We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

What's the rudest or most shocking experience you've had with someone regarding your CF status? Tell your horror stories here!

Nothing so horrifying. I've had the usual psychic shocks when I hear that "I'll change my mind", that sort of thing.

My dad telling me there was no point in my being born if I wasn't going to have kids, and that I'm not a real woman if I don't have any. Also that I should have one and give it to him.

Dana Wrote:My dad telling me there was no point in my being born if I wasn't going to have kids, and that I'm not a real woman if I don't have any. Also that I should have one and give it to him.

Damn Dana, that's pretty fucked up. I'm so sorry you had to hear such awful things, from your own dad no less.

The worst was at a job where we had to travel across the state to install computers. There was a secretary who was very christian and very kid oriented having several children. She was in charge of scheduling who went where. People who didn't have kids, especially those who were vocal about not wanting them were always sent to the crappiest locations where there was nothing to do and in addition we were sent every week to travel. People with kids didn't have to travel overnight unless it was someplace "cool" where they could take the family on a vacation. I pointed this out to a manager who didn't have kids and he dropped the hammer on her so for once actually had to travel while the childless (and childfree) got to stay home.

The discrimination was blatant I might add. We were supposed to travel 3 out of 4 weeks and this was clearly explained to us. I kept track and found out that in 12 weeks of travel, all of the people without kids traveled the entire 12 weeks while the people with kids had not gone more than 4 of the 12 weeks and of those 4 weeks they were all in areas with nice places to go to. That's fair. Maybe I'd like to do more than sit in a crappy Motel 6 watching lousy television for a week.

WonderWoman Wrote:

Dana Wrote:My dad telling me there was no point in my being born if I wasn't going to have kids, and that I'm not a real woman if I don't have any. Also that I should have one and give it to him.

Damn Dana, that's pretty fucked up. I'm so sorry you had to hear such awful things, from your own dad no less.

Thanks. Everyone pretty much pushed it under the rug. I don't care we all know he's mental as can be.

Dana, that is messed up.

Since I am an only child, I have gotten hit with "But you are your mom's only chance to have grandchildren." Oddly, my mother is mostly cool with the fact that I don't have kids and is proud of me for knowing my limitations.

I think I have mentioned that my middle SIL's husband said something about 10 minutes after meeting him for the first time. Something to the effect of when was I going to give DH babies/get knocked up or whatever. I told him when DH gave birth to the first one, then I would consider it. (Not polite, but he was pretty crass with the question.)

My MIL... esh, I could write a book. She practically demanded a grandchild within the first year of our marriage. Nope, it ain't going to happen. Even if I wasn't CF before, I would have been because of her. She has 6 grandkids from the two elder sisters and 4 from the youngest sister. Even before MIL disowned youngest SIL, MIL only gave gifts to the oldest child of youngest SIL and ignored the other 3.

There is a guy at the one farmer's market who has said something twice to me about us not having kids. Mostly that it was my wifely duty to my husband. Made me want to ask what his duty was to me of equal value.

Nothing like the above(sorry Dana)
Once someone did say there was no point to life if you didn't have kids. Thankfully this was not a relative or even a close friend.
Another told me if I waited too long, it would be too hard. WTF, after I said I didn't want any.

About 7 years ago when I thought I was getting a lay-off notice a woman at work(who did get laid off) told me it didn't matter if I lost my job because I didn't have kids! So you only need jobs and money if you have kids...I'll be sure to let my mortgage company know.

Of course the standard you'll change your mind, or you're being selfish.

I lost a friend when she became a parent. The backstory: She got pregnant by accident because she had this crazy idea that her body "needed a rest" from BCPs one month each year. She dodged the bullet her first year but got knocked up the second time she went off. (She had been married for several years at that point, but they had not yet planned on having kids.) I listened to her bitch an moan all nine months. She was sick. She couldn't tolerate smells. She was fat. She was bloated. She was moody. She was irritable. Yadda yadda yadda. I was a good friend and very supportive.

After she gave birth, the mommy hormones kicked in and it was baby baby baby all the time. She and her husband came back to our hometown for the holidays and visited DH and me in our home. Of course baby came too and crawled all over our house. She had the gall to stand in my living room and say, "You must not really love your husband if you don't want to give him a baby." I also got, "This really cements our marriage and shows our true love for one another" and "I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't want to do this. It's the best thing ever!"

About a month later, I got the call. "Now that I'm a parent, we've grown apart. I've changed and grown so much as a person. We really don't have anything in common anymore." We have not spoken since then, and it's been 16 years. The schadenfreude fairy has visited me a couple of times since, however: once when, after nearly dying in childbirth for Baby #2, she informed her husband that there would be no more children much to his consternation (he wanted a house full of kids), and then again when I read of her divorce. I would not wish tragedy on anyone, but after putting up with her sanctimonious bullshit, I just found it very interesting that having kids didn't turn out to be all she trumpeted it would be.

Dune, I'm sorry I would have snickered a bit about the divorce. I woulda been a bitch and said, "but I thought the baby cemented your marriage?" HA HA! Ok Maybe not say it but thought it.

If a baby "cements" a marriage, why are there so many divorced parents?

I had a "friend" tell me that I failed at being a human being since I wouldn't have kids.

I was at a party with my now ex-BF, his sister and her longtime BF, George. During the party George kept harrassing me about not wanting kids, telling me I'd change my mind and that my biological clock would kick in when I was in my 30s. Throughout the evening he kept calling out "tick-tock-tick-tock" to me and then laughing hysterically.

I totally lost it on the guy and told him off. This actually ended my relationship with BF's sister. First she insisted that I apologize and after I did she ended up never forgiving me. Good riddance! Last I heard about her she has two kids - a mutual friend went to lunch with them and the 2yo was glued to a video iPod the whole time.

Dana Wrote:Dune, I'm sorry I would have snickered a bit about the divorce. I woulda been a bitch and said, "but I thought the baby cemented your marriage?" HA HA! Ok Maybe not say it but thought it.

If a baby "cements" a marriage, why are there so many divorced parents?

well, the baby does cement a marriage.....it's just that the marriage is a float in the ocean, and well, we all know what happens if you attach a cement block around someones waist in the ocean......

Amongst other horrible things that my ex-landlord said, "Because you have no husband or children you must be on of those lesbians and we can't have THOSE kind of people around here, so we are getting you out of here as soon as possible."

People are rude, huh?

I always get the usual bingos: "You'll change our mind", "Who will take care of you when you are old", "You never know what love is until you have a child", etc...........

Years ago, my dad told me that many of his relatives figured I was a lesbian because I wasn't married yet and because I didn't have kids. The sad thing is, even my dad kinda started talking that way. And what is wrong if I am a lesbian? Geez.

DHs family has also given me grief (through the grape-vine). They tell DH stuff, like, how "weird" I am and always ask, "What in the heck does she do with all of her time?" because they know that he will tell me.
I never acknowledge that he has told me, so they don't get any gratification from their little stunts.

I haven't gotten too much crap about it beyond the standard bingoisms. But I did witness a horrible incident.

I was at a convention 6 years ago and I was sitting at a lunch table with about 5-6 other people. Somehow the topic of kids came up, and a young woman (age 26) said that she was not ready to have kids yet and wasn't sure if she wanted them at all. I said that I did not want kids either, and something about that it was good that she didn't rush into it.

Then an older man jumped in on the conversation and started giving the young woman shit for not having kids yet. I was totally taken aback by this, because IMO age 26 is still pretty freaking young!

He started ranting and raving about how his life was so hard, and his parents didn't want him, but luckily when he was a teen he found a mentor and that changed his life. And WHO was SHE to judge what kind of life her kids would have, because even if she didn't want them or thought she couldn't afford them, there would definitely be someone in their life to help them!

I am totally paraphrasing, because I can't remember his exact words, but it was totally illogical and nutty. Just because HIS life had turned out OK, he was extrapolating and assuming that everyone's life was exactly like his.

The poor woman kept trying to get a word in edgewise, saying that she just wasn't sure if she wanted kids YET, but he kept jumping all over her every time she opened her mouth.

And every time I tried to jump in on the conversation to support her, he completely ignored me and acted like I wasn't there! I'm not sure if it's because I was the only white person at the table and he therefore didn't want to talk to me, or if he was just unable to focus on more than one person at a time, or what. But I can still remember how annoyed I was afterwards.

I occasionally wonder whatever happened to that young woman and whether or not she gave in to the pressure to have kids.

When I was a teenager, my mother once told me I was selfish, and I asked her how selfish it would be for the child to have a mother who didn't want it, and would she be interested in raising it for me? After that, I never heard a word, probably because she thought I was psycho and shouldn't have them.

And a variety of people have said things like, "Good! If you don't want them, you shouldn't have them!" as if that were an insult. and then I agreed with them and they were totally baffled. They do want to insult us, but they really just can't. It's like using "gay" as an insult. How is that an insult?

eslbee Wrote:And a variety of people have said things like, "Good! If you don't want them, you shouldn't have them!" as if that were an insult. and then I agreed with them and they were totally baffled. They do want to insult us, but they really just can't. It's like using "gay" as an insult. How is that an insult?

I've heard worse. I had this rabidly christian type tell me she hoped I had ten kids because it would set me straight. Yeah, you want me to have way too many kids that I don't want in order to fulfill your ideal of what a family is. Right.

Only a totally deluded lunatic would sacrifice ten potential humans to the concept of heterosexuality. What did you say to her, Eddy?

"Yeah, that'll happen."