So I thought I'd come see if I'm the only gay person in this group. I'm sure I'm not! It's not very PC these days, even in gay circles, to not want children, and even worse to not LIKE them. At least that's my experience. What's yours? Also, did your family and friends quit bugging you about having kids when they found out you were gay?
I think I may be the only other gay person on this board, oddly enough. I came out late in life, and by the time I finally came out to my parents, they had already accepted the fact that I wasn't having kids. They had pretty much stopped bugging me about it when my siblings started sprogging. When I came out to my sister, she asked if that was the reason I didn't want kids. Of course I explained that, no, my lack of maternal desire is a completely separate issue from my orientation, and that I had chosen to remain CF long before I realized I was gay.
I almost feel like I don't really "qualify" as a lesbian because even though I'm only attracted to women, I'm in a hetero relationship. I was really naive and didn't figure things out until a few years ago, after a very happy decade with my husband. I left him about a year ago to strike out on my own and live the life that I thought I had missed out on, only to realize that he really is the one I want to be with despite his gender. It's kind of a long story, probably deserves its own post.
Oh and by the way, welcome to the board! This is really a great group of people, it's like an extended family.
Also, sometimes people don't necessarily want to be out on a given board. Since I'm out everywhere, I'm out here. I am frequently startled to find anyone is IN. Because I live in academia, I don't meet an awful lot of backward, prejudiced people. But there are still some situations where it is actually dangerous to be honest. I don't blame people who find themselves stuck there, like in the military. There's a HUGE differeence between shame and fear. There are crazy nutballs in this world who would still kill a gay person and think nothing of it.
*bump*
I identify as gay, although on very rare occasions I'm attracted to men. But all of my relationships in the past seven years have been of the female-female variety. I'm out to everyone. Just lately I'm becoming frustrated, though, because I keep dating women who want kids! Argh, pretty much a dealbreaker.
As I think I said on another thread, this is even a problem for us as senior citizens, because now lesbians are becoming not only parents, but grandparents, and we don't reaaly give a rat's patootie about your squalling grand-brats, either.
I married to a man, but I consider myself pansexual, which means I'm attracted to the person inside not what sex they are. (people don't usually know what it means so a lot of times I just say I'm Bi) I'm attracted to both women and men. I have told DH and some of my friends. It does cause confusion in people sometimes as they assume I'm not monogamous or something.
I was afraid to post here but I decided I would.
I am asexual. I have no interest in sexual matters male or female. It's the least known "alternative sexuality" that exists. Everyone knows about gays and lesbians even if it is a false ideal, but nobody knows about asexuals.
I know you're not alone, Eddy. Questions from people who think they are asexual, or think they may know someone who is, turn up in advice columns all the time. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We're all wired differently.
Hey
I'm bi, so I figured I would jump in here. Hope that's OK.
I live in a very rural, farming, type area, so its assumed that since I'm almost 40 I must be a grandmother (gag) and that I should be welcoming the men hitting on me (gag). So far all the men have been chain smoking single dads looking for a second mama for their gaggles. (gag) If there is an active GLBT community up here, they're hiding it well. The "active" pagan scene up here is, well, pathetic really.
(10-05-2009 08:57 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]I was afraid to post here but I decided I would.
I am asexual. I have no interest in sexual matters male or female. It's the least known "alternative sexuality" that exists. Everyone knows about gays and lesbians even if it is a false ideal, but nobody knows about asexuals.
That is very interesting to know. Thank you for sharing that. I think I know someone who may also be asexual. I'm straight so I can't really identify with any of you but I'm glad we are all open enough to be able to discuss these types of things.
(10-06-2009 11:21 AM)jmk3482 Wrote: [ -> ] (10-05-2009 08:57 PM)Eddy Wrote: [ -> ]I was afraid to post here but I decided I would.
I am asexual. I have no interest in sexual matters male or female. It's the least known "alternative sexuality" that exists. Everyone knows about gays and lesbians even if it is a false ideal, but nobody knows about asexuals.
That is very interesting to know. Thank you for sharing that. I think I know someone who may also be asexual. I'm straight so I can't really identify with any of you but I'm glad we are all open enough to be able to discuss these types of things.
I will second that. I didn't think much about asexuality before Eddy and a few others on the board discussed this. It also made me think about the over-sexualization of everything in this culture, also that there wasn't anything wrong with me if I didn't want to have sex with DH every Saturday night(there is an expectation out there that you want to do it whenever possible).
(10-06-2009 11:53 AM)noelle Wrote: [ -> ]I will second that. I didn't think much about asexuality before Eddy and a few others on the board discussed this. It also made me think about the over-sexualization of everything in this culture, also that there wasn't anything wrong with me if I didn't want to have sex with DH every Saturday night(there is an expectation out there that you want to do it whenever possible).
It's very true. Sex is used to sell everything and people are gullible enough to believe that a new car will make you better looking.
I know several people who identify as asexual.
Eddy, I agree with you about sex being used to sell everything. It's annoying.
I'm straight and "active," but I'm not all that "INTO" sex, if you know what I mean. I enjoy what I have, but it's not all that important to me.
Jen M.
I have no identification. And I don't mean I'm pansexual or bisexual, just that I don't know anymore. I used to identify as pansexual but now I'm starting to question that and question myself. And yet I'm answering this thread when I don't even know what the hell I am. Eh.
Well, talking can sometimes help you to figure things out.
Jen
Ok so I was going to ask what a Pansexual was. But I did not want to get any snide reply of "why don't you look it up"
So I did. I looked up Wikipedia &
This is what I found
Quote:Pansexuality
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Pansexuality (also referred to as omnisexuality or polisexuality)[1] refers to the potential for sexual attractions, sexual desire, or romantic love, towards people of all gender identities and biological sexes.[2][3] Some self-identified pansexuals refer to themselves as gender-blind—that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[4] The Oxford English Dictionary writes that pansexuality "encompasses all kinds of sexuality; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or activity."[5] Pansexuality can also mean the attraction to a person's personality, rather than their physical appearance or gender.
The concept of pansexuality deliberately rejects the gender binary, the idea that there are only two genders,[6] as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women.[7]
WTF There are only 2 genders MALE & FEMALE OR MAN & WOMAN
Is there a third gender I don't know about? Is it called the missing link? LOL Or how about just a GOAT? Or maybe a Cow or a Horse? LMAO
WTF There is no 3rd gender. About the only person that may be qualified to fill that role is a Hermaphrodite. So if pansexual means that your in love with Hermaphrodites . Then so be it.
But I think its just some new yuppie term for being Bisexual. IMHO of course.
I just don't understand why there is a need to label people
Especially with this term!
In my day
you were called Bi or bisexual. Which ment you liked both sexes! And that is all that there is BOTH, as in 2.
Now a Man can want to be a woman or vice versa and make themselves opposite of what they were originally born as And more power to them.. But its still one or the other.
"ONLY TWO ONLY TWO"
( a slice of pie for anyone that can reference that quote)
Well that is my
FWIW
TW:
I identify as 'genderqueer' which means I am not comfortable with the gender binary (the idea that there are only two genders) and I think I'm somewhere in the grey area. There are not just two.
I think you are confusing gender and sexuality.
Sexuality is who you are ATTRACTED to. You can be attracted to men, women, both, neither... identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual... Pansexuals are attracted to people, not gender. Asexuals are attracted to no one, regardless of gender.
Sex is often how you were sexed at birth, that is to say, quite obviously, what is between your legs. Contrary to what you think, there are not just two sexes (although most infants are sexed as one or the other upon a cursory glance of the genitals). Some are born female (XX chromosome), some male (XY chromosome) and some are born INTERSEX. This is a variation on the binary. You could have XXXY chromosomes or some combination of that. You could have a vagina and undescended testicles. You can have the physical anatomy of both a male and a female. In the old days, they called this hermaphrodite. The new politically correct term is 'intersex'. It's waaaaay more common than you think. Also, hormones play into this. Some women have very high testosterone levels, for example.
Gender is who you ARE. It is described as "What is between the ears". It's how you identify. No one can tell you what gender you are... only you know that. The term "cisgendered" (Pronounced Siss-gendered) is for people who feel good about the body they were born into -- that is to say they were born in a female-sexed body and identify as female. They may be straight or a lesbian, but they are cisgendered.
I (for example) don't fall into this category. Some genderqueer people (or gender fluid or gender variant) people fall into what is called "transgendered", that is to say they identify as the OTHER gender, and often will dress or get surgeries so their body matches their brain. Someone like me (for example) is 'tomboyish' or goes by a gender-neutral name or doesn't mind if I get mistaken for a male... stuff like that. I'm somewhere in the middle, and I get actually angry about things like my period or my breasts. It seems unfair that I am saddled with them. A lot of women LIKE their bodies, and like their cycles. I don't. Male-bodied genderqueers are often called 'femmes' or seem very un-masculine. They may wear makeup or not, act effeminate or not. I have a gender variant friend who looks and acts VERY male and he was born male. But his brain is not wired like other males.
TW, just so you know, everything you wrote above would be considered VERY offensive to anyone who doesn't abide by the gender binary. I am not a goat, and I don't know what that has to do with anything. Nor am I intersex (hermaphrodite, as you say, but again, that is politically incorrect). I only have XX chromosomes (just recently had a DNA test, too, so that's pretty certain), however my gender is between my ears, not my legs. I am only attracted to males, so to the outside world, I appear to be a cisgendered heterosexual female, but I am not.
Not everything is black and white. Not everything is that simple, just because you don't like the idea of grey area.
The easiest way to get it might be to imagine something that you are/take for granted... say married to Bob. Imagine if that were considered completely abnormal and freakish and people called you a goat because they didn't understand. Say you lived in a society where ONLY women married women, and you were married to a man and ridiculed for it. It's just basic empathy.
Jo, what a thoughtful intelligent reply. I couldn't even begin to say anything in response, in part because it made me rather angry from the start...
Thanks Zig.
OK I was Joking about the goats and other animals.
And I am sorry, But I do have my opinions too. But to cover my a$$ I will apologise to everyone who felt slighted over a silly joke.
Anyway, my opinion is all this gender in your head stuff is just too
"out there" for me.
So to be fair about it all. I looked up the word "Gender" at Dictionary.com and now I do stand corrected.
There are 3 Genders, not two as I originally thought.
Man, woman, & Neuter. So, again I apologise for my blunder it won't happen again.
But, just FYI I will never bow down to being P.C for anyone.
Sorry!
But FYI I never judge anyone either. To each their own.
And if a man wants to dress like a woman or vice verse then so be it.
What consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is none of my business.
I just don't understand why there is a need to label people.