12-04-2008, 02:26 PM
Five Wrong Reasons to Have a Baby
Why your marriage might not be ready for mommy and daddyhood.
By Liz Zack
Ready to toss the birth control? Hold on for just one second. Baby-making is a pretty big deal — before you and your spouse start trying to add another member to the family, take some time to carefully examine your motives. Yes, there are hundreds of great reasons to have a kid...but there are some not-so-great reasons too. From TheBump.com, here are the five biggest clues that you aren't quite ready yet.
Wrong Reason 1: You Need Something New to Obsess Over
Now that the wedding planning is over, what will you do with all your free time? Suddenly, there's a strong urge to fill it with another big project. Don't mistake boredom with baby cravings. Take up a hobby, whether it's searching for houses online or learning how to wallpaper your bathroom. Sure, you've proven that you can stick with something and follow it through to the end, but get the most out of this free time (and alone time) while you have it.
Wrong Reason 2: You're Freaked Out About Fertility
No matter how well we know our bodies, most of us don't really know about a fundamental aspect of our health — our ability to conceive — until we actually start to try. It's this nagging feeling that makes us anxious to jump into the baby ring. But take some of the pressure off yourselves and let nature take its course. Some couples have to wait awhile to conceive, some get pregnant on the first try, and some get pregnant without even trying! Assume the best and only start the process when you're truly ready to hear the pitter-patter of little feet in the house.
Wrong Reason 3: Everyone Is Having Them
Come on. What's that saying about all your friends jumping off a bridge? This is a decision that will change your lives like no other. Make sure you're both on the same wavelength about the big issues: Who, if anyone, will stay at home? Can your living situation handle it? A solid, united front is the key to being great parents. Just because Sam and Anna are ready doesn't mean your twosome is ready to become a threesome.
Wrong Reason 4: You Think a Baby Is a Quick Fix
Being married isn't all cupcakes and sunshine, but it's easy to think a baby will make your life a fairy tale. Parenthood isn't all romance, though. Don't expect a baby to fill a void in your marriage or use the idea of starting a family as a Band-Aid for your relationship. Instead, work on the two of you and remember all the fabulous reasons you got together in the first place...then make room for baby.
Wrong Reason 5: Pressure From Parents
Years before your engagement, Mom was already dropping tons of not-so-subtle hints about wanting you to hurry up and tie the knot. Never one to let up, she's now talking about her grandma urges. Like you do with everything else your mother tells you, listen patiently and then calmly explain to her how you're still the master of your own destiny. And don't forget to tell her that she'll be the first to know.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/a...id=8518916
Why your marriage might not be ready for mommy and daddyhood.
By Liz Zack
Ready to toss the birth control? Hold on for just one second. Baby-making is a pretty big deal — before you and your spouse start trying to add another member to the family, take some time to carefully examine your motives. Yes, there are hundreds of great reasons to have a kid...but there are some not-so-great reasons too. From TheBump.com, here are the five biggest clues that you aren't quite ready yet.
Wrong Reason 1: You Need Something New to Obsess Over
Now that the wedding planning is over, what will you do with all your free time? Suddenly, there's a strong urge to fill it with another big project. Don't mistake boredom with baby cravings. Take up a hobby, whether it's searching for houses online or learning how to wallpaper your bathroom. Sure, you've proven that you can stick with something and follow it through to the end, but get the most out of this free time (and alone time) while you have it.
Wrong Reason 2: You're Freaked Out About Fertility
No matter how well we know our bodies, most of us don't really know about a fundamental aspect of our health — our ability to conceive — until we actually start to try. It's this nagging feeling that makes us anxious to jump into the baby ring. But take some of the pressure off yourselves and let nature take its course. Some couples have to wait awhile to conceive, some get pregnant on the first try, and some get pregnant without even trying! Assume the best and only start the process when you're truly ready to hear the pitter-patter of little feet in the house.
Wrong Reason 3: Everyone Is Having Them
Come on. What's that saying about all your friends jumping off a bridge? This is a decision that will change your lives like no other. Make sure you're both on the same wavelength about the big issues: Who, if anyone, will stay at home? Can your living situation handle it? A solid, united front is the key to being great parents. Just because Sam and Anna are ready doesn't mean your twosome is ready to become a threesome.
Wrong Reason 4: You Think a Baby Is a Quick Fix
Being married isn't all cupcakes and sunshine, but it's easy to think a baby will make your life a fairy tale. Parenthood isn't all romance, though. Don't expect a baby to fill a void in your marriage or use the idea of starting a family as a Band-Aid for your relationship. Instead, work on the two of you and remember all the fabulous reasons you got together in the first place...then make room for baby.
Wrong Reason 5: Pressure From Parents
Years before your engagement, Mom was already dropping tons of not-so-subtle hints about wanting you to hurry up and tie the knot. Never one to let up, she's now talking about her grandma urges. Like you do with everything else your mother tells you, listen patiently and then calmly explain to her how you're still the master of your own destiny. And don't forget to tell her that she'll be the first to know.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/a...id=8518916
