG, it's more about how you view the world and how much you want to learn from it than the actual degrees that a person attains. I have known people who had jobs that didn't sound very impressive but they were smart, inquisitive, and fun to be around. Similarly, I have known people who had really impressive jobs requiring degrees and yet they were bores.

No matter what, the most important part was how they reacted to my having a good education and a nice job. Some react with "Oh, you must be so smart!" or "That's an impressive job!" and it's awkward. I'm happy with "That must be a lot of fun" or asking specific questions, but sometimes people seem to view me differently as them and that just doesn't work. I can't explain it very well, but I know it when it happens.

Interesting theory about the education (and earning more money than the man) factor.

Personally, if I HAD to date, my biggest turnoff would be a woman who isn't intellectual. If her idea of reading were Harlequin romance novels and nothing else or god help me, not even reading at all, there's no way I'd associate with her. I remember sitting in a lounge at the college I worked at and a student was near me and remarked to her friends that she used Linux. That definitely grabbed my attention because a person who uses Linux probably has some brain cells. Her friend said it was too hard to figure out that stuff. The friend was much more physically attractive but I was drawn to the girl using Linux.

As for the money issue, I'd have no problem with her making more money than me. My attitude towards money is weird because honestly it's all just numbers on paper. If I could, I'd be a kept man and not have to deal with finance at all.