We Kid You Not Childfree Forums

I know parents talk about this all the time, but it sure does affect CF couples too!

A female CF friend of mine and I are among the hardest workers in our department. We both serve on a gazillion committees and often end up picking up slack for colleagues who don't do their fair share of the work. One thing we've both noticed is that it's too easy for work to start taking over our lives. In her case, her husband's job is lower stress and fewer hours, so he is complaining about her not having enough time for him at home.

In my case, DH has the same job as I do, but at a different college and in a different field. We are both getting eaten alive by all the work. I for one am damned tired of working seven days a week. Since I'm at the top of my rank and at an established college, I have the option of saying no to some things. (I would probably need a straitjacket if I couldn't!) DH, however, is not as lucky. He has gotten his first promotion, so he still has two more to go. He's also at a new college, so that means a lot of work getting things ready for accreditation and a new campus opening. He feels as if he can't say no.

I am so relieved that the end of the term is coming. I am teaching an accelerated class right after this, but it's only one class and I have most of the prep work already completed. DH will be off for a few weeks and can finally catch up on reading, sleep, and household stuff we've been putting off. We also have a trip to Orlando planned once my class is finished. All of this can't come soon enough.

I guess the thing that pisses me off the most (besides the toll this is taking) is the reason things are this way to begin with, at least at my college. I have far too many childed female colleagues who get out of doing their fair share because of their parental duties. The vast majority of the male parents do their share of carpooling, day care pickup, and soccer games, but they coordinate with their wives/exes to ensure that they can stay for meetings and get their work done. It's the women who always have some excuse involving their kids or grandkids. They can't come in. They have to leave early. If they show up to the afternoon meeting, it's with kid(s) in tow. They can't come to X because it's in the evening or on the weekend and would cut into their family time. They agree to do Y for the committee and don't come through. Guess who gets the call then?

Damnit, I have a family and a life too!

I guess I'm pretty lucky. My department is filled with child-free/childless colleagues (the women at least), while the men with children have SHM or under-employed wives. I don't think anyone in the department uses kids as an excuse, which is great! But we are lucky -- our department head believes in work-life balance, and so he makes sure no one is overloaded with committees, advising, whatever.

It does not matter if you have a traditional family or not. You are allowed to have a life outside of work. They only get you for X number of hours a week. For evening doings, sorry you have: library board, non-profit agency board or volunteer time, scheduled activities with extended familes, etc. For weekend time: church, social groups, again library or other boards, bake or jumble sales, extended family get-togethers. In other words, it is time to say NO! Sorry, but you already had Y and Z planned and have committed to it.

We get up in the morning, eat, commute, work, come home, eat, have a few hours to spend before bedtime and that's about it. It is tiring for me & DH. I am considering getting a part-time job instead(but hiring freeze is coming up at that hospital, so I am becoming less hopeful). I am even toying with quitting all together, doing something else. We don't have a mortgage, car payments or kids, so we don't have to have my income(we live modestly). The drawback is I wouldn't be able save as much for retirement, but DH has done pretty well in that department.