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So what would you do? Or what would you recommend that I do?

I have the following situation...

I am in a very small community right now, where there are definitely limited people to spend time with. So, the answer of 'just find someone else' doesn't really apply. Neither does 'travel', it just isn't possible right now. There are loads of guys but they are all married, or so odd that they aren't options.

The person in question has said that he is in a long-term relationship, but when he is away from home (which he is) then it's an open relationship.

Don't worry, it isn't going anywhere really bad. If my morals were open then this wouldn't need advice.

So I have made it extremely clear that I am not interested in him physically, even though he has asked me. I enjoy spending time with him, as he is a nice guy and has good advice, and I like talking with honest people.

The problem is that some days are really shitty and while I never want one at home, here I find that I sometimes really want a hug. I know that he will give me one. and a couple weeks ago I dropped by to chat with him and he gave me a hug. I think he was hoping that it would go elsewhere, but I would never let it (partly because I'm not able to be interested in a married man, which he effectively is, and partly because I only want the hug).

So, should I take hugs from him, knowing that he's doing it hoping for more but having been explicitely told that it won't happen? I like the hugs... not often, but when I do need them I find it hard to refuse.

I would just say BE CAREFUL. If you're not a user by nature, it will be hard for you to "use" this person without getting emotionally involved.

IF You laid it out to him exactly as you told us.. And HE KNOWS
that all you want is a hug, I say go for it.
Just be careful, you don't want it to lead any further then a hug, cause it is very easy to do.

Knowing where he stands, and that he has made it clear he is willing to develop a relationship-of-convenience with you, please be careful what you're saying by the hugs, versus what he's 'hearing' by your willingness to engage in the hugs. you may mean nothing by them, but he may see it as an invitation for a sexual relationship.

That's my PC way of saying, "don't lead him on."

Thanks guys. I think that writing it out last night and then reading it over now made me realise... bad idea. I will stick to the plan that platonic hugs initiated by him in public situations are okay (so if we're around other people or in public areas) and anything else is off limits. It'll be easy to do, as he doesn't like conflict and respects the limits. He does like to push at them, which is why I agree with you all that I should not let them be pushed.

I'm not worried about becoming emotionally invested or being pushed too far... I can't explain it but I'm just not interested in that with him and it would never happen.

I don't think I could ever do it, possibly because I'm notoriously honest

If his relationship is open, then take the hugs. If you need a hug, take it. You're far from home and bored. But I suppose that I'm definitely the wrong person to ask/answer this question.

Update: I emailed him about it (he's out of town right now) and he replied that the hug was just a hug and he didn't expect more. I'm sure that he would change his attitude if I suggested otherwise but he knows he has no hope with me and just appreciated the physical contact as it was.

I'll take it. It happens pretty rarely anyway (less than once a month so far) as I don't often need them, but when I do want a hug it's a pretty shitty day. The only reason that I mentioned his relationship being 'open' is because I definitely know that he isn't completely safe, but provided that we are completely honest I do trust him. Plus the walls are sufficiently thin that if he did anything inappropriate it would be known pretty quickly

So yeah, I can't 'use' him but I will be very open and come to an equitable solution!

Thanks for the advice guys, it's appreciated!

As long as you both know where you stand, I think you're OK.

Thanks for the sanity-check

A well-timed resurrection on your part, as he has been back from his vacation for over a week and our relationship (colleagues, friends, etc) to each other is all the same so we're all good. I'm happy